an email to my "shrink"....

    Tuesday, June 2, 2009, 9:40 PM [General]

    Hello everybody..

    If you struggle with your mental health, as I do, I was hoping to get some input re: this email to my therapist. Any thoughts, positive, negative, or otherwise would really help.  Thanks.

    Nature

    Dear XXXXX,

    Last session you made a statement in regards to folks on MassHealth & Medicare..  the "disabled" ones ....  the ones who cancel at the last moment or just don't show at all. I agree with you. Too many times in the past (and present) I've cancelled in this manner.... or not called at all; hardly respsonsible behaviour. Not to mention that it's easy to do because it doesn't hurt me where it counts, in my wallet.

    Now for the B word: I bannished the word "disabled" from my vocabulary years ago. I've been blessed to have worked both sides of the psych. fence, if only for a short time.  These people, including myself, need to hear about, and act on, their abilities almost every second of the day. Why? Because from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed the obstacles of "disability" are always hiding in the shadows. In many cases they have taken control of our lives altogether. We battle to retain our God given right.. our lives. Sometimes the battle is simply getting out of bed and showering. We battle to use our gifts and abilites .... usually gifts that most do not posess.. so that somebody might say, "Wow, did you see that?"

    Knowingly or unknowingly you seem to have us... the "disabled"... in a segregated group. Medically speaking the terminology is required. I don't think your statement was premeditated, although I find myself wishing it was. If you had given it some thought, even if you stated things the same way, at least I would know you have thought about the implications of segregating that 2% of the population that "sees things differently ."

    This email isn't intended to lambaste or punish you. If, even for a moment, it came across that way I apologize.  Rather, I just needed to let you know.

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    inspired by St. Thomas More

    Sunday, May 24, 2009, 1:59 AM [General]

    7 February 1478 – 6 July 1535

    "St. Thomas More prayed frequently that he would always do the right thing before God and that was all that mattered to him. In spite of all attempts to get him to change the views he considered right, he resisted even unto death."

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    More greatly valued harmony and a strict hierarchy. The greatest danger to the health of the society as he saw it was the challenge that heretics posed to the established faith. For More the unity of Christendom was not only the instrument for the eternal salvation of souls, but also the basis of a common understanding of human nature necessary for just law and earthly happiness. To his mind, the fragmentation and discord of the Lutheran Reformation were dreadful.

     

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    "When he refused to recognise the King (Henry VIII) as spiritual head of the Church in England he was cast into prison where he was held for fifteen months, until perjured evidence secured conviction. He went to the scaffold with unshakable faith, great heroism and profound charity. His last words were “I die for the faith of the Catholic Church, the King’s good servant but God’s first”

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_More

     

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    A sudden fall and the struggle to rise again..

    Tuesday, May 12, 2009, 2:41 AM [General]

    Hi friends--

    It has been awhile since I've posted. Having finished my most recent stint at part time work I have fallen into a deep depression... and have been swamped with the usual temptations. The temptation to "practice" angry and bitter thoughts, to withdraw, and, especially, to withhold my pain from God. As I go thru this--- the longer it goes on.... I go through phases of begging God to do it my way.... the quick way. I'm tired of illness and demand healing from Him! 

    and He always reminds me I have to practice patience and move back into the process of recovery.... which is, after all, the very essence of life. It is always difficult to get back up again after being knocked down so many times over the years.

    I believe so many of you can relate to this. I now view it like a heavy weight fight. I will be knocked down... even knocked out... but none of this is permanent. The promise of Jesus (to me) is that He really does love me..    and He will always help me get up off the mat.

    Sometimes I need to rest or go "to my corner" for a bit. All of this is part of the plan and I pray that I will accept it in serenity; some I have control over; and some I do not.

    I encourage all of u to continue in prayer ------to pour all of ur thoughts and emotions out to Him. I believe He knows what He's doing.... even when the pain weighs so heavily upon me.

    hugs for all you ....  the day of joy and peace is on the way.

    Pete

     

     

     

     

     

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    Jesus wept

    Friday, August 8, 2008, 3:35 PM [General]

    Jesus wept

    Jesus wept

    He wept!!........ his tears falling to the same earth we stand upon

    Jesus wept.....Why?

                      I don't understand....

    He wept  

    ---- Lazarus was dead,

    ---- John beheaded,

    ---- Judas deceived

    ---- and His "friends"

                    his "friends" NEVER KNEW HIM.

                     SO      ............                       HE WEPT                            

    And along that bloody path to Golgatha his Mother wept with Him and she touched him with the same hands that had wrapped Him in safe, clean, warm, "swaddling" cloth. They wept together, never alone.

    Even as they recalled the most precoius moments of their life together....

    they wept

    so Jesus, Emmanuel, King of Kings, the Messiah...... HE WEPT! So in those most painful, most vulnerable .... most wounded... most ravaged areas of our hearts, our minds, our very lives He calls us never to be afraid of our pain and our tears.

    Especially now, today, right now. Weep! Crawl into His arms and wail; for He will never leave you nor forsake you nor reject you nor condemn you nor make fun of you nor.....whatever the pain and injury is...... weeping with Jesus brings it to a head.

    and WE are healed and WE are saved and WE are released from the grief and WE are brought closer to His throne and WE can see that glimpse of Heaven that saves us.... if only for a moment, if only for today... because

                                                     Jesus wept

    371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Having a tough day are you?

    Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 11:37 PM [General]

    Today was one of solitude. I didn't work so decided to sleep in.... Have you ever had a day that, for whatever the reasons, seemed to stand still in time? Well, okay, maybe I'm not being very clear with this. .... but today was one of those days. A day when I asked my Lord, in some very angry tones I must confess, why? When I am in this particular type of "place".. emotional state... it is very difficult to accomplish anything. As I reflect on it now, perhaps it was a day not intended for accomplishing. It was a day to ponder.... a day to reflect on some things that I'd rather not. It was a very hard day.

    Last night I spent in Eucharistic Adoration praying the rosary with members of my parish. It crossed my mind earlier today that perhaps Jesus knew what was in store for me this day....  i had no intention of praying the rosary last night.... only the intent to spend some quiet time with Jesus. I was sitting in the very front row of the chapel, I had taken out my rosary beads and, about 5mins later, surprise (!), my friend Gail began the prayer.

    Jesus, thanks for being ahead of me, behind me, above me, and beside me. These types of days are better left to Your divinity, Your Grace because it is on these days that I realize how much I need a saviour.

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    paranoid E-filer !!!

    Saturday, March 15, 2008, 12:02 AM [General]

    I still do my own taxes. As most of you know, it is alot easier now to e-file than ever before. Ok.. but here's my prob: as I fill in the blanks on my e-file software, it comes back with figures and other questions that don't fully explain where "it went"...lol....to get these figures.

    I DONT TRUST THIS E-FILE BUSINESS !!!!   Foot in mouth  Why? Simple. I studied engineering for quite awhile (when I was younger) and it's in my blood to go to the worksheets and figure it out myself!!  So that's what I will do..... call me paranoid OR maybe I don't trust the skill of the programmers  Undecided  So now that my e-forms are all filled out (it took like 30mins), I'll spend the next 2days checking out any changes in the current tax code and definitions thereof.. lol.

    Am I the only one out here who beleives e-filing is just another way for our filthy rich government to screw us via keeping us from learning the basics of the current tax code??? Or am I just a paranoid e-filer ??  Embarassed

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    a little older, a little more achy..

    Saturday, March 1, 2008, 3:06 PM [General]

    Well it is certainly a typical N.E. winter day here in Western Massachusetts!  Snow, ice, cold, and, ohhhhh, the aches they can bring !!  Yell  Today is an Achey Day for sure. The back, the shoulder, the neck.... heck, if I didn't need them all for work maybe I'd have my doctor do away with them.

    Well, time to go spend the rest of the day hanging out in the sauna with plenty of hot, bone-easing steam. Thank God for that and ibuprofen 'cause it's back to work Monday.

    See ya'll.... God' peace to you.

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    sweating out the flu..

    Saturday, February 16, 2008, 3:09 PM [General]

    ugghhh.... been awhile since I've had the flu... so here I sit in my 1br apartment w/the heat cranked, the humidifier blowin', bottles of various liquids all about, and a bottle of ibuprofen. I thank God that last night was the worst and I can feel my body on the mend.

    Well, for now, back to bed and some sleep..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.  When I get up it's time for a long... very long.... steamy, hot shower. My bones will thank me!

     God is Good

    Hapy Valentine's day... especially to all you searching singles out there.

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    Having FUN !!

    Saturday, February 9, 2008, 5:28 PM [General]

    What makes us sad? Depressed? Having dealt with bipolar since 19 I've kina' had Undecided  to look at this off and on over the years. ... but viola'  The question becomes what is it that gives me hope, restores my mind and body... what people, what happenings allow the sun to rip through the dark clouds?

    My friends and family.... the holidays and the holydays I determine to spend with those in my church as we share our struggles, our jokes, our prayers, and our faith. It lifts me up..... always!!!  --->>>>  "it" is the Holy Spirit. I struggle always to take that first step, yet when I do the Paraclete of wisdom, comfort, strength, love, and boldness carries me the rest of the way!  very cool.

    Having fun with the simple things !!     Karioke (lol), swimming, dancing, breaking a sweat at the gym, and a good nights rest. I write in retrospect here... so easy to see now... so I will return here when the day is long and dark; I will return here to remind myself that  pleasure (joy) always comes before business!!  Without these sources and experiences of joy I cannot get my business done!

    Our God is Good..... even after 5 hospitalizations in 27yrs....  four times involving "shock" treatments *ECT*   I still can talk in complete sentences!!  Laff, cry, and listen. I'm beginning the back 9 with the knowledge that it's not about my life. It's about God's love for me  ..... his goodness and holiness.  My life is  not what I thought it would be or should be. My life is Jesus.......

    I am forgetful in this regard and so, dear Lord, never let me forget to come to you everday, in every joy or despair, as you come to my aid and restore that joy... that requirement of HAVING FUN in YOU.....before I 'stomp off' into the tangeld business of the day!!!  Amen.

    God is good.... enter His Kingdom of peace, joy, and playful fun today.

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