This is the text of a talk I recently gave at the Center for Nondualism.  Any comments?

 

The Dangers of Special Relationships

 

March 1, 2009

 

Center for Nondualism, Fort Walton Beach Florida

 

Good morning, how many have enjoyed the pleasure of having that one special person in their life that makes them complete.  Or as Rene Zellwegger, in Jerry Macguire said to someone special on the elevator, "You complete me."

 

You know the one.  Hallmark makes a lot of money selling cards so we can profess how we wouldn't be who we are without them.  How they fill in the parts where we aren't quite complete.  How they are the butter on our toast and the jelly in our PB&J sandwich.

 

All of this is well and good and sounds sweet but it has an underlying danger to it. First, it makes us entertain the thought that we can be incomplete.  To do so, we have to forget who we really are.  We have to realize that by thinking we are incomplete we have actually endorsed the notion of separation from God.

 

Secondly, we have now become involved in a relationship where someone can withhold something from us if they want to and we could very easily end up in a situation where we could be blackmailed or we could even act like an addict having his favorite recre-cuetical withheld and being willing to do anything to get what we want.

 

In a special relationship, two people come together to benefit one at the cost of another.  One person needs something, anything, that the other person has and the other person provides it.  In my work I run into folks who are in what only can be described as very addictive special relationships.  That's because the other person provides something for them that they don't think they have and need to get from someone else.  This is a very dangerous place to be and I see it all the time.  If I am addicted to your presence because I erroneously believe your presence makes me whole, then if you decide to withdraw your presence from me for some reason, the relationship isn't working, etc., then you, the person who is withdrawing that which I am addicted to becomes my enemy.

 

This wonderful person who made someone complete and was the missing parts of someone's life now becomes the enemy in that person's life and can be subject to all kinds of verbal and physical abuse in order to force them stay.

 

You, being the provider, who believes that I need whatever it is that I believe I am missing because I have obviously forgotten who I am, now become resentful.  Your path is obviously going in another direction or drifting slightly but you can't follow it because you and your ego have been wrapped up in the error of believing that we can be anything other than perfect.  Not only that, but you believe that this inferior and lacking person in front of you can't survive without what you have to offer.

 

So romantic, so Hallmark, so special.

 

What about adjustments in relationships or changing yourself to better suit someone else?

 

Adjustment:  "To make correspondent or conformable."
"To adapt or conform oneself (as to new conditions)."
"To achieve mental and behavioral balance between one's own needs and the demands of others."

 

So, quite simply, one thing is adjusted in order to correspond or conform itself to another thing, so that now they fit.

 

With this fuller understanding of adjustment  and applying that to the arena of interpersonal relationships. How are we doing that? How does the concept of adjustment  apply to human relationships? This shouldn't be too hard to figure out. Adjustment, as we saw, involves relationship between two things, which surely can include two people. Adjustment as applied to human relationships was even part of the dictionary definition of it (the last definition I listed above).

 

It does not take much thought to realize the significance we ascribe to adjustment in interpersonal relationships. In our eyes, relationships need lots of adjustment in order to work. The fit between two people is never naturally perfect. There is always some lack of fit. So to make the fit better we make adjustments. I adjust myself to fit your needs. But I also try to get you to adjust to fit mine. And of course the same thing is going on from your end. This is a massive part of the whole dance of relationship. By me adjusting to your needs and you adjusting to mine, we will hopefully meet in the middle and carry on a successful relationship. We learn the art of compromise, we learn to give and take, and the relationship works.

 

Relationships clearly depend on adjustments or so we mistakenly believe.  The implication is that this is not the case at all. We do not need to adjust to each other in order to get along! In fact, according to this sentence, we are not adjusting to each other.  They are being adjusted to the ego's idea of what the relationship ought to be. The ego is not adjusting the two people to conform to each other; it is adjusting the relationship to conform to itself. The relationship is being adjusted not to their needs but to its. The ego is the only one getting its needs met here.

 

The people in the relationship need to work through their areas of contention and decide on a common goal.  The goal should be adjusted not the people working towards it.

 

If you have two things that already perfectly fit each other and you then adjust one or the other, what happens? Obviously, you throw them out of alignment. For example, our garage door has a device that keeps it from closing if there is something in the way, to protect children from being crushed. On either side of the garage is an electronic eye and a beam of light shines between these two eyes. When that beam is broken, by, say, a child lying on the cement, the garage door will not close. What also breaks the beam, though, is when the two electronic eyes are not pointing perfectly at each other. So, when you bump one of them with a rake or shovel (as I've done more times than I care to admit), they fall out of alignment and the garage will not close. They are already aligned; only when I accidentally adjust one of them do they fall out of alignment.

 

We are like the electronic eyes. In our true nature, we are all naturally aligned. We point at each other perfectly, creating a direct beam of connection. Thus, any adjustment, in one person or the other, rather than bringing the two of us into alignment, takes us out of alignment. We no longer fit. Now further adjustments become necessary. The adjustments, then, get in the way of the direct relationship that results from the innate fit between two people.

 

Of course, this alignment exists on the level of who we really are, and that is the level on which we are meant to relate. The holiness in me is meant to recognize and love the holiness in you, and vice versa. As soon as I think that I am my body and personality, and that you are yours, we will need to make endless futile adjustments in "who we are" in order to attempt a fit. To truly fit, we need to uncover the pre-existing alignment, not further obscure it by adding new adjustments to the original ones which threw us out of alignment.

 

Once upon a time there were two people who fit together perfectly. They were made for each other. The natural state of their relationship was perfect harmony and bliss. Their only desire was to meet, to unite, and for this they were perfectly suited.

 

But then this man showed up at the front door uninvited. He said, "I am a mediator, a trained psychologist, and you need me. You have a terrible rift between you. Only expert help can fix it. You (the man in the relationship) need to learn how to adjust yourself to her needs. You also need to stand up for yours. You must learn to clearly communicate those needs and how she can adjust herself to meet them. You (the woman) need also to adjust yourself so that you can fulfill his needs. But you can't lose yours in the process. You need to learn how to artfully tell him how he can satisfy your needs, entice him into doing so, and reward him afterwards. Let me put you in two separate rooms. You can communicate through me. Hopefully, through this process, both partners will adjust themselves until they can meet in the middle and finally achieve a truly constructive, healthy relationship."

 

The two are reluctant but allow the mediator to go ahead. He places them in their separate rooms and begins shuttling back and forth between them. They get into the spirit of things and start suggesting adjustments, but in his wisdom he knows better and so he makes his proposed adjustments, not theirs. Not surprisingly, since they started out a perfect fit, each adjustment brings them further out of alignment, not closer together. Finally, they are left with a mountain of adjustments standing in between them, and the mediator there as well, who has no plans of going away. It seems they are in such fundamental discord that they need his services permanently. Their original, perfect harmony has been forgotten. Needless to say, they do not live happily ever after.

 

And this doesn't have to be in strictly romantic relationships, either.  We are in relationships all the time.  We are in relationships with everything we see, touch, and experience every day.  The special relationships we form with those items in our version of reality are the ones we need to be wary of.

 

When the car you love breaks down and won't take you to work how much do you love it?  When the TV goes out and you can't watch your favorite show, how much do you like your TV?

 

When I speak of relationships, in general, I mean any situation in our life that involves more than simply one person, ourselves. Like I said, the phrase refers not just to romantic relationships, but to our relationships with our parents, children, and siblings, relationships between bosses and employees, teachers and pupils (regardless of the subject matter), or between us and anyone we interact with, from doctors to policemen to someone we meet on the street-anyone with whom we are thrown together by the circumstances of our lives. They include not only relationships with people for whom we have a particular love or liking, but also ones with people we especially dislike, judge, or even hate.

 

So how do, we get from this special relationship to a holy relationship?

 

Most of the time it resides as a potential or a presence just beneath the surface, but able to be contacted. There are thus two relationships going on at once: the usual surface relationship, which is dominated by the ego, and the holy relationship, which only surfaces occasionally in moments of genuine forgiveness, love, and joining.

 

This dual-relationship is really there in all relationships. All of them have the surface relationship that is dominated by the ego, and an underlying relationship of true, holy joining. For, as I said, God created us all perfectly united. What the Course calls a holy relationship is simply a case where that underlying relationship has been allowed to come closer to the surface, where it has become a consciously shared goal and, as a result, an active presence in the situation.

 

Something inside you is terrified of uncovering the primordial unity the two of you have shared since before time. And so that something shows up as your guide, to expertly shepherd you into a pseudo-joining, a joining based on carefully worked-out bargains, based on each being a slave to the other's needs (which the Course says are not even real needs). This pseudo-joining does not reveal the pre-existing union God gave you; it obscures it. It is not even a sincere attempt at finding that true joining, but a deliberate attempt to bury it. It is a studied [calculated, premeditated] interference. Each adjustment makes the implicit statement, "As we are, we do not fit." Each adjustment makes one partner a slave to the needs of the other, and no true joining is possible between slave and master. Thus, after all the adjusting and counter-adjusting, the very thought that you share this pre-existing, perfect relationship seems at best irrelevant, at worst patently false.

 

The Course talks about true joining and false joining.  True being the holy relationship and false being the special relationship.

