You are so beautiful

    Sunday, February 22, 2009, 1:05 AM [General]

    Good Evening and welcome!

    I've been busy meeting life's challenges....so I haven't blogged for a while.  I have to say...I feel so blessed to be a part of this community.  I have experienced what I can only call "human beauty" here.  There are so many well intentioned honest expressions that it is heartwarming in the midst of my personal challenges. 

     To learn about the challenges others face and the honesty and humility with which they share them.  God has blessed us with each person.  This for me is an experience of beauty.  I miss you all and I expect that in March I will be able to resume my daily blog to you as myself.  

    warm waves of universal love, light and grace,

    with gratitude...

    thank you for reading,

    sentient8 

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    I miss my new community!

    Friday, February 13, 2009, 6:28 AM [General]

    Good morning and welcome!

     

    I've been out for a week and will be "out" again for a few more days.  I am purging my past by tossing out the things that keep my mind cluttered with memories.  I am preparing for the new life that I am praying for.

    Prayer...what is prayer?  Is it asking? Begging? making a statement of a new reality?  Well I've reduced myself to begging!  The decorum of creating my "new reality" is lost due to my lack of discipline and my giving my personal will to another....I have allowed my time, my energy to be expended in the service of another....my family and my personal needs go unmet.  This has caused me to become angry....I now have to ask God to get me out of it.... 

    I once heard a phrase that made me cringe...."Tender mercies please...."  This phrase was heard in the context of a movie in which torture was involved.  I am not suffering such physical torture, but I am suffering from the lack of freedom.   I have to get out of it, but its such a cycle...that I am afraid if I get off too suddenly, I might break something (figuratively speaking of course)......back to my purging...see you all Monday!  I plan to create a plan to meditate......

     

    warm waves of universal love, light, freedom and bliss to you all...

    thanks for reading! 

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    Life, cycles and other ingredients

    Friday, February 6, 2009, 9:28 AM [General]

    Good morning and Welcome!

     

    Yes...I heard a message in the wee hours but instead of getting up...now I'm late, but, I know what to do! I must prepare the product sample, stay focused on the job at hand and keep going.

     Cycles are constantly going on with us, we are a part many, many cycles.  Day into night into day, week after week, month after month, year after year....but during that cycle (like making a cake) ingredients are added and those added ingredients change our experience of the cycle...

    For example, a person can be sitting for months with nothing productive to do, when someone else gets an idea to engage that person...the one with the idea approaches the other and when the other agrees, their experience changes...this seems so small but the long term effects are really huge.... 

    Each message I receive during the night is an ingredient that I can add to change my experience during the cycles.

     

    warm waves of universal love and light

    thanks for reading!

    sentient8 

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    strange...dreams...and a message

    Thursday, February 5, 2009, 11:55 AM [General]

    Good morning and welcome!

     I woke up and started with work instead of blogging and now I am unable to share the strange mixed up dreams that I had last night...but a great message came through....the message was.."Why do you seek help outside of yourself when you know that everything is within?"  

    To clarify:  God made the universe and all of us from himself (sorry about the masculine assignment), and since that is the truth then why do I look outside toward his creation when I pray, why do I look (mentally) toward the sky, towards the visible creation when I should close my eyes?....As in sleep, as in death we exit within, that is where the great reality and power is.  This is an aspect to consider as I try to solve my problems. MEDITATE, MEDITATE, MEDITATE....and maybe the answers will come.

    Thanks to all in the beliefnet community who offer such encouraging words to me and to others.  It has been encouraging to see so many people sharing life's challenges so openly and honestly.  The internet has been very useful in bridging our life experiences. God the universal one being who is each of of us, his work is amazing! There is only one being in the universe but he is living as each of us!

    warm waves of universal  love and light to each of you!

    thanks for reading!

    sentient8 

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    dreams and other memories...

    Wednesday, February 4, 2009, 10:32 AM [General]

    Good morning and welcome!

