Bipolar, seroquel and rambling

    Friday, April 23, 2010, 11:49 AM [General]

    Today it seems to be going a bit better... The sun is shining and it is getting warmer. I did have a better than average night. Still got up late, since there was nothing in particular to get up for. Enjoyed the sun while having my coffee - good! I love my freckles - I am getting more and more, yey!!  

    Was at my pdoc Wednesday and we discussed sleeping patters amongst other things. I had ambien CR 12,5 mg in USA which worked perfect for me. Here in the Netherlands only 10 mg not CR is available, which did not work for me. I am still trying to find the right med, have already been on quite a number, but nothing is satisfactory. With Seroquel giving me so much trouble, he suggested that I try 20 mg Ambien when I feel an episode is lurking. Because I first notice it in my sleeping pattern that something is amiss. Does anyone else have that too? What do you do about it?

    So I will wean myself off of the Seroquel, praying it will not trigger any episodes and see where it brings me.

    I am not totally sure of it, since my outside situation is really tricky at the moment. I should be leaving the family I am staying with by April 30. I am not sure where I will be going. I am thinking of asking this family if they can have me for a bit longer. At least till I know if I will receive urgent treatment in looking for social housing. I tried to find out where that stands today, but have to wait till Monday.

    I am beyond stressfull right now. Everything is so unsure, I can't even fathom it. So I am ignoring it, just to cope. What a mess my life is!

    The Crazy Rambler

     

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    Introduction

    Thursday, April 22, 2010, 4:19 PM [General]


    Hi everyone,

    It is a bit hard to navigate this site...but I am trying to post my first of hopefully many. I am a tad disappointed as it seems that this group is not really alive and kickaing. I have already come across a couple of sites re Bipolar with the same problem. My desire is to connect to others like me.

    So, I'll introduce myself:
    I have been diagnosed with BP in January 2007, but looking back I had my first major depressive episode when I was 15. I am pretty sure I have showed symptoms before then, but since I am disconnected with my highly dysfunctional family, I can't go ask. For me it is partly genetic, my mother and her mother are undiagnosed BP's. For years my GP thought I had just depressions. No-one noticed the hypomania's. It was after I got diagnosed with a serious burn-out in April 2006, ended up in the USA and received help from an amazing counselor, that it slowly became clear we were dealing with more than trauma's, depression and burn-out. I was also severely suicidal, had very real plans, where I would not be found alive. I can only say that God has spared my life, otherwise I would not have been here today.

    In December 2006 my GP added another anti-depressant to the one I was already taking and as you all might know, I went of the deep end. I went to psych hospital and wanted to be admitted, but they decided I was not suicidal enough! Right... Because I was plainly going nuts with my thoughts racing 24/7, trouble sleeping, etc. I took myself off of the second anti-depressant. My counselor got me in to see a psych early January 2007 and I got my diagnosis. Blessedly the sorting of which combo of meds work for me was relatively short. I have been under good psych care since and continue to see my counslor on a weekly basis.

    I am Dutch, but have lived abroad since July 1994 when I became a missionary to the Ukraine. I have lived in Poland, England, Ukraine and USA. End of June 2009 I had to renew my paperwork in order to stay in USA. I went to Canada for a day and when I returned to the USA border, Uncle Sam would not let me in again. The lawyer I had consulted gave me bad and wrong advice. So, there I was, without my meds, with just the clothes I was wearing and with my car. At the Canadian border. Where they did not let me go, unless I could prove I had a plane ticket leaving Canada. And... I júst didn't have enough money available on my credit card. Talk about stress. They nearly put me in detention. Boy, was I glad my cell had a full battery! In the end I had a ticket, no meds, no sleep for a night. Friends came over to bring me clothes, meds and take my car back with them. And I tracked back to Holland where I hadn't lived for 15 years. Talk about stress! Thankfully, I had immediate treatment for my BP upon arriving in Holland.

    While in the past my moods would last even up to a couple of years, since I reached the state of being severely suicidal I am all over the place. Even with meds! My episodes will break thru them, unfortunately. I am an extreme rapid cycler now, had even several days where my mood would spike up and down several times each day. That was so horrid!!

    Right now I don't have my own apartment. It is extremely difficult to find one. I am living with a family from my church. We don't know one another very well. My time here is limited, so the anxiety and stress is mounting. Because of the changes (I had temporarily housing on my own for 5 months till March 31)I went hypomanic to the extend I needed to take Seroquel to temper it down. Now I have entered a mixed state where I am insanely irritated with everything and nothing. Seroquel effectively makes me a zombie. I have dry mouth, obstipation, a memory that won't work, bloating, lead in my body, trouble talking (moving my mouth to form the words), drooping eyelids, being extremely tired. And oh, did I mention it zonks me out?

    At the same time I am also working with a new pdoc. Even though he is good, it also increases my anxiety. I am exhausted after I've seen him. And there is no therapy involved, mind you! We are working on an action plan. I pretty much know the symptoms of the onset and development of my moods. The question is: when do you do something about it, and what. A good friend is involved with it, what a blessing!

    Well, I've got to stop my rambling, dinner is calling!

    Blessings and write to me peeps!

    The Crazy Rambler

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    try out

    Monday, April 19, 2010, 8:43 PM [General]

    just looking how this one comes out

    how do you get your name automatically signed underneath?

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    new

    Monday, April 19, 2010, 8:40 PM [General]

    Hi everyone!

    I am new here, have just come across this site and hope it is more active than the one I found before. I really would like to connect to others like me. It is only recently that I have started to look for sites on the internet.

    Presently I am going thru a mixed state, after toning my hypomania with meds (seroquel). I hate seroquel........  because it turns me into a zombie. After a week or two the 'somnolence' (learned a new word when I perused the side effects when looking for a better med - bad news: there isn't!) lessens some, but I am still left with no memory (yeah, that sucks, going up the stairs five times just cuz I keep forgetting something), lead in my muscles, difficulty speaking and eyes droopin'. Am just sayin'.

    At the same time I am irritated like hell! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... Anything can set me off, which is irritating in and of itself

    I've never been to a (support) group since I don't function well in groups. I am HSP and will pick up all emotions from others. That's hard work, folks! So I am hoping that thru the internet I might find some likeminded people, the crazy ones I love.

    Besides the meds (and I just have to say that I am grateful I am Dutch and have the benefit of good insurance.....for as long as it will last in the present crisis!) I do talktherapy with my counselor back in the States. Yep, from here, the Netherlands. I am eternally thankful for internet and Skype!!! I lived in the States from March 2006 until June 29, 2009, which is the date that ol' Sam decided not to let me back in from Canada.... So I found myself unexpectedly back in my home country. This is a whole story in itself. I won't tire you with it, unless you really wanna know.....

    So please, make yourselves known!!! I am looking forward toget to know some peeps. 

    See you around!! 

     

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