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    Depression

    Sunday, September 14, 2008, 9:22 PM [General]

    Ever since I can remember I've never been happy. My mom is an acoholic and uses drugs my dad is the same way. Well, I lived with my mom till I was seven and during that time I experienced things that made me grow up fast. When I moved in with my dad I thought it would get better. After six months of living with him I began to see what he was doing. I could smell the pot he was smoking and he would come in at all hours of the night. In January of my fifth grade year, we moved and the problems became worse. My dad began to go out more and wouldn't come home days at a time. I began to cut. Not deep enough to make me dizzy, but enough to make the blood roll across my wrists. I began to get into fights, but not in school. I separated my school life from my home life. I can remember all the fights I ever had. I sent most of those guys home crying and never once did they ever really hurt me. I was a lone warrior and I barely had any friends. When I began middle school, I thought I wanted to be popular so I began to hang out with the preps. That was the wrong thing to do. I got on their bad side so they spread a rumor about me that I had oral sex with some guy. I conforted the chick and well it wasn't that pretty. My cutting became more often and I began to get into my dad's vodka. My seventh grade year came around and I had a completely different group. I still wasn't happy. I was still getting into fights and my dad was still be the same person. Then my eigth grade year came around. That had to be my best year. I went to a different group. The goths and the emos. People that could relate to me and what I was going through. I still think that's the only group I feel most comfortable with. Then I began to sneak out more and go out with my friends. Though, my dad left for four days the longest he ever left before. I cut so deep that the blood seeped through my sleeve and made me pass out. About a month later I got to go on vacation with one of my friend and two days after that I would be visiting my sisters. Well when I visited my sisters, I broke down and the first time in three years I cried. I told my aunt everything that ever happened to me and everything I did. Now, a high school student, I'm as happy as I could be. I never realized that telling some would help me and man did it help. I felt this wait lift off me and I felt amazing. Even during that time I began to look into different religions. Buddhism really jumped out at me and I've been Buddhist for about a year and a half.371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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