     Last night I experienced that great location within myself.  In between sleep and in between mental activity.  I could feel that space in my head where everything is just perfect.  I recognize it and enjoy it.  Thats the space where I feel like I am floating. Another term for it that I have is..."high."

     It is such a happy space within my head...I am sure that if I meditated, I would experience more of that state! Later I had two dreams...they were lucid....one led to the other,  in a sense they were two but became one because of the way in which the scenarios intersected. -Matix like -

    The first: I got on a bus to travel somewhere.  Before I got on,  the driver - who was standing outside - collecting tickets (a strange element, my ticket was a only a note paper!) asked me if I preferred to take an alternate route?   I declined and when I got on the bus I saw that I was the only woman and the bus was full. I told him, that I would sit right behind him...may reasoning was that they might think I was his woman and somehow I would be safer! I am not saying this was rational thinking!)

     This is interesting because my safety felt "potentially threatened" (I was wondering if the men on the bus would resolve to remain civil in a time of emergency? We live in a society that poses honor, decorum and social graces,  but during emergencies our social values can change or even decline.) I began to pray....The one thing about experiences in dreams is how rapidly the environment changes!  I was praying and worrying and like a movie another scene occurred...There were at least two women on the bus...and I wondered where the first thought (in the dream) came that I was the only one?  The feeling of pleasant travel was restored.  Travelers were talking and moving around.  I did too.  I then decided to move to the back of the bus.  I took a seat and began talking to my sister, pleasantly surprised to find her there! (As I reflect on the changes in the dream, I am reminded that the manner in which the dream transformed into scenarios is the same manner that I wish my current waking life would transform.)

    We traveled and when we got to our destination it was to a house I had dreamed of before!   I recognized having dreamed of it before and that my mother owned this house and we her children had been welcomed to be in it. (That was an element of the previous dream)  

    In this dream it was large, but built narrowly, and very worn...it was worn before, but had grown worse.  My other sister was also there.  I noticed the holes in the rooms, big gaping holes in the walls near the floor...I thought about the fact that at night animals could get in and then I saw a raccoon that was not afraid of people.  I was eventually successful in getting it to leave... it took me quite a while to "scare" him away.  I say that because I think the raccoon left because I "annoyed" him more than scared him.

    In the house there were many very interesting things....there were even old clothes...people were walking through parts of the house like it was a vintage store....the house had elements of my currently desired dream house....something I am waiting for now...

    The most interesting thing about the dream is the level of comfort I experienced while dreaming it, the level of interest piqued in me and the fact that the dream had a lot of elements taken from my waking life and reformatted into elements of the dream...I recognized that a lot of elements from the dream could be traced to thoughts from the waking world.  Including the hopeful thoughts I experienced after reading a comment on my journal yesterday!  It is all so very subtle.....but I do recognize the elements.....well that's how the lucid dream world works for me,  its a very fluid reality.  But I like it because it is very creative and teaches me about manifesting in my current waking reality...my lesson this morning?  Recognize and learn from the process of the change in the elements of the dream from discomfort to comfort.  When there was fear, I prayed and there was change but I didn't notice the process of the change, I noticed the change....

     I have to get back to my-work life....sorry if I left typographical errors today!

    warm waves of universal love and light...

    thanks for reading and for those who comment....with deep appreciation, i thank you!

    sentient8 

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    self destruction....

    Tuesday, February 3, 2009, 9:34 AM [General]

    Good morning and welcome!

     Maybe its my age, but I have to admit I have thought about suicide a little too often!  I have talked about it and even planned a date (far, far out into the future).  This post is not a cry for help.  No one can help another out of their depression or change the circumstances of their life...such experiences are rare once a person has become an adult.  I believe that people can change the lives of children and I believe they do.  For example wealthy couples adopting orphans, etc.

    One family member actually began my day recently, by saying that he'd heard enough about my desire to "end it all"  He also said that family members were getting a guilt trip. That made me think and then wonder how many times I spoke about it. 