 

One example of this kind of false joining is the typical scenario of two people joining in a business venture. I think if we're honest with ourselves, we have to admit that as a general rule, we enter into such ventures in order to serve our own ego goals: to make money for ourselves, acquire material possessions, give ourselves the means to live a life of luxury, gain prestige, etc. Our business partners, in our eyes, are simply useful means to accomplish these personal goals. We may deny this and claim that the our partner's success is equally important to us. We may have the best of conscious intentions, and really be striving to see our business ventures as truly collaborative enterprises. But given our heavy investment in the ego, I think that in most cases the bottom line is still "What's in it for me?" This is made evident by the fact that we are very quick to jettison our business partners when they don't hold up their end of the bargain. Our primary motivation is to accomplish our separate, personal ego goals, not to truly join with the other person.

 

Another example of false joining is one I mentioned above, a kind of "joining" that is near and dear to all of our hearts: the romantic love relationship. At least if our popular music, literature, TV shows, and movies are any indicators, the romantic love relationship is easily the most sought after prize on earth. In our eyes, finding that special someone to join "body and soul" in wedded (or at least cohabitating) bliss is the deepest, truest kind of joining imaginable.

 

But again, I think we have to admit that as a general rule, we enter into such relationships to serve our own ego goals. We see our romantic partners as the perfect fulfillment of our personal ego fantasies, and "love" them as long as their bodies satisfy us sexually, say the right things to us, and do the things we want them to do. Our romantic relationships are thus pretty much the same as our business relationships: However much we may say that we care about our partner's welfare, the bottom line is what's in it for us. And just as with our business partners, the tenuous, illusory nature of romantic "love" is revealed by just how quick we are to dump our romantic partners when they no longer satisfy. Once they stop fulfilling our ego fantasies, we no longer want anything to do with them, and may even come to hate them. (Our penchant for bitter divorces is certainly a testament to this.) As with our business ventures, our primary motivation here is to accomplish our separate, personal ego goals, not to truly join with the other person.

 

By definition, what is it that the Course in Miracles calls a holy relationship?

 

A relationship in which two or more people have truly joined in a common goal, at least for an instant. In this instant the Holy Spirit enters the relationship and heals it at a deep, unconscious level. This deep-level healing then slowly works its way to the surface, overturning the ego patterns that still may dominate much of the conscious interaction. As the holy relationship matures, the people involved will experience an increasing sense of oneness, which will prove to them more effectively than anything else that they are not separate egos. And they will exercise their joint special function of together giving healing to the world.

 

The holy relationship is a foretaste of Heaven. Heaven, the Course tells us, is the awareness of absolute oneness. In a holy relationship, two people experience and manifest that oneness here, in the dream.

 

The holy relationship described in the Text is specifically Helen and Bill's. That holy relationship therefore fits the pattern of their relationship-starting out as a special relationship filled with major issues, and then coming to one pivotal moment in which the two join in a common goal, which allows holiness to enter the relationship.

 

Like how Helen and Bill joined, true joining is a joining that affirms the inherent unity of minds by recognizing our common interests. "Common interests," as I'm using the term here, does not refer to the idea of being interested in the same things (like sharing a hobby or similar political views), but to the idea of mutual benefit: Because our minds are one, we gain or lose together. In the Course's view, this recognition of common interests is the most crucial turning point in our entire spiritual journey, the key insight that tilts our minds away from the ego and toward God. If one person recognizes common interests with another (which can be done even if the other person doesn't consciously see common interests himself), then that one person becomes a teacher of God. And if two people see common interests with each other and join in a unified goal, then they enter into what the Course calls a holy relationship, a relationship which "represents the reversal of the unholy [special] relationship" (T-17.V.2:4). For while the special relationship is a false joining of egos in the service of separate ego goals, the holy relationship is a true joining of minds in the service of a truly common goal (or "common purpose," which in the Course means the same thing), a goal established by the Holy Spirit.

 

This leads to a big question: What constitutes a truly common goal? What makes the common goal of the holy relationship different from the ego goals that masquerade as "common goals" in the special relationship? In a nutshell, the Course says that a common goal is anything that can be truly shared. I read a discussion of how the joining of two people in a common purpose invites God into their relationship.  It said that it does not matter what their purpose is, but they must share it wholly to succeed. So now the question becomes: What kind of purpose or goal is wholly shareable?

 

Based on my understanding of the Course, I would say that in order for a goal to be wholly shareable, there are two properties it must have. First, it must be an idea. The goal of acquiring material things cannot be truly shared, because material things themselves cannot be truly shared; even if we jointly own something, in truth we "divide its ownership" (T-5.I.1:10). A goal rooted in an idea, however, is a completely different story, because as the Course tells us many times, ideas can be truly shared:

 

If you share an idea...you do not lessen it. All of it is still yours although all of it has been given away. (T-5.I.1:11-12)

 

Second, and more specifically, it must be an idea that reflects the goal of universal salvation. That is, the goal must involve the realization of a saving idea, the facilitation of someone's internal healing or awakening. It must be focused on the healing of one or both participants in the relationship, or the healing of someone outside of the relationship-healing that, wherever it is specifically focused, will ultimately include everyone and benefit the entire world.

 

Thus, we cannot truly join in the "common goal" of hateful ideas like white supremacy, getting revenge, or forcibly establishing our religion as the one true faith, because these ideas are obviously ideas of separation, not ideas that reflect the goal of universal salvation. We cannot truly join in any ego idea, because the ego is the very antithesis of salvation-in fact, the ego is the very thing we are saved from. This means that we certainly cannot join in the goal of acquiring specialness-the goal of the special relationship-because specialness by definition is an attempt to "save" the special one at everyone else's expense. Only an idea that leads to the salvation of all can serve as the common goal of a holy relationship.

 

For example, a patient comes to a therapist. The two of them don't, however, form a holy relationship immediately, because they don't have a common goal.  At the beginning, the patient's goal and the therapist's are at variance.  The patient's goal is to keep his self-concept exactly as it is, but without the suffering that it entails, while the therapist's goal is to change the patient in some way that he believes is real. Therefore, in order to have a holy relationship, the two will have to give up their original goals and find a way of reconciling these differences. They will have to find a common goal at which they can meet.

 

The Course appears to teach that we go through a period of preparation, getting ready for holy relationships and that when we are ready, we will meet those holy relationship partners inevitably. So we don't really have to do anything about finding the right partner, we just have to get ourselves ready. There are many articles that clearly present the fact that pupils begin to seek their teacher when the teacher is ready to learn. The same principles that apply to this particular form of holy relationship apply to all holy relationships: We will inevitably meet the right partners for our holy relationship as soon as we are ready to learn from the holy relationship. Prior to that time we probably would not even recognize them if we met them!

 

Should we be looking for our holy relationship partner? Well, the Manual says that when the teacher is ready the pupils start looking for him, so apparently looking is part of the process. I think that "looking" is not the kind of looking we usually think of, however. We make it a specialness thing; we are looking for that special one. I think we should be looking continually for holy relationship partners; with everyone we meet! If every relationship is destined to become holy, we should look on everyone as a potential partner for a holy relationship. A holy relationship may last a few seconds or a lifetime; so everyone we meet is a candidate.

 

In Chapter 3 of the Teacher's Manual, we read:

 

There is no one from whom a teacher of God cannot learn, so there is no one whom he cannot teach. However, from a practical point of view he cannot meet everyone nor can everyone find him. Therefore, the plan includes very specific contacts to be made for each teacher of God. There are no accidents in salvation. Those who are to meet will meet, because together they have the potential for a holy relationship. They are ready for each other (M-3.1:4-8).

 

In this world, within time, we can't meet everyone, so "very specific contacts" are set up for each of us. There is a plan. There are certain ones with whom we can develop holy relationships; and there are no accidents. The key line, which I think can reassure us if we are worrying about how we will meet the right partner for a holy relationship, is this: "Those who are to meet will meet." There is no need to worry about it; it's a done deal.

 

Thank you for letting me have this special time with you this morning

.

I speak regularly at the Center for Nondualism in Fort Walton Beach, FLorida. This is another one of those talks.
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The Beatitudes

December 28, 2008

Center for Non-Dualism, Fort Walton Beach, Florida

Good morning. One of the best known and oft quoted sections of the New Testament, the Beatitudes from Latin beatus, meaning "blessed" or "happy" is my topic for today. Blessed or happy means possessing an inward contentedness and joy that is not affected by the physical circumstances.

The beatitudes are actually found in two places, the book of Mark and the book of Luke. In the Book of Mark, this is the beginning section of what is known as the Sermon on the Mount. In the Book of Luke, since Jesus went to the mountain and prayed during the night but in the morning “went to a level place” where the multitudes had gathered, this is known as part of the sermon on the plain. Some scholars think both are the same thing. Others think they are different since Jesus regularly preached on the same theme at different times. However, Mark’s version has eight beatitudes while Luke’s version has four. I’ll make note of those parallels as we go along this morning. For this morning, I used the New International Version of the Bible since it sounded closest to what we hear so often. There is a version called “The Message” Bible that I found particularly enjoyable and I’ll close this morning with a reading from it.

From the New International Version, Mathew, book 5; the Sermon on the Mount:

1 Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him,

2 and he began to teach them saying:

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Now, from the New International Version, Luke, Chapter 6; the sermon on the plain:

(This chapter deals with two consecutive Sabbaths and what Jesus did on those days.)

