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Every now and then in my life I like to stop and ask myself "Why am I here?" Not in the big universal sense, but in the everyday, where am I spending my life sense. It is a good way to take stock of where I spend my time and energy and a call to examine my motivation. Recently I have asked myself a question I haven't asked in a while. Why am I following the Buddha? The more I study and read, the more I realize that I am peeling back the layers that separate me from the rest of the world. That somewhere, as I child, I lost that connection, that sense of interbeing. When I read The Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path for the first time, it was as though a hidden door had opened, and all the sunshine and stars of universe were suddenly in view. The deeper I go into the study of the Dharma, the greater the positive effect on my life. I have learned acceptance is the answer to loss, and attachment often brings more pain than joy. I've learned that worry and regret reduce living in the moment, the past is gone, the future is not here, this day is all I know I have for sure. I will never have it again. I've learned greed and ignorance are the great destroyers. I have learned that compassion brings me as much peace of mind as my recipients. Buddhism has helped me handle things that might otherwise have broken me completely. The big problems in my life, family dissolution, shifting relationships, financial stress, career changes, the loss of material comforts, changing environments, are all reduced through Buddhism. The little problems are small bumps in the road. But, just as importantly, I am lessening the never-ending sense of unease that previously consumed my life. I am able to enjoy the simple things and to venture into emotionally risky areas that have brought incredible happiness and growth. In the Sutta Nipata, an ancient collection of Buddhist writing, it says, "Overcome your uncertainties and free yourself from dwelling on sorrow. If you delight in existence, you will become a guide to those who need you, revealing the path to many." This is the reason I am a Buddhist. What more could I want from life? What could be more valuable than this? "To overcome uncertainties" would be the greatest freedom. To be able to live each day, never second-guessing, without doubt, strong and confident in the Dharma, would be the greatest peace I can imagine. How much time and energy would be freed by this mindset? The simplest way to do this is to put my faith in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. "To free myself from dwelling on sorrow"...note that it does not say to free myself from sorrow. Life includes suffering. That is the reality. The Four Noble Truths help us to recognize and understand the suffering encountered in life. The Buddha offers us The Eightfold Path as guideposts (not rules) to help us on our journey to a peaceful and happy life. "To delight in existence"... means to appreciate and experience the joy that is all around me. To feel gratitude and connectedness to everything is to live a meaningful life. What a wonderful word is "delight" - evoking lightness of being, finding the sparkle in everyday events, enjoying the beauty in nature, recognizing the preciousness of every individual, and absorbing the richness of sight, smell, taste, sound, and touch, without becoming dependant on or addicted to them. Can you imagine a life with the ability to delight in existence? "To become a guide to those who need me, revealing the path to many." This, of course, is the most difficult. Luckily, it does not say that I must reach enlightenment in order to do this, or that I must be an expert in the texts, or an expert on meditation, or a ritual master. The Diamond Sutra says, "Never think that I believe I should set out a 'system of teaching' to help people understand the way. Never cherish such a thought. What I proclaim is the truth as I have discovered it and 'a system of teaching' has no meaning because the truth can’t be cut up into pieces and arranged in a system." Therefore, whether I follow the practises of Zen, Tibetan, or Pure Land, I must always remember that these are only the fingers pointing to the moon, not the moon itself. How then am I to reveal the path to many? The rituals have their place. Practise is essential. The Sangha is the support system. But, Yen-t'ou said, "There is no other task but to know your own original face. This is called independence; the spirit is clear and free. If you say there is some particular doctrine or patriarchy, you’ll be totally cheated. Just look into your heart; there is a transcendental clarity. Just have no greed and no dependency and you will immediately attain certainty." This is a wonderful reminder that the language we speak, garments we wear, the shrines we adorn, whether we meditate on cushions, benches, or chairs, the simplicity or complexity of our organization, the humbleness or regal roots of our masters, our ethnicity, our age, our gender, are all irrelevant to the goal of reaching enlightenment. Lama Thubten Yeshe, in "Wisdom Energy" wrote Buddha’s teachings are so simple and straightforward. If you find them complicated, it is only because you have made them so. You may think, “I have a Ph.D. and have amassed all this knowledge, yet I still can’t figure out how to begin practicing Dharma.” The remedy is to take a good look at your own mind. Sometimes, I think high intelligence and education can be a block to achieving enlightenment. People study the Dharma as though it is a thesis, which they need to evaluate and dissect. They quote from the texts of the masters without making a true connection to their own lives. Buddhism is not an intellectual exercise. It is not a philosophy. It is a spiritual way of life that touches of every aspect of my being, including the way I walk, talk, think, and even breathe. Finding my original face is the challenge of a lifetime. After so much familial and societal dust on the mirror, it is difficult to see clearly. As well, I must also be aware of what still comes from without and what comes from within. This includes being aware of misinterpretation of the Dharma (my own and others) and separating the trappings of culture from the pearl of wisdom. I must be ever diligent. Dogen said "Don’t cling to your own understanding". Even if you do understand something, you should ask yourself if there might be something you have not fully resolved, or if there may be some higher meaning yet. If I think of myself twenty-five years ago, when I studied Zen Buddhism, I see my understanding as shallow and based on a rebellion against judgemental, narrow-minded religions. If I look back fifteen years ago, I see my understanding of Tibetan Buddhism as fragmented and confused. It makes no sense to think that today. "Overcome your uncertainties and free yourself from dwelling on sorrow. If you delight in existence, you will become a guide to those who need you, revealing the path to many." In River of Fire, River of Water Taitesu Unno wrote "The Dharma demonstrates a grand affirmation of life in which we discover that both living and dying contain infinite significance. In such an appreciation we gain new strength and courage to live each moment fully and gratefully, extending compassion to all beings without end." I believe it is most important to keep the core of my beliefs and practise pure. There may not be an organized temple. The chants may not be recited in the most perfect Japanese. But, if I study the Dharma, if I follow in the footsteps of the Sakyamuni Buddha, if I see myself as part of the Sangha of all Buddhists of the world, and if I continue to peel away the greed and ignorance to reveal my original face, I will always have direction and meaning in my life. I hope that each decade I will grow in the depth of comprehension of the Dharma and mesh it better and deeper into my being. I plan to continue my Dharma studies and re-examine Zen and Tibetan Buddhism, as well as other schools. Right view, right thought, right speech, right conduct, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right meditation, if I have these things, I have everything.

With Metta.

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