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    The_fireinside
    The_fireinside

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Journal

    another one for mother

    Monday, April 13, 2009, 1:39 PM [General]

     

    Shirley,

    I go to therapy every week or so praying this time Ill have the answers I seek. You say I know nothing and that I am garbage, well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The difference between you and I is I know the truth to which you choose to turn a blind eye to. Whats even funnier is the truths I could tell would never be believable because you have made sure no one would ever believe a word I said. What kind of mother calls her self a Christian and then tells her daughter she is garbage, one who already suffers from enough emotional damage caused by YOU, if I had not had God in my life today I would have committed suicide many times over the things you have called me. You have never had a kind word, I still remember the time you and Lisa came to see me in PA, the car hadn't even stopped yet and you said I looked liked a dead person. Your words hurt people. Yet you continue to abuse me even in my adult life. And expect respect from me. 

     

     

    I am sorry I wasn't the son you wanted to save your marriage I am sorry he left you anyway. GET OVER IT! And your precious Lisa while her husband was at home she was here so drunk she couldn't even finish my perm ruined my hair so she could give some black guy whom she invited to my house oral sex in my back yard. Oh but I don't know anything and I'm just a liar. While she tells her husband she is watching my kids she is out at parties all night and comes here the next day still drunk and stoned from night before, more then once.

    Or how about the night before my wedding in Fl how she slept with my best man in the same bedroom as her children? Oh but I'm just a liar I make these things up just to hurt you, my sole purpose in life.

     Tommy wasn't perfect but he never cheated on her, and he was trying. Everyone believes Lisa's lies, while she got her emergency custody order that she didn't even need since her husband was in the hospital that very day in NJ having a heart attack. He never intended to take the children and she knew that but she had to play it off to get what she needs, thats what she does. While telling everyone else she had a restraining order. I know who Lisa really is you'll never be able to accept the truth I am about to tell you but I'm tired of keeping secrets for this family they are killing me.

    Your precious uncle spud was a child molester, and Lisa knows it, of course she will deny it but thats what led to her sexual abuse towards me, all those showers you had us take together to save water. You don't have to believe me I don't need you to believe me, but in order for me to heal I need to let these things out and they need to be told. If you have a problem or feel this is in some way me just being the garbage I am you can feel free to call my therapist cause she knows the truth.  I bet that kills you tpo know a total stranger knows just how twisted your family is.

    All I could think as a child was how could you not know, all the times you let Lisa stay with him, he'd rub himself up against us so we could feel his erection. He was a foul man. Lisa could tell you the worse things he did to her but she wont, she refuses to face the past and deal with it, this is how we heal. All things in darkness will be brought to light. And this is part of the reason why sje struggles do much in life she refuses to face the truth, he was a child molester and he molested her!

    But I have a feeling you know that deep down inside. You make excuses for your mother left and right oh you gotta love her but I guess no one ever had to love me. You were my mother it was your job to protect me and Lisa but you didn't your life was always most important. I'm sick of hearing how you worked to keep a roof over our heads and all that. you always had nice brand new clothes and could afford a night out at the white elephant. Oh and don't forget the pot yea Lisa and I both found the marijuana in your side table drawer you and cookie were a hoot. Your so innocent. I have paid my dues, I have done nothing to hurt you or your family. But I'm just a compulsive liar so you can not believe me but on judgment day God will reveal all the truths and you will see. YOU WILL SEE! I do not deserve how you treat me and never did. 

     

    Make sure you save this and make copies for all to see so you can further prove just what a liar I am. 

     

    You will only see this as me trying to hurt you. Since everything is always to or about you. But this I'm doing for me so I can finally be free from these secrets that have been killing me all these years. I am tired of being treated like trash and ignored. Well you cant ignore this one mother! These are the facts the cold hard truths GOD AS MY WITNESS!

    I hope YOU & YOUR FAMILY had a happy easter.

     

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