I keep telling myself this is just a really bad dream, a nightmare, I will wake up soon.  ..... but reality, its not and i wont.  I cant grasp the words "my stepfather killed my mom then himself" ...... we were a really great family, we understood each other.  My mother was the perfect mom.....she was my perfect mom.  She was my best friend.  Everyone said we were just alike and i loved that.  it was such a compliment.  She was wonderful, beautiful and full of life.  She didnt deserve to die at the hands of the man she adored.  ..... and i loved and respected him so much.  He was the father i never had.  From the age of 12 he raised me, until he ended both of their lives in Oct 2006. I am now 35.  I loved him so much because he loved my mother so much.  He made her happy which made me happy.  And accepting that they are gone and why they are gone is the hardest thing i have EVER had to try and do ...... the pain in my chest and stomach is like i've been punched so hard i cant breathe ........

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karbie

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