12 One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.

13 When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated, apostles:

17 He went down with them and stood on a level place. A large crowd of his disciples was there and a great number of people from all over Judea, from Jerusalem, and from the coast of Tyre and Sidon,

18 who had come to hear him

20 Looking at his disciples, he said: "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

21 Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.

22 Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.

Alright then. Let’s go through each of these and see where our yoga practices fit into this sermon. I’ll take each one of these and explore it a bit.

* Blessed are the poor in spirit. (Mark)

* Blessed are the poor (Luke)

Look at poor. What does it mean, Lacking? Not enough? Humble? Would you rather be in a position where you feel you are lacking in spirituality or wealthy in your spirituality? Wealthy means you have more than you need.

To be poor materially, I have to have an awareness and a belief that there is something I don’t have. If I don’t know what I’m missing, I can’t feel like I’m lacking in it. Knowing something exists that I have a desire for, a burning for, will make me work towards it. However, we know that worldly wealth means nothing. What wealth would we really want? The wealth of wisdom that comes from actual self realization.

Swami J’s site includes a good description of this poverty in spirit:

The most important teaching of yoga has to do with our nature as human beings. It states that our "true nature" goes far beyond the limits of the human mind and personality--that instead, our human potential is infinite and transcends our individual minds and our sense of self. The very word "yoga" makes reference to this. The root, "yuj" (meaning "unity" or "yoke"), indicates that the purpose of yoga is to unite ourselves with our highest nature. This re-integration is accomplished through the practices of the various yoga disciplines. Until this re-integration takes place, we identify ourselves with our limitations--the limitations of the body, mind, and senses. Thus we feel incomplete and limited, and are subject to feelings of sorrow, insecurity, fear, and separation, because we have separated ourselves from the experience of the whole.

This feeling of sorrow that Swami J mentioned leads us right into the next Beatitude:

* Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (Mark)

* Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. (Luke)

What do we mourn or weep for? Usually if not always, it’s the loss or lack of a person, place or thing. A worldly thing we have lost that is causing us great distress. This is not what Jesus was talking about. I think he was talking about those of us who realize that we have lost the knowledge of unity with God, Atman, and Grace. Those who mourn, that Jesus were talking about, are those who wallow in divine melancholy that arises from the awakening consciousness of separation.

Mourning for material things can be settled by having that thing, whatever it is, being provided to us. However, the thing is only temporary and will be snatched away at some time in the future. Jesus was talking about the single-minded yearning for Truth or God consciousness

Paramahansa Yogananda says it this way:

“Blessed are you who cry for God-realization now, for by that single-minded yearning you shall attain. With the entertainment of ever new joy found in divine communion, you shall laugh and rejoice throughout eternity!”

* Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. (Mark)

* Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. (Luke)

This one is easy. We should have a hunger or need for knowledge and be thirsty or have a desire for the actions, attitudes, and attributes that lead us on a path of righteousness. Righteousness is acting rightly in the physical, mental, and spiritual departments of life. This thirst and hunger will be satisfied.

When we try to satisfy our thirst and hunger with material things, grope around from one pleasure to another, we find our inner hunger is ever satisfied and we keep searching because each of them is ultimately inadequate.

“Blessed are you who thirst for wisdom and esteem virtue and righteousness as the real food to appease your inner hunger, for you shall have lasting happiness brought only by adhering to divine ideals—unparalleled satisfaction of heart and soul.”

* Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

“The imperious egoist is easily riled, defensive, and resentfully offensive, repelling emissaries of wisdom who seek entry into the castle of his life; but the meek and humbly receptive attract the unseen assistance of beneficent angels of cosmic forces proffering material, mental, and spiritual well-being. Thus do the meek of spirit inherit not only all wisdom, but the earth, that is earthly happiness, along with it”

The New American Standard version says, “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.”

The New International Reader’s Edition says, “Blessed are those who are free of pride. They will be given the earth.”

The Message Bible has my favorite version of this verse. It says, “You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.”

If we’re meek, gentle, free of pride, and content with who we are, we will be blessed with earthly happiness.

Sounds good to me. Let’s move on.

* Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. (Mark)

* Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you. (Luke)

Mercy, compassion, forgiveness.

I think this mercy must begin with us, each of us. We must be merciful on our self before we can be merciful to others. This mercy and caring should extend from our self to our fellow travelers and even to the planet.

This is where the five yamas fit in, non-harming (2.35), truthfulness (2.36), non-stealing (2.37), remembering the higher reality (2.38) and non-possessiveness (2.39) and the four attitudes, friendliness, compassion, goodwill, and neutrality.

Jack Kornfield in A Path with a Heart sums it up when he says,

“Not killing can grow into a reverence for life, a protective caring for all sentient beings who share life with us. Not stealing can become the basis for a wise ecology, honoring the limited resources of the earth and actively seeking ways to live and work that share our blessings worldwide. From this spirit can come a life of natural and healing simplicity. Out of not lying we can develop our voice to speak for compassion, understanding, and justice. Out of nonharming sexuality, our most intimate relations can also become expressions of love, joy, and tenderness. Out of not abusing intoxicants or becoming heedless, we can develop a spirit that seeks to live in the most awake and conscious manner in all circumstances. At first, precepts are a practice. Then they become a necessity, and finally they become a joy. When our heart is awakened, they spontaneously illuminate our way in the world.

What about the awakened heart?

* Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

The Bhagavad Gita VI: 27, 29-30 says:

“The yogi who has completely calmed the mind and controlled the passions and freed them from all impurities, and who is one with spirit—verily, he has attained supreme blessedness.

“With the soul united to Spirit by yoga, with a vision of equality for all things, the yogi beholds his Self (Spirit-united) in all creatures and all creatures in the Spirit.

“He who perceives me everywhere and beholds everything in Me never looses sight of Me, nor do I ever lose sight of him.”

From the Yoga Sutras “Yoga chitta vritti narodha” the control (narodha, regulation, channeling, mastery, integration, coordination, stilling, quieting, setting aside) of the modifications (gross and subtle thought patterns) of the mind field allows the Seer to abide in Itself, resting in its own True Nature, which is called Self-realization.

Swami Sri Yukteswar wrote in his book, The Holy Science, that man’s heart progresses from the dark heart, to the steady heart, the devoted heart, and ultimately, the clean heart where Swami Yukteswar stated that man “becomes able to comprehend the Spiritual Light, Brahma, the Real Substance in the universe.”

We can clear and purify our mind and we will have excellent reasoning capabilities and razor sharp discernment of the right path to take. This discrimination ability metamorphoses into wisdom. It’s the purity of the heart in concert with this wisdom that leads us to where we should go. Like Jesus said in his number one commandment, “with all your heart”. As in Bhakti Yoga, we follow the path love and devotion.

* Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

This peace is not only for others, it must start within. In fact, yoga, with its powerful techniques for creating a sense of inner peace, harmony, and clarity of mind is a wonderful place to start.

What is peace? Krishnamurti defined it as a fundamentally existential condition:

"Peace is a state of being in which all conflicts and all problems have ceased; it is not a theory, not an ideal to be achieved after ten incarnations, ten years or ten days. As long as the mind has not understood its own activity, it will create more misery; and the understanding of the mind is the beginning of peace."

There are, of course, a few lessons in A Course in Miracles that deal with inner peace. Lesson 255 states:

This day I choose to spend in perfect peace.

It does not seem to me that I can choose to have but peace today. And yet, my God assures me that His Son is like Himself. Let me this day have faith in Him Who says I am God’s Son. And let the peace I choose be mine today bear witness to the truth of what He says. God’s Son can have no cares, and must remain forever in the peace of Heaven. In His name, I give today to finding what my Father wills for me, accepting it as mine, and giving it to all my Father’s Sons, along with me.

The lesson ends with a prayer:

²And so, my Father, would I pass this day with You. Your Son has not forgotten You. The peace You gave him still is in his mind, and it is there I choose to spend today.

Once this divine peace is manifested in us, it transforms our home, our neighborhood, our town, our country, even our world. A person who brings peace to a warring family, establishes God in their midst. One who brings peace to warring nations does likewise. It must start within though with proper meditation and awareness of our divine nature and the peace we all carry within.

* Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Mark)

* Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. (Luke)

The Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 18 states,

“He who is tranquil before friend and foe alike, and in encountering adoration and insult, and during the experiences of warmth and chill and of pleasure and praise in the same light; who is quiet and easily contented, not attached to domesticity, and of calm disposition and devotional—that person is dear to Me.

My fellow man has excluded me from many activities since I started actively pursuing this path. I can’t remember the last time I was called by a friend to see if I wanted to go out and get drunk or go to a beer bust. There are a lot of worldly activities that I am no longer asked to participate in. I’ve also noticed a severe drop in the amount if gossip I’m privy to.

The activities I choose to take part in are those that I find useful to helping me on my path. I have the freedom to say neti neti, not this not this, to worldly activities that are a waste of time.

I also believe that unconsciously, folks around us see the way we live our lives with prolonged self exploration and self discipline and are acutely aware that maybe they should try a little bit of it themselves. I know that my closest drinking buddies no longer ask me over. Not because I don’t drink but because I was able to stop and they are still fighting their own demon. To see that it is possible, damages their internal belief system.

