It has been a long time. Not a year... but almost. About nine months or so I suppose. In the last 9 months or so, I have experienced the following:
- I lost my mother at age 87 to end-stage Renal Failure. I have mourned and grieved but still have not become accustomed to her not being there on the other end of my telephone. I can't just call her. There is no number where she is. I miss you, mother. My sweet 'little mommy' as I used to call you, because you were shorter than I was even when I was in middle school. You brought to my life a lot of smiles, comfort, warmth and happiness. I wish I could have been where you were before you left this earth. How I wish.
- I watched my husband recover from chemotherapy, return to full time work, and found out that there was never anything wrong with his heart or lungs. His cancer did return once more in his bladder, but it was removed. Next Friday we will be returning once more for the beloved procedure to 'search and destroy' the invading uglies from his bladder. I always pray that the cancer has not gone somewhere else. The fear and dread and hatred I have for cancer is ever present. I hope for more time... more time.
- We lost our home and moved into a smaller rental home. It is not the worst thing that could have happened to us, so for that I am thankful. We have learned to be more frugal, more appreciative, and much more happy with less than any of us would have believed. It has been a great blessing in disguise, and even though we lost many 'things' we wish that we could have saved, what we gained in the end was what we needed most: humility. We are so grateful for what we are left with and will never take anything for granted in this life again.
- I was diagnosed with Bi-polar Depression along with Chronic Fatique. I am being treated for the sleeplessness and mood swings. Many things in my life have changed and so have the way that I see them and react to them, since my diagnosis. My guilt factor is still a big issue. I wish that I could stop feeling worthless and responsible for everyone's problems. I am trying not to see myself as the one that officially must fix everything for everyone. I am having more good days than bad days, thankfully and I thank God for them.
That is all for now... my daughter is coming to stay with us for about six months before going off to finish with her Master's degree. I am so looking forward to that time with her. She is precious to me and a good, positive influence on me. She always brings me closer to God and she also shows me that I am a strong woman, and no matter what, she helps me believe I can get through anything.
Wishing you all love...