wolflord
More About Me
My Tagline:
I am a Catholic Christian, by God's Grace
My Interests:
Prayer, Worship, God, Afterlife, Charity, Origin of life debates, Biblical archaeology, History, Movies, TV, Music, Books, Current events, Politics, Family, Dreams, Catholic Apologetics, Bible Study
My Favorite Books, Authors, Musicians, Movies, Preachers, TV shows, etc:
St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologica, The Passion of the Christ, Christian Contemporary Music.
Who Inspires Me:
St. Thomas Aquinas, James Akin, Dave Armstrong
My organizations and affiliations:
One Holy Catholic & Apostolic Church
My favorite spiritual activities:
Prayer, the Sacrifice of the Eucharist, Bible Study, Christian history studies, and Renaissance Martial Arts.
Who I'm praying for:
The Church of Jesus Christ
What is your current spiritual mood?:
Worshipful
What's your spiritual type?:
Candidate for Clergy - My faith is the absolute center of my life.
About Me
I suppose I should go to the basics.
I was born in Maryland to a nominal Catholic mother and a father with
a Fundamentalist (bordering on extremism) Baptist family. Shortly
thereafter, and much to the chagrin of my fundamentalist paternal
grandparents I was baptized according to the Roman rite of the
Catholic Church. Unfortunately, my genetic father was a drunkard and
because of his problems my mother divorced him and moved to Florida in
order to protect me.
So I grew up a mama's boy. Since she was nominal in her faith, I was
never raised Catholic, or indeed Christian, but I did have some
knowledge of who God is and a little about Jesus, but I certainly
didn't have a relationship with Him. My maternal grandfather
unfortunately came down with lung cancer when I was about five, and
the doctors told him he had maybe a year to live. He had always wanted
to see the beautiful Southern countryside, so we moved to S.C. A year
later he died. I was too young to be really affected by his death
though, but my mother was. She dated around alot until she met a man
who I have no doubt was sent to her by God.
He was a Southern Baptist and a devout one at that. He knew his Bible
and most of his family was devoutly Christian. He was kind to me and
mother and, in time, he married her and I happily became his adopted
son. This of course brought me to God. My father's mother, my new
grandma, began taking me to a small Ol' style Southern Baptist Church.
The people were loving and they began to teach me about God and the
Bible. During this time God granted me the grace of learning His
written Word. I began to absorb and retain Biblical knowledge like a
sponge. God filled me with a love of the Bible and I read as much as I
could, unconciously memorizing many different verses rapidly. Quite
frankly, I astounded my teachers and my pastor with my knowledge. But
then I came to the book of Revelation. It scared me and I went to my
parents with my fears. My mother told me to talk to the pastor (my
mother had recently become a "born-again" Bible believer). So I did,
and he quizzed me about why the Cross was important and what it meant,
and when I showed that I understood and believed this, he led me in
the "Sinner's Prayer." Shortly thereafter I was re-baptized.
By this time I was about nine years old and the Lord set my soul
aflame for Him. My love for God and the Bible overflowed in my heart
and I was constantly telling others about Jesus. I spent many hours at
my Middle School witnessing to others about Christ, and I organized a
Bible Study with my closest friends and I began to literally preach
sermons before school began. My faith in the tenets of Evangelical
Christianity was well-grounded and I was soon mocked for it. I began
to be ridiculed as "the Preacher". Yet I continued on trying to help
others get "saved". I believe this was God's work in my life.
Yet when I turned twelve, things began to change. I began to have
crippling doubts about my salvation. You must understand that a major
preoccupation among Evangelicals is "Eternal Security." Thus, I wasn't
afraid of losing my salvation, but I was afraid that I never had it in
the first place. Oh, how fearful that made me! I had anxiety attacks
and I began to voraciously read any Evangelical document I could to
allay my fears. I said the "Sinner's Prayer" maybe seven times during
this doubting period, but always I was left wondering. The Bible makes
it clear that we can be deceived (Jer. 17:9), so I began to wonder
whether anyone could be "sure" of their salvation. Eventually I just
sorta swallowed it, hoping that it would go away. It never did.
And so in this fragmented state I entered High School. Having been
taken away from my devout Christian friends I was quickly yoked to
evil ones, and I began to commit grave sins against God. My disconnect
with my Baptist church soon led me into darker places, and I renounced
Christ and Christianity for Celtic Recontructionist Paganism. I was
deceived by the beauty of nature and the lies of Satan to the point
where I prayed to false gods and I even made offerings to them. I
practiced divination and a little magic and this led me further down
this road. And as one might imagine, I continued to commit the same
sins. Later my love of the samurai of Japan led me to embrace
Shintoism and Buddhism. I never became devout in these religions, but
I dabbled in them.
