The Soulmate Project
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    Honor yourself and others will too!

    Saturday, January 9, 2010, 5:18 PM [General]

    By Laurie Sue Brockway

    Dear friends, I wanted to welcome you to a new year with the Soulmate Project. I began this group in 2007 to help people searching for true love to come together to share their views and experiences.

    We have found time and again that the key to having the love we want is to love and honor ourselves, first.

    Let 2010 be the year you make some big dreams come true!  If you are searching for true love, or in a relationship where you are not being treated well, learning to honor yourself is the key to success.

    We may say we want love, success, and happiness, but we don’t always back up our dreams with self honoring actions.

    Without self-honoring, we have no foundation to uphold or contain love, self esteem, and true potential. Someone can love you with more heart than you ever imagined, but where will it go if you have no internal mechanism for recognizing pure love? The universe can shower you with opportunities, but you will miss the best plums on the tree because you won’t think you deserve to reach for them.

    Self Love Meditation: Take 10 to 20 minutes every morning to center yourself and meditate to a piece of music that feels heart-opening to you. One that I like is this moving and soul stirring chant, “Open My Heart,” by Ana Hernandez and Ruth Cunningham, off their CD HARC: Inside Chants.

    Hear this wonderful chant "Open My Heart" at www.myspace.com/anahermusic.

    Read more about building and enchancing self-worth in 10 Ways to Honor Thyself.

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    The Romance Reverend’s Seven Steps to Relationship Success

    Thursday, February 14, 2008, 8:34 AM [General]

    By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

    Adapted from Find Your Spiritual Soulmate

     

    If you are in between relationships, this is a great time to reflect on important pointers for getting ready for love and being able to receive love and truly deal with a relationship, when Cupid’s coveted arrow does pierce your heart!

     

    1. Develop A Relationship With Yourself, First. The person you must fall in love with first is you. Too often people seek out others who will fill some inner need, as opposed to someone with whom you can truly share life. It’s important to recognize the distinction between "neediness and having someone," and "love and sharing from the heart." Dysfunctional relationships are born out of unions between people who don’t really know what it means to love, honor and cherish. People who love, honor and cherish themselves--or at least strive for it--are more capable of both giving and receiving that from a mate.

     

    2. Build Your Self Esteem. Research has proven time and again that people who get trapped in bad or abusive relationships suffer from low self-esteem. Sometimes, because of background and personal history, the only model someone has for love is destructive behavior or pain; perhaps they lived in a household were "love" was expressed that way. It gets dramatized in every relationship they have. Utilize everything you can--books, therapy, friends--to enhance emotional health and self-esteem.

     

    3. Change yourself.  Don’t expect others to change--do expect miracles!

    Your personal power to change your own life is the greatest power of all. It is impossible to make another person change or offer help they have not asked for. But you can always strive to change yourself.

     

    4. Learn to accept yourself, and you will know how to accept others

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    Self-acceptance is your model for accepting others. If you are critical, harsh and unforgiving of yourself--so will you be to others.

     

    5. Learn how to "surrender."  Control is a touchy issue in relationships. Yet surrender has nothing to do with control. It has to do with letting down your defenses and letting go of fear, in order to surrender and truly merge with another person. There is a notion that surrender makes one vulnerable, and vulnerability equals powerlessness. Not for people who realize that, when they are healthy inside, it is a natural response to surrender. We may try to get at it through sex, but, when you surrender on more than just a sexual level, it allows you to really have that which you truly desire: True intimacy.

     

    6. Ask for what you want. Women, more so than men, need coaching on this. This is not just for relationships but everything. While there is a line between nagging and making a request, there is a huge area of possibility in which magical things will happen if only you request them!

     

    7. Learn to receive well. The best way to continue getting what you want is to learn how to receive it well. The more you say thank you--to yourself, your significant other, to God, Goddess, All there is--the more good things that flow your way. The more good things that flow your way, the more experience you will have letting them in. Work on this and master it. In order to have your romantic dreams come true, you must be able to let Love in when it comes knocking at your door … and you must also be willing to allow Love to stay!

     

    © Copyright 2008 Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, All Rights Reserved.  