    Why do I want to "end it all?"  Well, my life is not proceeding in the direction I would like it to.  I am blessed enough to enjoy talents, but not blessed enough with time to enjoy or even cultivate them.  I spend my days "working" and going around in circles and I do not see how I've gotten myself to this point.

    I would like to spend my days in a peaceful environment, quiet, and then socialize at will like I do in this on line community, I don't want to worry about money and my survival.  Actually,  I think I am just tired of struggling, worrying and going around in circles.  That's enough to make me think of self destruction!

    It has been said, if you want a different outcome you can't do the same thing.  But what if doing the same thing is what keeps you surviving?  Well its 6:35am....I'd better get back on my hamster wheel!

     sorry the post isn't up-beat or lofty....no I did not meditate....

    warm waves of universal love and light....I know that's there....

    thanks for reading,

    sentient8 

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    Time, money...and fairness

    Monday, February 2, 2009, 10:57 AM [General]

    Good morning and Welcome!

    I'm thinking about time, money and fairness as I prepare to go to work.

    Time has greater value because time is your life running out. Once you spend your time (and we are every moment of our existence) you cannot recover it!  Wise use of time is very important and by wise, I mean productive. Money is circulatory tool, It can be recovered once utilized by the energy of our work.  it moves from hand to hand as we use it as a marker for trade.

    Most days all people "go to work"  for those who don't "go to work" some work is usually or should be performed as that is the way of our lives. We "go to work" to earn the money we need to purchase things we need or want. When we go to work we must make a conscious decision and that is am I being fair?  If you are being compensated, are you being fair and giving the performance that is being paid for? If you are paying for a service or product are you paying fairly for your expectation?  Is the person being fairly compensated for their time AND their mental activity?  If you are working with someone, are you doing your fair share of the work?

     I was imagining that I would share with two of my colleagues that I can't be expected to think for them.  They need to think for themselves.  I share that because on a per hour basis, they earn more than I do.  In fact on a per hour basis, I don't earn very much.  Yet it may be that I am expected not only to give my time....which is my life but my very ability to think as well. If I spend so much time problem solving for others, then that "burns" my mental energy too fast. God gives each of us the ability to think for ourselves.  We should use that ability to be successful.  Using someone else's brain to accomplish your work in life is not fair....this is not a fair value. 

    Money is given to compensate us for our time.  More money is given to compensate us for our creativity and our ability to think and resolve problems creatively.  I always find myself in a position where no matter how many team members there are...I am thinking for them in terms of their approach to their job.  Very often I will even perform their job because it takes less of my time to translate what I am thinking into their performance. Usually I don't offer much resistance.  However I had an unpleasant experience over the weekend and realized that it was due to my having to take responsibility for a decision that someone else should have made. 

    So today, as I consider our team meeting this week, I am going to find a way to ask my colleagues to take full responsibility for their work...including...the thinking component.  We are all trying to be productive and to earn what we need to take care of ourselves. Fairness is very important to our collective success.

    warm waves of universal love and light,

    thanks for reading

    sentient8 

     

     

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    Time and money...and fairness

    Monday, February 2, 2009, 10:49 AM [General]

    Good morning and Welcome!

     

    I was fortunate to get a good night's sleep (about 4 hours).  The good restful sleep is an amazing regenerating gift. I thank God for it! May I receive that gift again and again!

     

    I'm thinking about time and money today as I prepare to go to work.

    Time has greater value because time is your life running out.  Wise use of time is very important and by wise, I mean productive. Money simply circulates.  it moves from hand to hand as we use it as a marker for trade.

    Most days all people "go to work"  for those who don't "go to work" some work is usually or should be performed as that is the way of our lives. We "go to work" to earn the money we need to purchase things we need or want. At this point a work conscious decision must be made and that is am I being fair?  If you are being compensated, are you being fair and giving the performance that is being paid for? If you are paying for a service or product are you paying fairly for your expectation?  Is the person being fairly compensated for their time AND their mental activity?  If you are working with someone, are you doing your fair share of the work?