In a commentary on A Course in Miracles by Allen Watson,

The strength of innocence, gentleness, and love is seen as "weak" and is shunned. Attack is seen instead as strong. "Standing on your own feet" and being "independent" is seen as maturity and strength, and union with others and dependence on God is seen as weakness. The ultimate image of a mighty ego is a lone individual screaming defiance at the entire universe. The ego cannot see nor understand that this lone, limited, and separated self is the very symbol of weakness.

Ralph Waldo Emerson asks,

“Is it so bad to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.”

In closing, I’d like to revisit the beatitudes as they are written. Please keep an ear open for the yogic principles. I’ll use “The Message” version of the Bible:

Matthew, Chapter 5

You're Blessed

1-2 When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:

3 "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

4 "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

5 "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

6 "You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's good and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

7 "You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

8 "You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

9 "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

10 "You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

And finally, from Luke, Chapter 6, the sermon on the plain, the last half:

Give Away Your Life

24 But it's trouble ahead if you think you have it made. What you have is all you'll ever get.

25 And it's trouble ahead if you're satisfied with yourself. Your self will not satisfy you for long. And it's trouble ahead if you think life's all fun and games. There's suffering to be met, and you're going to meet it.

26 "There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular.

27-30 "To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, gift-wrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

31-34 "Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.

35-36 "I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.

37-38 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."

Thank you for letting me spend my time with you this morning.

Namaste.

Was Jesus studying yoga from the age of 13 to 29?  These are the notes I used for a recent talk at the Center For Non-Dualism.
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Good morning.  I had a great deal of fun working on this topic for today.  Every time I come up with a topic, it’s because a thought flitted across my mind and I glanced at it long enough for a bud to develop.  Getting scheduled to speak on the thought is necessary for me because then I can channel my energy into researching that one idea and making the bud blossom.  However, In doing so, I always run across other things that tickle my mind that I can look at later.  This was no exception and I think it is a wonderful reservoir of fascinating topics.

This idea came up when I gave my talk on non-duality and A Course in Miracles.  I found a surprising amount of non-duality in the teachings of Jesus and started reading more.  When I gave my talk about becoming more spiritual, I found that the thread on non-duality spread throughout the Bible.  How could this be, I thought.  Christianity is a dualistic religion.  How could the Bible, the foundation of the Christian Church seem to me to be non-dualistic?

This then led me to question how deep the non-dualistic principles were and, for confirmation, was anything else written on, what appeared to me, to be a major disconnect?

For this talk, I strolled through Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism and others.  I have some favorite Bible Web Sites where I can research passages in about two dozen versions of the Bible.  I started getting the feeling one gets when, after looking all over the house for his car keys, he stops and opens his hand and finds them there.  What I was finding had been there all the time.  I just hadn’t seen it.

From a book, The Science of Breath, written in 1905, to Paramahansa Yogananda writings in the 1940’s, Swami Rama’s writings from the 1980’s, scores of variations and interpretations of the Koran, the Torah, and the Bible a common thread emerged.. 

It led me to study a gentleman by the name of Nicholas  Notovitch. Born in the Crimea in 1858, he was a  writer and journalist who on 14 October 1887 left Rawlpindi, worked his way to Kashmir and then to Ladakh, Tibet, planning a return journey through Khartoum and Chinese Turkistan.

While there, he heard a fascinating legend about a man known as St Issa or Prophet Issa or as Issa .  Issa shows up in Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism but suprisingly made his mark from the time he was 14 through the age of 28 and then nothing much is heard except for a nasty death a few years later I’ll cover in a little while.

One of the Lamas visited reportedly said that Buddhists greatly respected Issa, ‘Among the many scrolls at Himis are to be found the descriptions and acts of the Buddha Issa who preached holy doctrine in India and among the children of Israel.’

Islam is loaded with references to the Prophet Issa.  Prophet Mohammed preaches in his Scripture the unity of Deity, and renders honor to the Christian prophet "Issa Ben Yussuf" (Jesus, son of Joseph).

But lets back up and get the basics of where yoga fits in to all of this. 

 In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.  He said, Let there be light.”

Before there was light, there was the sound of his “words”.  Before there was sound there was the intention to say the words.  Before the intention, there was pure thought.  We, all of us, are a part of the thought, an idea in the mind of God experiencing our versions of reality.  Each one of us has our own version based on our own personal perceptions based on our own personal histories.

Our histories start an instant ago and extend to where we were born and before that.

When we emerged from the ocean and became our own wave, we brought with us the history and perceptions of our past lives and a part of the universal consciousness.  We travel this existence “working off Karma” and carrying with us the samskaras of the past so we can realize and possibly return to the universal thought, God, all that is; the I am.  The samskaras, imprints left on the subconscious mind by experience (from this or previous lives), color all of life, one's nature, responses, states of mind, etc.  So, like I’ve talked about before, everything we see is colored by our past; recent, distant, and prior to this existence.

Once in a while, someone comes into existence in this reality an Avatar; an incarnation of a fragment of God on Earth, like us but without samskaras.   This person comes into being without past karma, without “original sins”.  Avatars that are known of in the West include Christ, Buddha, Rama and Krishna. There are many others, however, as enumerated in the Bhagavata, the story of all the major Avatars.

Now, in the book of Genesis Chapter 2, verse 21, it says “So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept.”  I have yet to find out where we woke up and isn’t that what we’re all really trying to do?

From what I understand, Jesus however wasn’t asleep when he arrived in this existence and knew who he really was.  He came into being knowing exactly who he was and his relationship with God, the all that, the I am. 

There is quite a bit written about Jesus from birth until the age of twelve.  Shortly after his 12^th birthday, he went to Jerusalem with his mom and dad to celebrate Passover like they did every year.   This year they left thinking he was with other folks in the caravan and thinking he was just hanging with his buds, didn’t notice him missing until the next day.  After an extensive search, they decided they must have left him behind when they left so they turned around and went back to Jerusalem to find him.  He was fine when they found him.  He was in one of the temples talking to the religious and spiritual leaders.

Reportedly, they were quite impressed with his questions and wisdom.  Mom and Dad thanked everyone for taking such good care of him, they packed him up and they left for home.  Jesus, at this time is approaching the ripe old age of thirteen and by tradition, is the right age to get married.  From what I found, there was quite a flow of families and prospective wives brought to the family home but, young Jesus wasn’t really interested.

This is where the Bible stops and then the Bible picks up again when He is at age thirty at the river Jordan where his cousin John baptizes him.  In the book of Luke Chapter 2, verse 52, John reportedly noticed the difference in Jesus.  The verse says:  “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.  Jesus said he was off doing his Father’s business.” 

That leaves eighteen years unaccounted for.

Nicholas Roerich, a Russian painter and spiritual teacher writes:

        The divine child, to whom was given the name of Issa, began from his earliest years to speak of the one and indivisible God, exhorting the souls of those gone astray to repentance and the purification of the sins of which they were culpable.

        People came from all parts to hear him, and they marveled at the discourses proceeding from his childish mouth. All the Israelites were of one accord in saying that the Eternal Spirit dwelt in this child.

        When Issa had attained the age of thirteen years, the epoch when an Israelite should take a wife,

        The house where his parents earned their living by carrying on a modest trade began to be a place of meeting for rich and noble people, desirous of having for son-in-law the young Issa, already famous for his edifying discourses in the name of the Almighty.

        Then it was that Issa left the parental house in secret, departed from Jerusalem, and with the merchants set out towards Sind with the object of perfecting himself in the Divine Word and of studying the laws of the great Buddhas.

Nicolas Notovitch, a Russian aristocrat, Cossack officer, spy and journalist wrote a book in 1894 called “The Lost Years of Jesus: The Life of Saint Issa” after his extensive travels in the Orient.  Obviously, the book wasn’t very well received.

The "Life of Issa" begins with an account of Israel in Egypt, its deliverance by Moses, its neglect of religion, and its conquest by the Romans. Then there follows an account of the Incarnation. At the age of thirteen the divine youth, rather than take a wife, leaves his home to wander with a caravan of merchants to India (Sindh), to study the laws of the great Buddhas.

Issa is welcomed by the Jains, but leaves them to spend six years among the Brahmins, at Juggernaut, Benares, and other places, studying the Vedas and teaching all castes alike. The Brahmins oppose him in this, and he denounces them and their sacred books, especially condemning caste and idolatry. When they plan to put him to death, he flees to the Buddhists, and spends six years among them, learning Pali and mastering their religious texts. He goes among the pagans, warning them against idolatry and teaching a high morality. Then he visits Persia and preaches to the Zoroastrians.

According to legend, Issa was 14 years of age when he crossed the Sind, a region we know today as South East Pakistan in the lower Indus Valley. Here he established himself with the Aryas who migrated to that region in the second millennium BC. Issa’s fame spread and he acquired many devoted followers. The Jains, a strict religious sect requested him to remain with them but he continued instead on his journey, visiting Juggernaut where the Brahmin Priests initially welcomed him.

Issa spent six years studying the Vedas with the Brahmin priesthood, perfecting the healing arts and the rites of the exorcism, becoming versed in the mastery of the body through the yogic practices of subduing the heartbeat and bodily functions to attain altered states of higher consciousness.

