Hi everyone,

I just want to let all of you know that I am leaving this site.  The reason is, because the only way I can access it is to turn off my privacy and allow ALL cookies.  I really do not like that option, and do not  want to be bothered with all of the spam I will receive as a result of visiting this site.

Just to let all of you who have been so supportive and caring, I am doing a lot better and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.  There were many times I didn't think I could live through another day without him.  I would come to this site and read.  It helped to know there were others out there that were experiencing the same pain, and others that  made it through their pain. It planted the seed that maybe someday I would get though the intense grief I was in. I still grieve him and always will.

Maybe it is because of the passing of time. It will be 2 years on 8/24/2009 that my beloved husband Chuck died. The hole in my heart will never heal, it is a large as the day he died.  But, now I don't cry daily, and cry myself to sleep every night.  Many times I sobbed uncontrolably and it seemed like there was no end to my agony Then a miracle happened to me.

One day I was visiting his grave and it was like a big burden was lifted from me.  It came to me that he is really gone forever, he will never come back.  I think he helped me see that I cannot live my life the way I had been.  What was so amazing that it happened in an instant,  and from that day on, I feel like I will be able to live out my days without him until I die. 

I still to become involved in anyone else, and I will never become involved with any man other than a platonic friendship.  I will not ever marry again.  I had the "best" and in his lifetime, I knew that no one could ever compare to him.  I now that even more deeply in his death.

We had a love that was blessed by God, a love that comes once in a life time.  Some people never have that love.  Even though his death almost killed me, we were so fortunate to have loved each other unconditionally. and I would go through the pain of losing him again rather than never having him in my life.

One thing that has brought me comfort is that I have made arrangements to be buried with him  I went to the cemetery and bought a double crypt for us.  Many will think it gross, but somehow knowing I will rest with him has brought me a peace I cannot explain.

So my friends I will say goodby.  I will miss you all.  God Bless and may you all have peace in your heart some day.

Love,

Adelle

(aka, WiltedRose)

Good Morning,

I just want to ask for prayers for my family.  My children's Grandmother died early yesterday morning.  It was actually a blessing for all. I say that because she has been in and out of the hospital and rehab since December when she fell and broke her hip.  She was 86. 

I know she had a long life, but she and my son Bill were exceptionally close.  I am so worried about him because he is holding everything in, trying to be strong for his dad.  I fear for him when the full reality hits him. My daughter is doing the same.  She and her Gram weren't that close until the last couple of years because Bill was always Grams favorite.  She showed that throughout her life by NEVER denying him anything, while my daughter has had to basically had to struggle most of her life.  She always asked my why Gram didn't love her.  It was heartbreaking to watch.  In fact Gram was probably 50% the cause of my divorce from her son because of her interference in out lives and the way she treated my children so differently. 

Through the years, we kind of made peace and she always told me that I would always be a part of her family, even after I married my beloved 2nd husband.  I had a lot of resentment towards her and it was hard to care for her.  I guess I just learned to tolerate her.  I feel bad for my ex-husband because he was an only child and she also loved him dearly. He is going through a rough time with her death and he blames himself for everything because the night she fell, he didn't help her into bed, but I think he will be OK eventually.  Please pray for all of them, especially my children.  The funeral is tomorrow, and it will be very small, just us, with dinner at my daughter's after the funeral.  As it often happens with someone of that age, all of her family and friends have predeceased her. It's kind of sad that there is no one left to mourn her death.

a very Wilted_rose

To all of you wonderful people.  My day has been mediocre so far. I went to my daughter's house to have Easter dinner cooked by my ex-husband. Yes there is a first husband, and yes, we get along pretty well, which is good for the kids and grandchildren. And, NO there is no way in hell that we would marry again!

After dinner, I went to the cemetery, of course, sat and cried, begged Chuck to hug me, and let me feel him around me. Well, it is a windy, cool sunny day here, yet I felt a warmth around me. I just sat there and cried as usual.  Then I went and looked for my Grandma's grave that I haven't seen since my Dad died in 2003.  I found it, and I am going back and clean her headstone that is almost covered by grass. She was my dad's mother and my only Grandmother.  We called her Bup, our version of Bubka.  My Bup was wonderful to me, so loving and she never got mad at me, ever.  Even when I screwed up, she never raised her voice to me.  I miss her so  much too.  This was the best part of my day, especially when I felt the warmth that I believe was my Chuckie.

Now I'm going outside to do my favorite thing, cut the grass.  Good thing I have a riding mower because i could never walk it. I do have a very nice self-propelled mower from Sears.  It's a one pull start and great.  Unfortunately my son borrowed it several years ago and won't give it back.  :-(

Again, Happy Easter to all and may our Resurrected Jesus bless all that believe,

Wilted_Rose

p.s. Of course I'd pick a picture with a dog. ;-)

Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com

What great replies!  You don't know how your comments and stories have helped me.  It's amazing how similar our stories are.  I too, didn't get out of bed for 2 days. Well, to be honest, from the bed to the couch all day, then back to bed at 9:00 pm. When I am upset or depressed, I always become sooo very tired, and find it difficult to stay awake.  I started having nightmares too which I haven't had in many years. I don't understand, but our history was always a caring one.  Over the years we changed, and our lives went in different directions and since Chuck died, our friendship changed a lot.  She and her husband go camping every weekend.  She lives in N. Carolina and the camping there is endless.  She still works and doesn't answer her phone at night, so, our contact was emails, where  before we talked at least once a week.  

I'm just amazed that we are all going through the same thing. And here we are in different parts of the country. . . I thank you again.  It will help me sleep better tonight.

Love and Blessings to you all,

Adelle

I recently  lost my best friend and my "adopted" sister.  I don't know if I was right or wrong, but on my anniversary she sent me an email, subject was;" Look what my husband did for me." and she added a photo of a cabin he was building for her for her candle making.  I wrote back and told her how wonderful it was for her and what a great husband she had  and I was happy for her.  I had just come back from the cemetery after putting flowers on Chuck's crypt and I wasn't in the best of moods.  I was very sad, depressed and crying. Then i made the fatal mistake of writing that since it was my anniversary, I wished she had waited a couple of days to send me that email. She wrote me back an email that blasted me with a fury and hatred I had never seen from her in the entire 35 years we had been friends.  She told me not to ever contact her again, she had blocked my email, and told me to "lose" her phone number and address as she wouldn't accept any contact from me. Five days before I had sent her a "friend" greeting card that she refused delivery on and it was returned to me.

I was so shocked, upset and depressed over losing her friendship I cried for days, and considered sending an email from a different account in hopes that she would read it.  I decided not to do that because I couldn't take any more of her hateful comments. I talked this over with my very wise son and he advised me to forget about her and get on with my life.  That if she would get so upset over my comment, she had a problem and I couldn't fix it.

She was the only friend who stood by me after my husband died. She was also my maid of honor when I got married.

Right now I am over the inital shock and decided that if she felt that way towards me, there was nothing I could do to about the situation.   I have come to terms with her "dropping" me from her life, but I am, and will continue to miss her phone calls, cards and emails.

I  feel so alone and sad that she would go off on me like that, and i wish I could "fix" our friendship, but, after the things she said to me, I don't think we can ever be friends again and I will miss her.  It is like a death for me that I need to get over.