Results for tag: forgiveness
Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Aug 28, 2012 at 05:32:03 PM

Sometimes we veer off course.  It happens to the best and the worst of us.  An adroit reader responding to a post about apologies last week commented, “I wish I could go back and UNDO a few of my sorries.”

Boy, do I identify with that.  I’ve made choices I wanted God not to forgive so much as to magically erase from history, as if they never happened.  If I’m honest about it, though, my desire to undo the past reveals a little unfinished business.

I come from a faith tradition (Christianity) that teaches anyone can be forgiven.  We don’t deserve it, but by grace we can receive it.  The only condition is that we forgive others who did us wrong.  Now that is easier said than done, and I do not want to trivialize how difficult

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Jul 25, 2012 at 12:53:59 PM

The tentacles of shame can reach through decades of a person’s life, wrapping around seemingly unconnected events and wrenching the joy from life.  I have friends whose shame originated in childhoods in which they never felt up to grade.  They always felt deficient in some significant and identity shaping way.  For some it was a constant stream of criticism.  For others it was as seemingly benign as a home focus on appearances rather than on the truth, subtly but unmistakably suggesting that the truth is never good enough.

I also have friends whose shame reaches up out of childhood trauma.  That trauma might have been the sudden loss of a parent or, as the Penn State abuse scandal tragically highlights, more often than we want to acknowledge it is child

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Jul 19, 2012 at 01:22:15 PM

George Zimmerman, the man who shot and killed unarmed teen Trayvon Martin, is in the news today for his public apology.  Here is what he said:

“I want to tell everyone, my wife, my family, my parents, my grandmother, the Martins, the city of Sanford and America, that I’m sorry that this happened,” he said, staring into the camera lens. “I hate to think that because of this incident, because of my actions, it’s polarized and divided America. And I’m truly sorry.”

As difficult as it is to release resentment in an act of forgiveness, it is also hard to admit one’s wrongs and to ask humbly for forgiveness in an apology.  Unfortunately, this is not what Zimmerman has done.  His words do not suggest he has taken responsibility

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Jul 10, 2012 at 02:02:22 PM

The last post considered whether true forgiveness requires us to tell the people we’re forgiving that they are forgiven.  The question arose out of a conversation with women in the county jail, and they shared several thoughtful observations.

One said that telling the person who had wounded her that she forgave past wrongs was an important point of closure to her painful past.  What if the person who did wrong is dead, someone pondered.  How do you get closure and healing then?  One inmate created a memorial on paper to signify her forgiveness and peace with the past.  It served to remind her that forgiveness was the demarcation between a past in which her choices were limited by her woundedness and a present in which she is free to choose who she

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Jul 6, 2012 at 07:13:38 PM

A question came up when I was listening to a group of women in the county jail talk about forgiveness last night.  It didn’t surprise me.  The question comes up every time I have led a forgiveness workshop.  It is particularly meaningful to those being honest with themselves about whether they really want to forgive the one who did them wrong.

           “Do I have to tell the person I’m forgiving that I have forgiven him?”

The question can well up from several deep motives.  Sometimes we cling to our resentment because it is our only connection to someone we think we need in our lives.  If we let go of our anger or our claim against the person, there would be nothing between us at all,

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on May 18, 2012 at 07:32:32 PM

Spiritual maintenance starts with a candid look inward.  For some people, taking an inner inventory feels cathartic and liberating.  For those who are approaching a major life change, introspection can reveal truths that validate their new direction and propel them towards it.  It can give them a new energy and peace for the next life stage.  For others, however, there is just too much pain in the past to confront it all at once.  Twelve Step recovery seekers sometimes describe the Fourth Step “searching and fearless moral inventory” as an onion with layers.  If one doesn’t have the capacity to cut to the core all at once, he peels back as much as he can handle, and then returns to peel back more as he is able.

Some people take this onion

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Apr 24, 2012 at 03:38:40 PM

Forgiveness just might be the most difficult spiritual work that we do in life.  There are other spiritually difficult tasks, such as putting our trust in a spiritual reality greater than ourselves.  Letting go of attachments to ideas, habits or people that give us sense of security (often a false sense of security) is another difficult one.  Forgiveness requires both trust and letting go.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment and claim to retribution.  It takes a certain emotional energy to keep tabs on what we resent and why.  Sometimes we release resentment because we just don’t have the energy to keep nursing the resentment.  An offender’s expression of sincere remorse can defuse the resentment, making it easier to justify redirecting

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Mar 20, 2012 at 09:46:58 AM

During the weeks leading up to Easter, this blog has been exploring the obstacles that hold us back from intimacy with God.  Whereas intimacy with others involves revealing truths about ourselves to them, intimacy with God involves truths being revealed to us.  Hence, there is a strong connection between honest introspection, self-awareness, and intimacy.

 

The last three posts have examined issues surrounding forgiveness in particular.  After spending any amount of time in honest introspection, we will confront issues of forgiveness.  We might see things we have done wrong in a new light and realize we stand in need of forgiveness, or we may discover ourselves clinging to some long hidden resentment we should release.  What holds us back from seeking God’s

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Mar 15, 2012 at 01:01:55 PM

“Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.”  This wisdom is attributed to seventeenth century physician and writer George Sewell.  As our quest for intimacy with God leads us deeper into ourselves, and as we confront the forgiveness issueswe are sure to encounter in introspection, we might discover guilt obstructing our ability to extend forgiveness or to accept it.

 

Guilt is something we drag around like a ball and chain.  The Greek word for guilt used ten times in the New Testament, enochos, also means bound, liable, and under obligation.  If we view forgiveness as a gift of great value, we might fear having to earn or to repay the debt in the future, as if a bounty or a bond we can never repay will be levied on us.

 

It is possible,

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Posted by: Stephanie_Walker on Mar 12, 2012 at 03:46:58 PM

Forgiveness is the highest rated search term for my site, and I appreciate why.  It’s hard to do.  This series of posts during Lent has encouraged introspection to foster greater intimacy with God.  If your inner inventory has revealed forgiveness issues, it might be worthwhile to pause a moment to examine pride.

 

Pride is an obstacle to many graces, and forgiveness and intimacy are certainly among them.  What older sibling has not adamantly rejected forgiveness from a younger sibling, quite sure that she has done nothing wrong to warrant forgiveness?  Forgiveness can also challenge the “I’ve earned everything I have by my own power” mentality that pervades our culture.  Accepting a gift of great value may threaten our sense

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