At that time the caste system controlled the lives of those of the Hindu religion from the cradle to the grave, and not surprisingly the Brahmin priesthood had elevated itself to the highest caste or rank stating their authority came from the Vedas, their sacred scripture. This Brahmin priesthood and the Kristiyas, or Warrior caste, dictated all aspects of life for the masses. The priesthood were the only ones allowed to read from the Vedas. The farmers and the merchant’s caste were allowed to hear the Holy Scriptures read by priests but only on feast days. The lower castes of the peasants and laborers were not allowed to hear them at all nor even to look at them.

This social system of segregation allocated people to a specific caste from birth to death; the lower served the higher. It was in effect slavery since there was no possibility of rising from the imposed caste system. The only escape was death. Issa spoke out against the caste system

Issa denounced the priests’ interpretation from the Vedic scriptures as false, enraging the Brahmins by challenging their right to relegate human beings to subservience and accusing them of being ‘a false priesthood.’ As a result they plotted to kill him but Issa was warned by the peasant caste, and leaving by night he began the next stage of his journey through Asia.

Travelling to Southern Nepal at the foothills of the Himalayas he reached the birthplace of Guatama Buddha who had taught the people five centuries before. Here after a further six years of study Issa had become ‘a perfect expositor of the sacred writings’. Leaving the Himalayas, he journeyed West through Persia where he preached against idolatry to the Zoroastrians. The worship of the ‘Sacred Flame’ as a focus of ‘the light of God’ as taught by the prophet Zoroaster had become corrupted to a worship of the fire element itself as once again humanity had fallen into the error of worshipping the physical expression of the Creator, failing to see the truth in the sacred teaching of a Master.

Issa restored the true understanding to the people who followed and revered him but once again he became the target of revenge from an alienated priesthood. The Zoroastrian priests wished to be rid of him but recognizing his spiritual authority were not prepared to kill him, so instead banished him outside the city gates at night in the belief that wild animals would put an end to his life. Issa had divine protection and survived the night, the next day he began his return journey to Palestine; he was twenty nine.

At twenty-nine Issa returns to his own country and begins to preach. He visits Jerusalem, where Pilate is apprehensive about him. The Jewish leaders, however, are also apprehensive about his teachings yet he continues his work for three years. He is finally arrested and put to death for blasphemy, for claiming to be the son of God. His followers are persecuted, but his disciples carry his message out over the world.

His followers and disciples spread his message and The Bible continues to speak the message of Jesus.  The message of course was yoga and non-duality.

But, first, how does Issa become Jesus?  Due to the complexity of multiple languages and alphabets, letters are swapped around and replaced.  For example:

Y and J (ex:  Yahoda/Jehoda); S and SH (ex: Ismail/Ishmail); B and V (ex: Elisheva/Elsheba); J and H (ex: Jesus/Hasus)

This is how Jesus got his name:

The ancient name: Issa, pronounced as Esaa;

Issa> I becomes Y; S becomes SH,

so we got:

 Issa> YeSha>Yeshua

Now people of Hebrew language changed Y with J; and Sh became S again.

So it became Jesa and then Jesas and then Jesus.

But le’s get back to Yoga and how Jesus in the Bible teaches us to practice Yoga.

 For starters, from the book of Luke Chapter 10, verse 25 “On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"  26 "What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?" 27 He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' and 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "  28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

From the book Dueteronomy Chapter 6 verse 5 “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”

And from the book of Mark chapter 12 verse 28, “One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, "What commandment is the foremost of all?" 29 "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Let’s break that down into yogic principles and see how they relate.

Love God with all your heart:  Sounds like Bhakti Yoga: 

Swami Vivekananda:  Bhakti-Yoga is a real, genuine search after the Lord, a search beginning, continuing, and ending in love. One single moment of the madness of extreme love of God brings us eternal freedom.

"Bhakti", says Narada in his explanation of the Bhakti-aphorisms, "is intense love of God"; "When a man gets it, he loves all, hates none; he becomes satisfied for ever." "This love cannot be reduced to any earthly benefit",  because so long as worldly desires last that kind of love does not come; "Bhakti is greater than Karma, greater than Yoga, because these are intended for an object in view, while Bhakti is its own fruition, its own means and its own end." 

With all your mind:  We can do that with Raja Yoga; intense, constant meditation, one pointedness. The Bhagavad Gita stresses the importance of meditation as follows "Make a habit of practicing meditation and do not let your mind be distracted. In this way you will come finally to the Lord who is the light-giver, the highest of the high."  Raja Yoga aims at controlling all thought-waves or mental modifications. While a Hatha Yogi starts his Sadhana with Asanas (postures) and Pranayama, a Raja Yogi starts his Sadhana with the mind, although a certain minimum of asanas and pranayamas are usually included as a preparation for the meditation and concentration.

All your strength:  We do this with Hatha Yoga and Karma Yoga

The mastery of life energy that enables one to love God with all their strength begins with posture or asana.  In the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali describes asana as the third of the eight limbs of classical, or Raja Yoga. Asanas are the physical movements of yoga practice and, in combination with pranayama or breathing techniques constitute the style of yoga referred to as Hatha Yoga. The word Hatha comes from combining the two Sanskrit terms "ha" meaning sun and "tha" meaning moon. The word "ha" refers to the solar nadi (pingala) in the subtle body and "tha" the lunar channel (ida). However, when the two components of the word are placed together, "hatha" means "forceful", implying that powerful work must be done to purify the body. Yoga means to yoke, or to join 2 things together, hence hatha yoga is meant to join together our sun (masculine, active) energy with our moon (feminine, receptive) energy, thus producing balance and greater power in an individual.

In the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali describes asana as a "firm, comfortable posture", referring specifically to the seated posture, most basic of all the asanas. He further suggests that meditation is the path to samadhi; transpersonal self-realization. In the Yoga sutras, Patanjali suggests that asana is "to be seated in a position that is firm, but relaxed".

Karma yoga  (also known as Buddhi Yoga) or the "discipline of action" is based on the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, a sacred Sanskrit scripture of Hinduism. One of the four pillars of yoga, Karma yoga focuses on the adherence to duty (dharma) while remaining detached from the reward. It states that one can attain Moksha (salvation) or love of God (bhakti) by performing their duties in an unselfish manner for the pleasure of the Supreme, which is the welfare of the world. Karma Yoga is an intrinsic part of many derivative types of yoga, such as Natya Yoga.

As far as a sitting posture goes, it may serve us well to follow Mark, Chapter 1 Verse 3 “Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his path straight.”

With all your soul:  Aristotle defined the soul as the core essence of a being, but argued against its having a separate existence. For instance, he said, if a knife had a soul, the act of cutting would be that soul, because 'cutting' is the essence of what it is to be a knife.  However, this way of thinking doesn’t go well with the thought of an immortal soul since once the knife is destroyed, so is the act of cutting.

I prefer to think of the book of Genesis, Chapter 2 Verse 7 “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”   Sounds like Prana is the soul.

Prana was first expounded in the Upanishads, where it is part of the worldly, physical realm, sustaining the body and the mother of thought and thus also of the mind. Prana suffuses all living form but is not itself the Atman or individual soul.

In the book, The Science of Breath by Yogi Ramacharaka:

To breathe is to live and without breath, there is no life.

The infant draws in a long, deep breath, retains it for a moment to extract from it its life-giving properties, and then exhales it in a long wail and lo its life upon earth has begun.  The old man gives a faint gasp, ceases to breath, and life is over.  From the first faint breath of the infant to the last gasp of the dying man, it is one long story of continued breathing.  Life is but a series of breaths.

Just for some extra stuff to throw in here.  The four levels of consciousness are described beautifully in the book of Genesis when the river of life is split into four rivers in the Garden of Eden: Pishon, Gihon, Tigris, Euphrates.  Our rivers of life are gross, subtle, causal, and tourea; waking, dreaming, sleeping, and beyond; conscious, subconscious, unconscious, and the fourth.

In the book of Revelation, Chapter 5 verse 4 “I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside.” 5 “Then one of the elders said to me, ‘Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals.’”

The following seven primary seals are commonly described as:

1.                   Muladhara  Base or Root Chakra (lower part of the body)

2.                   Swadhisthana Sacral Chakra (reproductive area)

3.                   Manipura Solar Plexus Chakra (navel area)

4.                   Anahata Heart Chakra (heart area)

5.                   Vishuddha Throat Chakra (throat and neck area)

6.                   Ajna Brow or Third Eye Chakra (eyebrow/forehead area)

7.                   Sahasrara Crown Chakra (crown of head/ area above the head)

Karma is also discussed regularly in the Bible.  For example:

Matthew 7:2 (King James Version)  2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

Matthew 7:2 (Amplified Bible) 2 For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you.

Luke 6:38  Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure--pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return."

Proverbs 14:32 The wicked is thrust down by his wrongdoing, But the righteous has a refuge when he dies.

In closing, I think it’s easy to see that not only are there non-dualistic teachings in the Bible, there are also very strong yogic principles.  All I had time to talk about today was one commandment.  My research opened a door to a room full of fascinating ideas that I hope to explore further and possibly share with you in another talk.  The eight beatitudes from a yogic perspective are fascinating.  Thank you for letting me share this with you today.

Namaste

How can someone be more spiritual?  I used this question as the opener for I talk I gave recently at the Center For Non-Dualism.
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Okay, if I have a light on the end table in my living room and I want to make it brighter, what can I do?  The bulb has to stay the same size and the input power is fixed.  I can take off the shade.  If I want to make it dimmer, same bulb same power, what can I do?  Put on a darker shade.