     I was imagining that I would share with two of my colleagues that I can't be expected to think for them.  They need to think for themselves.  I share that because on a per hour basis, they earn more than I do.  In fact on a per hour basis, I don't earn very much.  Yet it may be that I am expected not only to give my time....which is my life but my very ability to think as well. If I spend so much time problem solving for others, then that "burns" my mental energy too fast. God gives each of us the ability to think for ourselves.  We should use that ability to be successful.  Using someone else's brain to accomplish your work in life is not fair....this is not a fair value. 

    Money is given to compensate us for our time.  More money is given to compensate us for our creativity and our ability to think and resolve problems creatively.  I always find myself in a position where no matter how many team members there are...I am thinking for them in terms of their approach to their job.  Very often I will even perform their job because it takes less of my time to translate what I am thinking into their performance. Usually I don't offer much resistance.  However I had an unpleasant experience over the weekend and realized that it was due to my having to take responsibility for a decision that someone else should have made. 

     

    So today, as I consider our team meeting, I am going to find a way to ask my colleagues to take full responsibility for their work...including...the thinking component.  We are all trying to be productive and to earn what we need to take care of ourselves. Fairness is very important to our collective success.

     

    warm waves of universal love and light,

    thanks for reading

    sentient8 

     

     

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    "Love" what is it really?

    Sunday, February 1, 2009, 10:59 AM [General]

    Good morning and welcome!

     Yesterday, I posted about feeling love.    I was musing about the bond we feel between those we "love" and wondering if that very bond is the force of God.  Many have said that God is love.   We have all been able to identify when we feel love for someone.  We know it and we act on those feelings of love.  

    Many people talk about God being love and I think that is true... but God is also a mystery... There is purpose to every action. People often become upset or disappointed with each other and when they are.....the feeling of love is suspended...the "bond"  that can usually be felt is instead replaced with a void, an absence.....an alone feeling.  

    If God is love and the "bond" that we feel between each other is love, then when we no longer "feel" love what does that mean and what is that purpose?   There is another mystery. 

    God the great creative intelligence created this multiverse....at some point we all become aware of the creator... Is this bonding and breaking of bonds an example of the way things work?  Chemistry works like this. Do we work just like chemistry?...Polar and co-valent bonding...There is an attraction and then a formation and at times the bonds are broken and molecules drift apart  (going way back...my memory of terms may be off slightly!)

    We do everything we can for those we love. We wish for love, we sing about love, we fall in love (head over heels we say!), we help for love, we hurt for love...Love makes the world go around...we say! We believe that the strongest social force in the world is love...BUT WHAT IF... what we call love is not "love" but only a deeply strong magnetic force between mother and child, family and friends...

     Perhaps the bond we call love is how God fulfills purposes. Before mother and children, there is mother and father.  Perhaps that bond is the force of attraction driving us to complete a purpose or task and when that bond is broken, the task is completed.  What we have called love drives us to work with each other, to support each other to be near each other...but perhaps it isn't really love...it's just what we "call" love.

    warm waves of universal love and light

    thanks for reading,

    sentient8 

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    feeling love...

    Saturday, January 31, 2009, 11:49 AM [General]

    Good morning and welcome!

    Love is still a mystery to me.  I am sure that I experience it!  After all I do have a family. I am quite sure I LOVE my children, I LOVE my sisters, I LOVE people.  Still the definition of it eludes me.  

     I am quite sure people share their love with me...still... LOVE is as mysterious as God! 

    People say that God is love....I should explore that as a truth....if God is love then does that mean God is the BOND between people? 

    Questions! Questions! Questions!  Oh if only I would meditate!

    warm waves of universal love and light to all!

    thanks for reading!

    sentient8 

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