Wow! A lot of mental transformation has been going on for me lately. I'm natively a traditionalist but I've been forced to see other points of view lately it seems. Not that I'm not open to that but it's like these new theories/ideas are beating me to a pulp. Like they won't leave me alone. And it's not just one person saying it is a variety of people that are unconventional in thought. Basically this thought is that American's are sort of brainwashed into thinking that they cannot change things. Like there is nearly no critical analysis of traditions and cultural ideas and ways of doing things. To stay in season Christmas. It's almost as if people are on crack during this time of year and nobody stops to think why are we doing this REALLY? Why are we spending so much money on things we don't need just to say that we have given to others. Isn't there a more sustainable, more thoughtful way of giving thanks and appreciation to those you love? I'm still not 100% convinced with this theory but I really do very seriously agree with people switching focus from the vain and material views to more whats going on internally sort of rehabilitating and questioning ourselves there, as well as using our creativity to better ourselves rather than destroy ourselves with material means. I feel pretty unsure about this new mindset and need to explore it more. At the same time I don't want to conform to a new idea that I don't have a natural inclination toward. I don't naturally want to explore the non-traditional ways of thinking because I've enjoyed them as a child but I do like new thought and want to individualise myself based on what my mind, heart and soul see on their own. I just feel resistance because I should have thought of this. I shouldn't have just accepted the way things are. Why is this just now coming to my attention? I don't understand how I can be so intuned with so many other things in life and be so oblivious to this. I just wish it was my original thought process and I know again my ego and pride come into play LOL!371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
Sometimes I feel like my life is at a standstill. Waiting, always waiting for the next great moment where I'll c be catapulted into another leg of my journey. I feel so motivated to go to school and get on with helping people but at the same time I feel like it is a distant dream and perhaps unattainable. I guess it is good to have two sides of yourself like that. One that is cynical and one that is more optimistic. Sometimes I feel like I'm going at nice pace and I am glad that things aren't moving too fast. Other times I want to be there instantly. I ask myself why are you not living now? Why are you waiting for anything. There is so much to explore in this time period you're at now. Don't waste it. Go help those less fortunate. Or even just give all of your love to your family and friends.