The Right-To-Laugh Party Humanifesto

We believe that every human has the right to laugh, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness unless of course happiness is a warm gun, in which case some restrictions may apply.

We have the right and duty to laugh at our leaders, particularly those times when their actions are either seriously foolish or foolishly serious. We have the right to help them laugh with each other and at themselves, and if they are incapable of doing that, we have the right to laugh them out of power.

We have the right to laugh at the obscene foolishness of spending so much of our precious livelihood on weapons of deadlihood, and at the utter absurdity of doing the same things that haven't worked in the past and expecting them to work now and in the future.

We propose creating the office of Supreme Court Jester to encourage citizens to use the light of laughter to illuminate the shadow, especially in those poorly lit corridors of power.

We seek to extend this Right to Laugh all across the globe, especially places where things just aren't funny.

We propose that the United Nations and all levels of government begin each session with the Hokey Pokey. You put your whole self in - that is commitment. You pull your whole self out - that is detachment. You turn yourself around - and that is transformation and that's what it s all about.

We believe the problem is serious. But the solution is humorous. It's a scientific fact. The best way to overcome gravity is with levity. So all those who want to take a vow of levity please rise! Put your hand on your jocular vein, and recite the Right to Laugh Pledge: All for fun and fun for all.

Congratulations! You have now joined farces with the Pro-Laugh movement to raise the laugh force and increase the laugh expectancy on this amazing planet.

May we all wake up laughing, and leave laughter in our wake. For surely, the Farce is with us!

Declared and Absurdified by

Swami Beyondananda

OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER

Although we are enthusiastically pro-laugh, we are pro-choice as well. We respect each and every individual s right to not laugh. If you want to be miserable, go right ahead. Whatever makes you happy…

Now that we have entered the Age of Aquarius, where we have a new paradigm to work with, we must be careful.

The new paradigm called the Laws of Quantum Physics tells us that we live in an infinite, timeless, space less ocean of thinking energy called the Quantum Ocean, Mind of God. And thoughts are things that create.

Here is the Danger. The past 2000 years, which was called the Age of Pisces, has created the physical reality we see all around us. It needs to be updated.

We need to think differently now that we are in the Age of Aquarius. We need to think new and better thoughts to create a new and better reality.

But, when we open our eyes in the morning and look around what do we see? We see the Age of Pisces creation with all its wars, hunger, hatred, poverty and disease. The Hopi Grandfathers call this time the last throws of the “Animal” state of man. The Norse call it the time of the Wolf. The Ancients call it Kali Yuga.

So how are we to overcome this seemingly constant picture in front of us. The answer is by creating a new reality Matrix. A matrix that is above the 2000 year old Age of Pisces Matrix. My master used to say, “put your consciousness into a 747 flying above the mess.”

Since your thoughts have created the reality all around you and you have chosen many of your thoughts from the minds of those who have created the Age of Pisces Reality Matrix ---- you get what you think, which is an Age of Pisces Reality.

Now try this. Consider the Quantum Ocean, Mind of God as an infinite skyscraper with infinite number of stories (In my father's mansion there are many rooms.)

Let us say that the Age of Pisces is the fiftieth floor. Everything we see on the planet today is a creation of the Age of Pisces and is on the fiftieth floor.

No matter what books we read, TV shows, You Tubes, lectures we go to, if they were created by a fiftieth floor mentality, then they will keep us prisoners of the fiftieth floor.

Man's true reality is like a cross. We live, move and have our being at the juncture where the horizontal bar meets the vertical bar on the cross. This is the true meaning of the symbol of the cross.

The present horizontal bar is the fiftieth floor, the 2000 year old Age of Pisces Reality all around us.

The vertical bar is the infinite number of floors above the fiftieth floor.

The Age of Aquarius is the fifty- first floor. To change the picture of the Age of Pisces Reality that greets you every morning --- “Get ye to the fifty-first floor.”

“Come ye out from amongst them and let the dead bury the dead.”

How do you get yourself to the fifty-first floor? It all starts with a thought. Think about the New Age of Aquarius Reality Matrix I am offering you.