     

    Adapted from the Self Healing Expressions Course, Find Your Spiritual Soulmate 

     

    Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, editor of www.Wedlok.com  and facilitator of The Soulmate Project group(http://community.beliefnet.com/soulmate), is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is creator of the "Marry Yourself First" workshop and ceremony. She is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, women's spirituality expert and columnist. She is author of many books and courses, including Find Your Spiritual Soulmate at www.SelfHealingExpressions.com

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    Finding Your Soulmate - What Are Your Values and Personal Beliefs

    Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 10:14 PM [General]

    By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

    Adapted from Find Your Spiritual Soulmate.

     

    As you travel this unique pathway towards love, intimacy and partnership, it’s important to continue to evaluate and clarify what you are really seeking in a relationship. Today we’ll focus your values and beliefs as you journey towards your spiritual soul mate.


    In addition to religious and cultural background and training, humans are made up of a complex array of aspects and particles.  Fragments of the past, bits and pieces from parents, snippets from media, movies, education, past loves formulate our belief systems and our values in life.

    For better or for worse, many humans have some pretty firm IDEAS on how things are and how they should be.

    Being on the Same Page
    Any relationship requires a bit of bending and meeting in the middle of certain issues, but there are some things that none of us would change or could change for another. There is an expression in publishing that people use when they are trying to assess another person’s response to something they’re trying to explain. They ask, “Are we on the same page?”

    It is important that people in a relationship are on the same page to some extent; for some it is more crucial than for others that both parties share identical beliefs and values.

    The movie The Way We Were comes to mind. Although the characters played by Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford loved one another, their personal and political agendas were too distant to make marriage work.

    So it is important to look at some of your personal values and points of views, and the values and point of view you would admire and respect in another.

    Let’s explore where you stand on values in your romantic life using this check list.

     

    Print out and answer these questions about your values and beliefs:

    Is there a cause that you are passionate about?


    Do you consider yourself political apolitical?

     


    Are you conservative, liberal, middle of the road in your thinking about this country, the world?


    Are you Republican or Democrat? An Independent?


    Is political party important to you?


    Would you volunteer for something that means a lot to you, even if it were dangerous, depressing or stressful – such as volunteer to help the homeless, or disaster recovery work?


    Do you go out on a limb to speak your mind or seek justice?


    Do you believe in the death penalty, saving the rainforest or other pressing issues of the day -- or not believe in any of those things?


    Are you a staunch supporter of women’s rights? Men’s rights? Human rights? Animal rights?


    What do you value most in our world?


    What do you value and believe in least?


    Now, consider and answer these questions about the importance of a mate with matching values, beliefs and point of view:


    Would you prefer a mate who is passionate about a cause that is meaningful to you, or passionate about any cause -- just a passionate and active person?



    Would you prefer someone with similar political sensibilities, or who is apolitical?


    Do you seek a partner who is conservative, liberal, middle-of-the road in his or her thinking and approach to this country, this world?


    Does it matter if he or she is in the same political party?


    If you are a Democrat, could you even think of loving a Republican, or visa versa?


    Is your mates political party even important, or of interest, to you?


    Would you want to be with someone willing to go out of his or her way to help others?


    Would you prefer a self-centered person to an overly giving person?


    Do you see yourself with someone who would go out on a limb to speak his or her mind or seek justice?


    Would you want your mate to believe in the same controversial issues you believe in?


    Could you deal with loving someone whose views are completely opposite to yours on important issues?


    Would you be comfortable with someone who is fighting for his or her rights or would you rather be with someone who is celebrating them?


    What values and points of view would you hold dear or respect in another.


    What would you hope this mate to value and believe in least?

     

     

    On a scale from 1 to 10, rate how important it is to have a mate who is in sync with your system of value.

     

     

    Closing Thoughts

     

    How flexible can you be in shifting some of your own personal values and beliefs? How willing are you to accept a mate who is not of a like mind on key issues? If you haven’t give much thought to values and beliefs before, ask yourself if you could you tolerate a mate who fiercely opposes your point of view or asks you to change your heartfelt values and beliefs?

     

    Read original article at SelfHealingExpressions.com.

     

    © Copyright 2008 Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, All Rights Reserved.  

     

    Adapted from the Self Healing Expressions Course, Find Your Spiritual Soulmate 

     

    Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, editor of www.Wedlok.com  and facilitator of The Soulmate Project group(http://community.beliefnet.com/soulmate), is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is creator of the "Marry Yourself First" workshop and ceremony. She is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, women's spirituality expert and columnist. She is author of many books and courses, including Find Your Spiritual Soulmate at www.SelfHealingExpressions.com

     

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