If I take this idea and apply it to me or you, what can you do to make your spiritual center brighter?  Take off the shade?  What is the shade that we have on our light?  How can doing something get rid of what is covering the light?

You see, we don’t have to DO anything—we have to stop doing.

What is spiritual?  What is getting closer to God?  How do we describe God?

In Brhadaranyaka Upanishad, Yajnavalkya is questioned by his students to describe God. He states

"The Divine is not this and it is not that" (neti, neti).

Thus, the Divine is not real as we are real, nor is it unreal. The divine is not living in the sense humans live, nor is it dead. The Divine is not compassionate as we use the term, nor is it uncompassionate. And so on. We can never truly define God in words. All we can say, in effect, is that "It isn't this, but also, it isn't that either". In the end, we must transcend words to understand the nature of the Divine.

In this sense, neti-neti is not a denial. Rather, it is an assertion that whatever the Divine may be, when we attempt to capture it in human words, we must inevitably fall short, because we are limited in understanding, and words are limited in ability to express the transcendent. The original texts shed light on the practice of neti neti as a tool to Self-realization aka Brahman.

Back to the list.

This list describes how we must do something to get somewhere because right now we’re somewhere where the ultimate reality, Brahman, God, Atman isn’t.

To follow this list, we are trying to achieve the unachievable.

How can you achieve something that is unachievable?  To say you have to get somewhere or obtain something implies that you are in some place other than where God/Ultimate Reality/Atman is or have something that is not a part of God/Ultimate Reality/Atman.

In  Apophatic theology, the description of God is based on what He is not.

In this negative theology, it is accepted that the Divine is ineffable, an abstract experience that can only be recognized - that is, human beings cannot describe the essence of God, and therefore all descriptions if attempted will be ultimately false and conceptualization should be avoided; in effect, it eludes definition by definition:

•                     Neither existence nor nonexistence as we understand it applies to God, i.e., God is beyond existing or not existing. (One cannot say that God exists in the usual sense of the term; nor can we say that God is nonexistent.)

•                     God is divinely simple. (One should not claim that God is one, or three, or any type of being. All that can be said is, whatever God is, divinity is not multiple independent beings.)

•                     God is not ignorant. (One should not say that God is wise since that word arrogantly implies we know what "wisdom" means on a divine scale, whereas we only know what wisdom means to man.)

•                     Likewise, God is not evil. (To say that God can be described by the word 'good' limits God to what good means to human beings.)

•                     God is not a creation (but beyond this we do not know how God exists).

•                     God is not conceptually definable in terms of space and location.

•                     God is not conceptually confinable to assumptions based on time.

Even though the via negativa essentially rejects theological understanding as a path to God, some have sought to make it into an intellectual exercise, by describing God only in terms of what God is not. One problem noted with this approach, is that there seems to be no fixed basis on deciding what God is not.

Back to the list:

Why do we think we need to learn about these things?

ACIM Chapter 1:  “…No learning is acquired by anyone unless he wants to learn it and believes in some way that he needs it. While lack does not exist in the creation of God, it is very apparent in what you have made. It is, in fact, the essential difference between them. Lack implies that you would be better off in a state somehow different from the one you are in. Until the “separation,” which is the meaning of the “fall,” nothing was lacking. There were no needs at all. Needs arise only when you deprive yourself. You act according to the particular order of needs you establish. This, in turn, depends on your perception of what you are.

2 A sense of separation from God is the only lack you really need correct. This sense of separation would never have arisen if you had not distorted your perception of truth, and had thus perceived yourself as lacking. The idea of order of needs arose because, having made this fundamental error, you had already fragmented yourself into levels with different needs. As you integrate you become one, and your needs become one accordingly. Unified needs lead to unified action, because this produces a lack of conflict.”

ACIM Chapter 1

"A sense of separation from God is the only lack you really need correct" (T-1.VI.2:1).

We are not who we think we are, we are the thinker.  Our bodies are like a room in a house.  We have the room, we know it’s there, but we don’t have to occupy it all the time.  That’s the way it is with this, my, or your version of reality.  We not only live in this reality, we create this reality.  We create it because what we see is a direct reflection of who we think we are.  How we react to this world is also based on who we think we are.

And this world isn’t real—if it was real, it wouldn’t change from person to person.  It would stay the same. 

We all know people who think the world is horrible and dark and brutal and we all know people who think the world is full of love and promise and joy.  How can they both be living in the same world?

If I walk through Pubix and run my cart into someone, the world he is creating determines how he will respond.  If he just found out that the girl of his dreams agreed to marry him, there is no problem and he will probably smile and say excuse me.  If he just found out he lost his job and his girlfriend is cheating on him, he will probably slam his cart back and say something not nice.

Same act.  Same store.  Different worlds.  The angry gentleman has a lot of shades on his light bulb and can’t see the world for what it is.  The happy, joyful man has few shades.  How do I know this?  Because joy and happiness are internal and the internal light can’t shine through a dark shade.  Since the light doesn’t shine through as brightly, there is less to reflect off of our creation and we see a dark world.

St Francis of Assisi said to wear the world like a loose garment, touching in a few places and there only lightly.  Since the world is a reflection of us, then to wrap ourselves up to tightly makes it harder for us to change it.  And to change it, we have to change ourselves.  We have to have our light shining brighter and we can only make it brighter by removing or not doing the shading or veiling of our true essence.

How do we stop doing something?  How do we change our minds?  The big question, how long does it take?  How fast is the speed of thought?

Samsara, in Buddhism, explains that we are in a constant cycle of birth, change, death, rebirth.  To reach enlightenment, we have to stop the cycle.  Step out of it. And it can happen at any time.

In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the top level above self-actualization is transcendence.  He says you can get to the top level anytime you want to by having something happen that makes you stop struggling up the pyramid.  He calls these peak experiences.  An experience that for some reason or a group of reasons turns off all the perceived needs we have for the world.  Places where we stop reaching out to the world for our happiness and look within.

The ancient song I talked about last month is playing in all of us.  It doesn’t get louder for some people than others; the sounds of the world get quieter.  Have you noticed that when the house is very quiet, late at night, you can hear the ticking of a clock that you don’t hear during the day?

What is the difference?  The world has stopped impinging on us?

Lots of folks have these moments when the world seems to slow down for a moment.  I call it my “Pulling in the oars” moment.  I imagine canoeing by myself on a river and suddenly the river opens up, the bank slips away.  The river is wide, smooth like glass.  The sun is warm on my back.  The air is deathly still.  It’s absolutely quiet but for the slight ripple against the side of the canoe.  I pull my oars in and enjoy.  I melt into the experience.  I stop doing and just am.

Psalm 46 Verse 10: Be still, and know that I am God

Plotinus

"Our thought cannot grasp the One as long as any other image remains active in the soul…To this end, you must set free your soul from all outward things and turn wholly within yourself, with no more leaning to what lies outside, and lay your mind bare of ideal forms, as before of the objects of sense, and forget even yourself, and so come within sight of that One."

These experiences can also happen in times of extreme distress.  The stress of losing all we have worked for in our worldly pursuits.  All we thought we needed for our happiness.  In 2001, I was in intensive care at the Eglin AFB Hospital and realized that none of my stuff was there with me.  There are no U-Haul trailer hitches on hearses.  When we’re done, we’re done.

During that visit and over the months that followed, there were moments when I realized that I had been on the wrong track for most of my life.  I came to that understanding with no regrets, no remorse, no sense of wasted time.  I took my years of misguided searching as confirmation of the fact that I had no clue how to get where I wanted to go AND I had no clue what it was that I was trying to achieve.

Have you ever searched high and low for your car keys and not found them till you stopped and opened your hand and found them there?  I stopped and opened my mind and so found my answer.

Paul was scratching his head one day in Athens when in ACTS [23] he wrote, “For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD.”  Of course, he was coming from a dualistic frame of mind and was using this as a way to introduce them to his God who he felt he did know.

I realized that I had been working too hard on trying to understand the unknown, doing instead of cleaning out stuff and not doing.  As soon as that truth settled in, the world took on a different tint, a lamp shade or two was pulled of my bulb and the world turned brighter.

Bob Adamson  Living Reality.

James:  I was thinking about something Nisargadatta said: "Either you live in a world of desire and fear, or you live in freedom." I still live with desires and fears. They're not nearly as intense as they used to be, but they're essentially still here. And I wonder how much this understanding deepens.

Bob:  Well, it can't actually deepen. You're already that pure intelligence energy, which you've always been. But, different insights come up through the mind. You might call it clear understanding or better understanding. The essence is still the same. It's always been "one without a second;" it can't be added to and nothing can take away from it. It's already That.

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This, then, gives us a list of things to do in this imaginary world to achieve something we don’t understand and can’t describe but when we get to wherever it is that is not where we think are now and get closer to what we already have inside of us, then I guess we will have a spiritual experience.

Stephen Wolinsky:  Spiritual Experiences?

Spiritual experiences have two problems:

·         One, that they are I dependent

·         Two, that they make you feel as though you are having them.

So all spiritual experiences are just that, experiences. And as experiences they need to be discarded as “not this, not that” because they are an abstract representation of nothing. 

You know, we can’t even say God or Brahman, or the ultimate reality is pure thought.  To have thought implies there is a thinker of the thought.

Personally, I think this is the basis for dualistic doctrines.  We, as humans, like to have things our mind can wrap around.

