I have always felt "different" than others.  I can't really explain this feeling, only that it exists.  I am uncomfortable in social settings, and although I laugh and socialize well at parties and corporate functions, I leave feeling that somehow, I never really "connected" with the people in the room.  I am much more comfortable with a one on one conversation where I can get to know someone on a more personal level.  In 1999 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which looking back now, began when I was a child.; six years old, to be exact, since my mother describes that I became a "different person" that year.

I am an animal lover; at the present have three dogs ( a Boston Terrier, a miniature Poodle, and a German Shepherd--quite a combination!). two stray cats that my neighbors moved away and abandoned, and a Goffin Cockatoo.  I have my own little zoo!

I live in Pensacola, FL, and used to work in a doctor's office, where I spent my days smiling and showing compassion for others.  The patients seemed to think that I was wonderful.  I was there for 10 years, four months, and two days. Unfortunately, I became quite stressed out with the fast pace and responsibilities of the job, and began having severe panic attacks, and my auto immune disorder  (Sjogren's Syndrome) became worse., and I fell into the "black pit" of a deep depression.  I had to resign on June 26, 2008, and am in a state of grief.  I feel as if I have lost part of my family.  I worked with the staff so closely, and came to know so many patients over the years that I am truly sad about leaving them.

I am a cancer survivor.  I had intermediate depth malignant melanoma 11 years ago, and my surgery was obviously successful.  I understand how it feels to hear those words "Your tests results came back positive," along with the myriad of tests that immediately follow.  Suddenly your world is turned upside down, and one enters a world of surreal dream of activity where you question "is this really happening to me?" But there is hope, and I really think my guardian angel saw me through it, because at the time, things were reallly bad and I didn't really care what happened.  I almost saw it as a way to let my life end. Sometimes we don't see clearly, and we don't realize that there are more adventures and blessings down the road for us.

 I have two grandsons (ages 4 amd 2 yrs). that live in Atlanta, and I rarely see them.  I feel detached from my own life.  I live from day to day, fighting off panic attacks, an auto immume disorder called Sjrogren's Syndrome, fibromyalgia, and I am also Bipolar.  I consume a handfull of medications everyday just to relieve my symptoms, with no hope for relief or remission.  The most frustrating part is that it will not end.  When I think about that.....well.....

I have a Suzuki C-50 Boulevard, and it is one of the best stress relievers possible.  There is nothing quite like getting the wind in my face for lifting my spirits.  A ride through the country brings all kinds of sights and smells..... fresh hay, plowed dirt, growing flowers, horse farms, even rain storms.  We all learn to take the good with the bad in all aspects of life.

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• Jesus Mean & Wild: Discovering the Untamable God

  Submitting to Suffering - December 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM

  [Jesus] rebuked Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things. (Mark 8:33). When Peter refuses to acknowledge that Jesus must suffer and...

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