I'm having a lot of trouble right now with anxiety and depression. I have been so cut off from everything and haven't had a religion I could really believe in since I was seven and thought I could see God'sface in the fluorescent lights of our Catholic church.

My mother died of cancer two years ago and I was diagnosed with anorexia a year after that, and after that I've been dealing with food obsession and BED, and most recently I find that I get scared of the future at night. I wish I could find something to call out to,or something to grab onto from within. I'm trying meditation right now, deep breathign exercises and such, but still I find that in the end I still feel very empty. I want to try and grasp onto some sort of support in the universe and know that I am all right.

But I suppose so is everyone, and perhaps there really isn't anything to hold on to. But I've felt my mother's presence so many times that I know she is not truly gone. Existentialism is not quite my Truth, but neither is organized religion, as I don't believe any religion could ever truly answer the chain of WHY questions to their fullest extent, and really that is the purpose of an organized religion.

I've lost all interest in life but I'm not quite yet ready to die. My boyfriend, my relationships, my future... everything scares me and numbs me. I am scared of Nothing- because everything is nothing in the end.

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