Please do share your answer if you happen to read this question.  My pathetic moment in life (not real life) but this internet life is fighting or argueing w/ whole bunch of grumpy people.  I keep asking myself why????  Let me tell you how pathetic this is....one tells the others "DO NOT FEED THE TROLL" but there is a whole bunch of trolls in there.  The jeolous one is the most pathetic ONE who posted all the controlversial questions and if you answer those questions, they call you as a "troll".  Another pathetic one is they visit my home page and wrote "pathetic" on my journal.  If it is a pathetic journal, you would think they will leave you alone??? OH no....they actually commented it.....How PATHETIC is this? Please enjoy your life and God will bless YOU.....

Love and Peace

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The Mood bugged the heck out of me.  How do I delete my mood? As I like to swing it, then it weeped me right behind.  The Weep like the Mood, so my behind really get spanking.  The Mood really triggerred my sick mind and it just want to rebell.  I'm afraid to go to the dark side because that is the place I can really Weep the Mood. 

So why people are so sensitive in this non existing world which calls the web.  Just reading non-sense and that made them feel unsafe??? how do they survive in the real world?  They must be fragiled and volatile to flame in their own life that why they hide away from their realities.

I love bugs, the more you don't like them, the more you should show up infront of their faces.  They will be sick and tired of bugs' faces eventually....I hope

The heartache works like a muscle memories.  The feeling of that pain keeps comming back even though the aching is not as much as it was like before but I still can feel IT.  Fortunately, as time went by, that memory of the pain is getting lighter even though I've tried hard to forget.  I usually can ignore or detour the painful memory easily, but tonight, it seems that dragged me down to that memory lane.  There were number of reasons for that memory relive in me lately.  One of the reason was because I went back to work.  Secondly, everyday driving by the place that we met for the first time reminded me of that painful past.  I wish I never met you, but then I would never know what the feeling of falling in love with a foreingner.  It is an awful painful memory of my life but that was the consequences that I had faced to fall in love with an outsider.

This is the question that I had read in the Glamour magazine after having dinner with my family.  I had wrote the answer to this question before and lost 2 hours for it and at the end it lost in the space. 

What am I proudest in life? I'm proud of who I am, how and where I am from.  My maternal Grandmother is an orphanage.  She doesn't know or remember her parents even their name or the city where she was borned.  My Grandmother is 85 yrs old now and lives in US under my aunt's care.  She told me that when she was 8 years old, her parents died and she lived with her older sister, but she got abused by her sister physically.  She said that they didn't have enough foods to eat, so my Grandmother left her sister to find foods at the bus station and she got lost.  She couldn't find her way home, had lived on the street and begged for foods at age of eight. She pointed at my son and said "I was about that height" so, I just assumed that she was about eight since she did not know her exact birthday was.  After a week wondering at the bus station, she met this couple, they asked about my Grandma and she said she didn't have a home to live.  This couple brought Grandma back to big city (Saigon) where they let her live and use her as their little maid.  Grandma said at that age, she knows how to clean and help the house chef cooking.  When my Grandma turned to 18, she met my grandfather who was a nurse and worked for the doctor of that family.  He got her pregnant in no time, and brought my Grandma back to his family. They got married but my Grandma had lived in hell with her parents in-law due to the pregnancy before marriage and her past history......My mother came from that pregnancy.

As the oldest daughter in 6 children, my mother did not even finnish Elementary school due to her family poverty.  They didn't have enough money for foods even my Grandparents worked really hard and 18hrs/day in the farm was not enough.  My mother finnished 5th grade and quitted school to become a tailor.  She didn't have money to pay for the tuition of the tailoring school, so she had to babysit the children of her tailor master during the day time, and learned how to sew and practiced at night time while the children were sleeping.  At the age of 16, my mother became a very popular tailor in the city.  She has her own shop and teach others.  Her name was spread thru out the city and her beauty had caught a lot of rich famillies.  My father came from a well known bussiness family.  My parternal Grandmother went to my mother shop and custom made her traditional dresses.  She loved my mother's talent and beauty, and asked a match maker to come over to my mother's family asking for permission for my father to be wed with my mother.  Of course my mother and father have no say in their marriage.  My maternal Grandparents checked out my father's family and had agreed to their wedding plans.  My father met my mother for the first time on their wedding night, and about a year after that there came...a little me.