This is where Cataphatic Theology comes in to being which is the standard Western theology of affirmation.  To speak of God or the divine kataphatically is by its nature a form of limiting to God or divine.  Cataphatic theology has the weakness of the fact that we can't really understand God. Even to say "God is love" could be misleading because God is not only love, and what God means by love could be different than what we mean by it.  This was one of the core tenets of the works of St Dionysus the Aeropagite. By defining what God or the divine is we limit the unlimited as Saint Dionysus outlined in his works. Since a cataphatic way to express God would be that God is love. The apophatic way would be to express that God is not hate.

The Apophatic way states that God is beyond all duality because God contains within itself all things and that God is beyond all things.  Saint Dionysus tried to remove any conceptual understanding of God that became all encompassing.

A special note on non-duality in the Bible, Mathew 28 [19]  “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost”  Notice that it says "in the Name - singular"???

In Buddhism, the first five precepts:

I undertake to observe the precept to abstain from ...

•         ...harming living beings.

•         ...taking things not freely given.

•         ...sexual misconduct.

•         ...false speech.

•         ...intoxicating drinks and drugs causing heedlessness.

The Yoga Sutras:

2.30 Non-injury or non-harming (ahimsa), truthfulness (satya), abstention from stealing (asteya), walking in awareness of the highest reality (brahmacharya), and non-possessiveness or non-grasping with the senses (aparigraha) are the five yamas, or codes of self-regulation or restraint, and are the first of the eight steps of Yoga.
(ahimsa satya asteya brahmacharya aparigraha yama)

All of this not this and not that is hard for our minds to wrap around because there is nothing there to wrap around.  How do we come to grips with being a changeless background upon which we see the world changing, the timeless point upon which events pass by in an endless stream of events?

We don’t feel the earth hurtling though space because we are also moving.  But, we see change because we are changeless; we sense the passage of time because we are timeless.  We notice limits because we are limitless

How do we become more spiritual that we are?  Turn down the volume and importance of the world, pull in your oars, be still and be surprised by the sound of your true nature.  You are that.

Om

 

I find myself face to face with a quandary. How do I accept that the ultimate power over everything that was, is, and forever will be is within me, that I am a part of that which is without understanding, and at the same time sit around the tables of a twelve step meeting and proclaim that I am completely powerless?

 

I am told that my sobriety rests on my firm belief and proclamation that I am powerless.  The voice within, the ancient song, tells me otherwise.   How do I live both?

 

One of the steps tells me I must continue to improve my spiritual condition—not maintain but improve.  In doing so, I discovered and came to believe in the ultimate power that I hold within myself.  I know that I am a part of a power beyond what my meager mind can wrap around within any clarity.  Now I find myself living in both worlds: powerful and powerless.

 

The question is, how do I come to grips with living in both worlds? I am currently doing some deep meditation and contemplation on this question.

When doing things for other people, there are two rules to follow if you ever expect to be happy:

 

RULE ONE: Don’t keep score. Imagine doing the task as if it is the very first time you’ve ever done it for the person and you will never have to do it again. This way, no lingering resentments will develop-- guaranteed happiness killers. Plus, no expectations will develop--guaranteed happiness killer. A friend of mine once complained that he had to wash out his wife’s coffee cup every morning. He complained that she would walk to the sink and put it in there and just walk away. He would come behind and rinse it out and he was tired of it. I asked him what he would do if the guy next door offered to come over every morning and take care of his wife’s coffee cup for him. He said something that included bodily harm. I asked him how he would feel if this was the first morning he had every woken up with this woman and this was the first time he had ever rinsed out her cup. He quickly could see where the conversation was going and quit complaining. Alcoholics Anonymous speaks loudly of recovery one day at a time. I believe we should live all of life one day at a time. We should do things for others one day at a time. If all we have is today, then there is no tomorrow for us to look forward to being “repaid” for our kindness.

 

“It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis.” Margaret Bonnano

 

Today is really all we have. Being in the moment and squeezing every bit of pleasure out of it is our birthright.

 

“If you are not happy here and now, you never will be.” Taisen Deshimaru

 

By living one day at a time, we end up doing things for other people because it’s the right thing to do and it comes wrapped up in unconditional love.

 

“I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. Albert Schweitzer

 

Another benefit of doing something for someone else in this way is that you are suddenly wrapped up in their happiness. Imagine what life would be like if everyone was more worried about the other person’s joy than theirs.

 

“If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.” Bertrand Russel

 

Another, and the hardest part of not keeping score, is that you have nothing to brag about to your friends, coworkers, supervisors, subordinates, strangers. No “See how great I am” conversations. It’s all about motive. If there is any reason at all for doing something for someone else other than the mere fact of their happiness and pleasure, then don’t do it and expect to be happy. You won’t be. Remember:

 

“Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy.” Gretta Brooker Palmer

 

Helping others is a learned habit. Sometimes, it doesn’t require any heavy lifting it only being willing to be there to listen and share. I believe that being unselfish is an act, a deed, something that occurs and passes away. Selflessness is a process. Concentrate on the “less” in selfless. Each selfless act leads to more selflessness and more selflessness to where ultimately, we are self-gone. Only then are we at the highest level of service to humanity.

 

“I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” Albert Schweitzer

 

When a friend is in trouble or having a troubled day, we have a tremendous opportunity in front of us. We can walk away or we can help. Again, it is our decision. What is the most important thing at the moment for us? We decide.

 

“When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.” Edgar Watson Howe

 

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

 

“The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?” Henry David Thoreau

 

I think the truest test of doing something for someone out of love is that time when you want them to be happy even when their happiness means that you aren't a part of it. When you are helping a friend, a wonderful thing happens. A true friend may reach for someone’s hand but he actually touches his heart.

 

Reach for someone’s hand today. Do something. Touch his heart.

 

RULE TWO: Follow rule one.

 

Allow me to present the following hypothetical situation:

 

I’m driving my car and all of a sudden I look around and realize to my horror that I’m completely lost, nothing looks familiar, and I don’t know how to find my way. I have three people willing to offer assistance.

 

Ø  The first wants to know the turns I took as I left my home this morning because they laid the groundwork for each subsequent decision I made as I took my journey to get me to where I am.

 

Ø  The second reminds me that how I got to where I am is the result of many turns, and my behavior each in and of itself is a unique part of a bigger puzzle. And not only that, but I am right where I am supposed to be.

 

Ø  The third asks me my destination and together we work out the best route.

 

I, of course, start with the third person. The other two, in this moment in the crisis, are not very important and mildly irritating.  In my counseling practice, I try to incorporate the techniques and possibly be each of the three, playing each role as the need fits and the opportunity presents itself. Once the presenting problem is being solved, it’s then time to look at the whole life picture.

 

Initially, the focus is on the now.  The “What is happening this moment?” or “What is the biggest single issue at this time?” and work from there to find out how they wish the circumstance was or could be.  But, allowing the client to embark on all the possible outcomes, usually bad, of a situation is counterproductive at this time.  The future hasn’t arrived yet so the horrible thing(s) that could happen do nothing but cloud the water.  I believe in staying in the moment and finding a solution, in the moment, is the best course of action. 

 

Looking at all the possible outcomes of a situation is, I believe, staying in the problem not staying in the solution.  All we have control over is ourselves and the way we react to a problem.  I remind clients of this, sometimes repeatedly.  Once we have properly defined the problem, then we develop and evaluate possible desired solutions, discarding some, keeping others.  Then, after reviewing the possibilities, the best is selected and acted upon.

 

Following the guidance of Abraham Maslow, Rollo May, Carl Rogers, Martin Seligman, et al., I’ook at the whole person, holistically, and how we ended up with the problem in the first place.  The first two ways of psychology, analytical and behavioral have their place but I believe shouldn’t be the initial focus.  “Psychology has, since World War II, become a science largely about healing. It concentrates on repairing damage within a disease model of human functioning. This almost exclusive attention to pathology neglects the fulfilled individual and the thriving community.”(Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2000). The third way, neither strictly analytical nor behavioral, is looking at the person in a way that changes the focus of the counseling from repairing the worst things in their life to building on their positive qualities.

 

Even though we focus initially on solving the problem presenting itself, I do believe there is much to be gained by reviewing most if not all of the past wrong turns. Once we have our heads above water, revisiting the past is effective in preventing repetition, so, in this regard, the psychoanalytical styling of Freud et al. would prove to be a help in understanding our journey. It will help to know how we got to where we are if, for nothing else, to prove that we aren’t totally crazy and worthless, we have some bad habits left over from childhood and we just made a few wrong turns.

 

An elderly gentleman told me one day that at the ripe old age of seventy, he looked down at his dinner plate and instead of turning up his nose at the broccoli on his plate, suddenly realized he was listening to a four year old child telling him he didn’t like broccoli. How often during our day and our interactions with fellow travelers do we act and react because of a child telling us to do it this way or that way?  The only way to find these glitches in our day to day activities is to look openly and deeply into our past.  Even so, it is important to remember that my client must be willing to look into the past.

 

How many times do we need to take a wrong turn before we decide to look at ourselves?  As many times as necessary. I think that, eventually, untreated self-destructive behaviors beat us down until we “hit our bottom”, as it is known in 12 Step Programs, and ask for help or we’ll die trying to fix it ourselves. I’ve heard it said that with alcoholics, the alcoholic has three options: get sobered up, get locked up, or get covered up.