Make up your mind that you are not going to believe anything you see or hear on the TV, You Tubes, News Papers, News Media or what goes on in front of your eyes. What makes you think it is “REAL?” It is all fiftieth floor propaganda put there to trap your minds into what you should think about and ultimately what you perceive as your reality.

If you think about the fiftieth floor you will be trapped there. Where you place your attention; your energy flows --- there you are.

Think about the Age of Aquarius and the “fifty-first floor.” What you think about you will attract.

Not only will you attract those few people, places and events that will help you reach the fifty-first floor, (you attracted this article) but you will also, with continued effort, attract a “Higher One.”

There is no death. The New Laws of Quantum Physics tell us we “Blink in” and “Blink out” of the Quantum Ocean, Mind of God with each new incarnation.

God lives in the “Penthouse” and each incarnation it is our destiny, our Dharma, duty and responsibility to move up another floor or two or “three, closer to God”

There are those souls, (just like the opportunity that is presented to us), who have raised their level of consciousness to the point that they can now live on a higher floor.

These “higher souls” have two choices to keep on climbing higher or stay on and help some of those on the fiftieth floor reach the fifty-first floor, and even higher.

They exist! And when you change your thinking from Pisces to Aquarius you will attract their attention.

No matter how “GOOD” any one tells you the Age of Pisces, fiftieth floor reality, is, your destiny is to get to the fifty-first floor.

Change your thoughts and change your reality NOW!

 

(Wish I could say that this essay is my work… I must be honest and tell you that it is an anonymous post from the Grillflame forum… but it resonates deeply within me and I thought it deserves to be shared with my friends here).

 

Tendjewberrymud...

It's amazing, but you will understand the above word by the end of the
conversation...
Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud"
Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service
at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the FarEast Economic Review...


Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I' d like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease? "
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one
toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping
we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.
Yes,an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea. ..mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,
tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye? ?"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G : "You're welcome."

Wiping my eyes...

THE KIDS WHO STARTED COLLEGE THIS FALL WERE BORN IN 1990.
THEY ARE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER THE SPACE SHUTTLE BLOWING UP.
THEIR LIFETIME HAS ALWAYS INCLUDED AIDS.
THE CD WAS INTRODUCED THREE YEARS BEFORE THEY WERE BORN.
THEY HAVE ALWAYS HAD AN ANSWERING MACHINE.
THEY HAVE ALWAYS HAD CABLE.
JAY LENO HAS ALWAYS BEEN ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.
POPCORN HAS ALWAYS BEEN MICRO-WAVED.
THEY NEVER TOOK A SWIM AND THOUGHT ABOUT JAWS.
THEY DON'T KNOW WHO MORK WAS OR WHERE HE WAS FROM.
THEY NEVER HEARD: 'WHERE'S THE BEEF?', 'I'D WALK A MILE FOR A CAMEL', OR 'DE PLANE BOSS, DE PLANE'.
MCDONALD'S NEVER CAME IN STYROFOAM CONTAINERS.
THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE HOW TO USE A TYPEWRITER.

NOTICE THE LARGER TYPE?
THAT'S FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE TROUBLE READING .

P.S. SAVE THE EARTH. IT'S THE ONLY PLANET WITH CHOCOLATE.

371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve.
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed
because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they
were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they
were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long
as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good
guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a
large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He
asked some other people to join him, but they said they
would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his
birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son
named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt
and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on
Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice,
lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then
he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include:
don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and
thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first
Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol
and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a
giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had
about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was
wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and
then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league
prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is
the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.
(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is
always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a
barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas
Asparagus. He was so evil they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial
before Pontius the Pilot. The Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus.
He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life
again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of
the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And finally, take a look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8 ) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.

Check your answers below ...

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

8 ) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)


What do you mean, you failed? Me, too... 371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the Barbie hotter.

LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the Barbie.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the Barbie.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys.

WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.

BYTE: What mozzies do.

MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP: A bar snack.

MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go.

CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.

YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

Thanks, Elaine, you are contributing to the merriment of lots of folks here! 371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much
weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that
picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the
soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts
worn by Jewish men.

(No comment necessary... ) 371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of having sex.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it..

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late..

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)

(Wiping my eyes.. oh, what a fun language!)371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c