I always remember their anniversary, only the year but not exact date.  They have been married for 37 yrs and I'm 36.  My mother is 20 years exactly older than I am. Is that strange, because I was married when I was about 20 too.  Well, all my life, my mother is a very sensitive person, specially knowing that she's not educated well.  I always be careful with what to say and how to say it to her.  One thing that I've learned from my mother that she is a very polite person, no one knows that she didn't have education.  She's a classy woman.  Her goal in life was to get all her children to be educated and that why my family is here in US.

I came to US when I was 13 yrs old.  I was in 8th grade and it was the first time that I learned English and of course other courses like any other kids in class.  Dictionary was my bible.  I didn't have play time at all like other kids.  After school, I got homework done then I helped my mother to sew clothes.  We used to work for a sweat shop.  My mother doesn't have time to learn English.  My father works as a Electrical Technician.  My father refused to ask help from US government.  A family of 5, we had lived in a one bedroom which my parents shared with other famillies.  After I finnished my high school, my parents shaved enough money to purchase their first home.  By that time, I got married and moved out.

I didn't know any English when I came in 8th grade.  I graduated high school with 3.8 GPA, and the first year of college I got married to an Engineer guy who also just graduated and got a job and owned a house as well.  My parents had asked my husband to support me through college at least a BS degree in order for him to marry me.  My husband had accepted the deal. I got my BS and master in Biochem 6 yrs later then got pregnant. I've been married for 16 years and finally happily retired from a scientist position after 10 yrs in pharmaceutical industry.

When I look back to my family history, I am proud of my maternal Grandmother who came from a child slave, orphanage and illiterated. I am also proud of my mother who sacrisfied her childhood and educations to help and support her parents and siblings.  She had raised 3 children successfully, one is a dentist, a pharmacist and a scientist.  My maternal Grandmother and my mother had inspired me to be better of myself.  I am proudest to have these two special women in my life.   

I just lost 2 hours of writing my journal....and submitted it...and it disappeared into the air......so frustrated!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!ERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I had a great time meeting 2 of my college friends over this weekend in Las Vegas.  Three of us are in our mid thirties.  We met and became friends in our early 20s which was the 3rd yr in college.  We hang out together at the student union to study and gossip. We stayed up all night to study for mid terms. We hang out at the Pub on Friday after school.  I'm the only one who was married at the time, the other two was single.  So, they had fun with boys and I just admired them.  After graduation, the other 2 got married and we all moved apart.  We hardly got connected in daily basic.  But every 5 yrs or so, we have a little reunion, just 3 of us and no familly.  I remember our college days, we got hit by a lot of guys at the restaurants or at the pub and bar.  We usually gave those guys our school registration phone #s b/c that the only phone we remember so well.  There was no cell phone back then and home phone was a NO NO.  So, the very first reunion that we had was 6 yrs ago in San Francisco which hosted by one of the girl who's oldes in 3 of us.  We had a lot of fun when we all hang out together.  We teased guys, talked about life in general and our relationships but never complained about our looks and health.  But just this weekend, this was our 2nd reunion which was hosted by me in Las Vegas.  We are now in our mid thirties, and oh boys, the youngest one just complained that her back was in pain, her legs are fat and her tummy had extra skin due to having kids...etc.  I on the other hand, avoid those tunes in my ears, but she keeps complain about her physical looks too much and I start to believe it!  I thought thanks god that we all still look the same like 11yrs ago but it proved to me that I was wrong! because we didn't get hit by guys any more.  Guys just stared at us! I wonder what they're thinking:).  We're all Asian women and married to our men.  But I think we all attract to caucasian men...but for some reason, we didn't have opportunity to know one.  We always teased among ourselfs when we see Asian chicks hands on w/ a wht man.  We asked each other, what did we do wrong??? Well, I didn't think much about what type of man that I attract to when I was young.  But I've heard a lot from the other 2 friends' interest.  We have concluded this trip that white man are good to look at and NOT for us.  We just comfort ourselves in that way! I guess:).  In any way, we are not racist! we are just too comfortable with our cultures and not tempt to explore in other cultures....we like to do things that we know best in a way....We have not slept since Friday nite and Sat. nite, untill we get home sunday.  I can't wait till the next reunion, by then we all will be in our early 40s.  Hopefully, by that time, we are just happy with the idea that we're alive and kicking.