 

How far down the person has to go before he hits his bottom is unique to the individual.  For some, the bottom is higher than others. It all depends on how much the person is willing to lose before the losses really get his attention. As a counselor, I will hopefully have developed a solid relationship with my client by this time and can help them see the possible outcome of continuing in their merry way on their chosen path.

 

Usually, significant self-destructive behavior manifests other issues in someone’s life that might have caused them to initially seek counseling so they are in my office anyway.  We should have developed a level of trust in each other by this point and maybe, when they are on their final plunge, heading toward “bitter, incomprehensible, demoralization” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1976), I can be there to soften the impact and help them rapidly start rebuilding.

 

Like I mentioned, my history of trust and rapport with them should be developed enough that I can be completely trusted at this, their most vulnerable state. I have been privileged to be with people at this, their weakest and most open state of mind.  These are moments that, for me as a counselor, are deeply moving and touching. At these moments I am reminded just how frail human emotional well being can be and just how important empathy and presence truly is.

 

This is a time that calls for nurturing. As a counselor, I attempt to gently help them look into their past and their reasons for their actions and behaviors. I try to help them see the part they played in each of the major events or turning points in their lives. I can maybe, in these dark times, start to shine a light on the possibility of a brighter future.

 

We, the client and I, learn that each of the turns in and of itself was significant and led them to where they are today. I believe my view of psychology and counseling looks to the bigger picture of life than just the problem at hand. I work on helping the client solve the problem presenting itself and also work on building their confidence in their problem solving abilities by teaching problem solving skills.

 

Other problems will be presented--life is like that. Each day will bring new opportunities to explore our limits. With a toolkit built with confidence, hope, and faith, they should be ready to build their own solutions.  I know I can’t solve all their problems for them any more than eating their lunch will satisfy their hunger.

 

I think we, the client and I, can look to their past to build an understanding of who they are and, of great importance, look for where they are strong not only where they are weak. When a company does an inventory, it counts the good products as well as the ones needed to be discarded. I really like Maslow’s laundry list description of items to include from a humanistic psychology point of view:

 

“Humanistic psychology . . . is concerned with topics having little place in existing theories and systems; e.g., love, creativity, self, growth, organism, basic need gratification, self actualization, higher values, being, becoming, spontaneity, play, humor, affection, naturalness, warmth, ego transcendence, objectivity, autonomy, responsibility, meaning, fair play, transcendental experience, peak experience, courage, and related concepts.”  (Maslow A. H., 1962)

 

These are growth terms and health terms.  They shift the focus of therapy from the malady to the development of the whole person.

 

When I look in the mirror today, I see the result of lots of yesterdays. We are looking into the past. We don’t see the future. Who will we be tomorrow?  We can’t tell by looking at the face in the mirror. Actually, whatever we think about today is creating who we will be tomorrow. What we think about we bring about because energy flows to where attention goes.  If we put our attention on the positive areas of our life and feel genuine gratitude and joy with those positive areas, more positive will manifest in our life.

 

I will try to stress this concept to my clients in a way that they can grasp the implications it has on building the life they want. One of Carl Rogers’ nineteen propositions reminds us that the concept we hold of who we are guides our behaviors and we normally won’t do anything inconsistent with that concept. (Rogers, Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory, 1951)

 

Our life is a physical manifestation of our thoughts. Christianity, for example, teaches to seek and we shall find. I think that means that if we wake up expecting a lousy day (what we seek), we will have a lousy day (we find). On the contrary, if we wake up each day firm in our commitment to having a positive outlook and experiencing personal growth, we will find what we’re looking for.  To put it another way, our mind creates a set of ideas about the world around us, the part we play in the world and about us in general.  We then review and decide whether we should believe this set of ideas.  Usually we do (because we have done so for so long) and then we go forth into the world to find the data to prove we’re right.  What about those times when, for some crazy reason, we decide to step out of the habit box and resolve that maybe the same old way of thinking isn’t the best way of thinking?  Those are the times when ideas can be planted and when growth and development can begin.

 

If we keep doing what we’re doing, we’ll keep getting what we’ve been getting.  I’ve heard true insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  People have to have the awareness or understanding intellectually that they don’t have to keep making the same choices over and over again.  At this point in their lives, they begin to realize that they are indeed at least co-creators of their life and are manifesting their own universe.

 

I believe the client/therapist relationship should foster this growth and development.  Rogers (1961) said, “In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person?  Now I would phrase the question this way:  How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?”  As a counselor, I will attempt to use my role in my client’s world as teacher, guide, confidant, sounding board and even student to help him establish the goals for his life and the route he plans to take.

 

As far as the heredity versus environment (I call genes vs. jeans) debate goes, I think it’s neither. I think our behavior stems from our feelings towards ourselves, our genetic makeup, and the environment and those feelings then reflect positively or negatively on our heredity or genetic makeup and how we will interact with the world around us. For example, if my significant other asks me how a certain part of her anatomy looks, I don’t foolishly get into a discussion about whether it’s her genes or her jeans.  I tell her she looks great no matter how that particular brand of jeans looks on the part of her body she inherited through her genes.  She feels better about herself, her confidence in herself is supported and life goes on.  If we feel good about ourselves and our future, we react to the same stimuli differently than if we felt glum about what is in store for us. If I bump into the shopping cart of someone who just found out the woman of his dreams is in love with him he will react completely differently than if he was just served with a petition for divorce.

 

Feeling good about our future starts by feeling good about ourselves today. Curing depression does not prevent suicide, giving a reason to live does. I believe it was Rollo May who said, “Depression is the inability to construct a future.”  Exploring the vastness of our own inner space, our own thoughts, dreams, and expectations to get comfortable with ourselves as a being on a journey will do wonders to build a positive framework for our future.

 

I believe the deeper the exploration the better.  Once we get the courage to pull back a few of the veils of perception covering our view of the world and our part in the world, we start finding the answers to our inner questions. These epiphanies of insight bring incredible release and joy.  Borrowing a parable from the Bible, the house built on the rock versus the one built on the sand, I like to look at it as how we can help our client build a strong future life for themselves.  If they just lightly dig into their psyche, they are building their home, their future, like the house on the sand.  Deep exploration, to the bedrock of their being, allows them to build the house, their future, on the solid bedrock of self awareness.  The storms life brings their way will be withstood by the solid bedrock of self awareness and confidence in their abilities.

 

At some point, the four great questions in life can begin stimulating further growth:

 

• Who are we? 
• Where do we come from?
• What should we do?
• Where are we going?

 

These are exciting questions and could take a lot of courage to answer properly. I believe that our life will be what we create it as. In other words, what you think about, you bring about.  To bring about the correct way of thinking and the right frame of mind, I believe incorporating mirror exercises for homework is very useful.  I would have them look at themselves in the eyes and repeat certain phrases out loud to get them in the habit of entertaining those thoughts. I’ve found that the longer pleasant thoughts are held, the easier it is to have them.  The easier it is to have pleasant thoughts, the more often they show up.  The more often they show up, the more life takes on a pleasant cast.

 

This way of thinking is best started with the first step in the morning.  I think our first thoughts have a major impact on how our day is going to be.  Having a thought based on how we expect our life to be today, not how it was yesterday, will begin the rebuilding process.  Putting little signs or notes on the walls of the bathroom, especially on the mirror, is a helpful reminder of how to start our day.  These things could be put into the client’s homework assignment. During sessions we could discuss the thoughts he had during waking up, how the signs affected him in the morning, and what to focus on till the next session.

 

Fighting what Maslow (1971) calls the “Jonah Complex” will be an issue is helping someone grow to be his best.  Like he says, “…we fear our best as well as our worst...we run away from the responsibilities dictated by nature, by fate, even sometimes by accident just as Jonah tried—in vain—to run away from his fate.” (Maslow A. H., 1971)  I believe we can become intimidated my just how great we could be and decide, consciously or unconsciously, to stay with the status quo. 

 

In summary, I believe as a counselor, I try to guide the client in ways he can solve his own problems.  He is, after all, the expert in his life.  I have found that during discussions, solutions are presented repeatedly by clients.  Calling it the “guru within” or the “knower knows” points to the fact that the client knows best what is going on and has an inner drive for peace and happiness.  Once that inner voice is heard, the solutions are evident.  It is up to me to be there, totally present, to catch the answer and present it back to the client.  I think putting my solutions in place will work for only my problems not someone else’s.  Should he want some tips and tricks for building a happier more fulfilled life, I can make suggestions, suggest available resources, and try to guide him.  It is all up to him, it’s his life and his universe.

 

It would be nice if we all lived in a Eupsychian society or at least had that as a goal, but, for now, we do the best we can with what we have, and aim for an even better tomorrow.

 

 

 

Bibliography

Alcoholics Anonymous. (1976). Alcoholics Anonymous. New York: AA World Services, Inc.

Maslow, A. H. (1971). The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. New York: Viking Press.

Maslow, A. H. (1962). Toward a Psychology of Being. Princeton, N. J.: D. Van Nostrand Company, Inc.

Rogers, C. (1951). Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory. London: Constable.

Rogers, C. (1961). On Becoming a Person. New York: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Seligman, M., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive Psychology : An Introduction. American Psychologist , Vol.55 (1) pp. 5-14.