Nevertheless, I felt empty and I realized my fault. I had tasted God
in my youth as an Evangelical, and I still loved Him. I repented of
paganism and repented of my sins and turned back to God, recommiting
my life to Jesus Christ. I soon began to study Evangelical theology
again and I was back to trying to spread the Gospel, although not with
the fervor of my "youth". Now fifteen, I began to become an
Evangelical fortress of doctrine, I studied many different Christian
writers and even anti-Catholic websites, and I began to get into
Christian apologetics. I went so far as to begin thinking of becoming a Messianic Jew.
Then two things happened to me that both were little miracles of God.
In the first one, a deacon at a local Catholic Church handed me a
booklet entitled "Pillar of Fire, Pillar of Truth." I soon learned
that it was written by a Catholic organization and I was skeptical
that this book would have any Biblical basis, but to my great surprise
it made abundant and germane use of Scripture. However, I scoffed at
this, assuming w/out evidence that these Catholics had twisted the
Scriptures to meet their diabolical ends, so I disposed of the book.
But still, what that booklet said came up in my mind every now and
then.
Then another incident occured which I believe to have been the direct
physical intervention of God. While browsing the shelves of my school,
I came upon a book entitled "99 Reasons to Become or Remain Catholic".
To this day I don't know who wrote it, but I decided to read what it
said. The book was apparently written by a former Presbyterian
minister who recounted his journey to the Catholic Church. Throughout
the book he based almost every single argument on the Bible. What
interested me most was when he showed me that there is no guarantee of
salvation promised in Scripture. He showed openly that we can indeed
lose our salvation if we willingly turn from God by sin. I was
shocked, but I knew in my heart what he said was true. And so, I
wept...like a baby. I wept in fear and shame of my sins which
had (at that time) become my chief vices.
However I don't believe that I had been given the gift of faith yet,
and after talking to my father about it, I disposed of the book,
confident that it was twisting the meaning of the Bible. I bought many
books on Eternal Security all of them from a Evangelical perspective,
mostly in an attempt to get rid of my doubts about salvation. Then,
CARM.org came to my rescue. CARM is a Calvinist Evangelical
organization that works in "anti-cult" ministry. It considers
Catholicism an "apostate church." I read all about Catholicism on CARM
and soon became convinced that the Catholic Church was not the Church
of Christ. I shared this info with my parents, strengthening my
father's faith that Catholicism was too inundated with unBiblical
tradition to be true. Solidified in my faith in Evangelicalism, I
began to debate with Jehovah's Witnesses on Beliefnet.com.
It was there that God intervened again in my life. I began attacking
the doctrine of Transubstantiation on a discussion forum here on Beliefnet. I
regurgitated CARM's arguments almost verbatim and expected the
Catholics to be stumped, but to my great and utter surprise the
Catholic I was speaking to was unphased. The Catholic said he didn't
know how someone could read John 6 and not believe in the Real
Presence. I had never really read John 6, and furthermore an
open-minded Protestant on that very board said that there was little
doubt that the Early Church Fathers believed in the Real Presence.
This intrigued me, as I had always wanted to know what Early
Christians believed, and how they worshipped. I went back to debating
with the Jehovah's Witnesses and to add historical weight to my
arguments that the Early Church believed in the Trinity, I turned to
the Church Fathers.
To my immense surprise, I found a Catholic website (www.catholic.com)
that cited the Church Fathers to substantiate Catholic doctrine.
Curious, I finally chose to open my mind and listen to the Catholics.
Now I had thought that the Catholic Church was one of the greatest
threats to "Biblical" Christianity. I was led to believe that the
Catholic Church worshipped Mary, believed that Jesus' sacrfice was
insufficient, blasphemed Christ by re-sacrificing Him every Mass, and
other things I had learned (mostly on CARM). Yet, to my surprise I
learned that the Catholic Church doesn't really teach those things
after all. Furthermore, I began to read Catholic Answers and I soon
learned that the Catholic Church is more Biblical than I thought. To
help you understand my revelation on the Biblical foundations of
Catholicism, let me give you a metaphor.
Imagine a puzzle with missing pieces. Some of the pieces are there,
but some aren't and that makes up a fragmented picture. As an
Evangelical, there were many passages in the Bible that the
Evangelical movement could not explain. As I studied Catholicism
however, I was shocked to realize that every doctrine of Catholicism
could be found (at least implicitly, at most explicitly) in the Bible.
Every missing puzzle piece, every verse that the Evangelical movement
could not explain, fell into place. The Catholic Church fit the Bible
not just on some levels, but on all the levels. I was also shocked to
learn that none of the Early Church Fathers believed anything even
remotely similar to Evangelicalism. The Early Church, to my surprise,
was firmly Catholic in their beliefs and ways of worship. The more I
studied history, the more I realized how faithful the Catholic Church
was to the Early Church, and how none of the doctrines of Catholicism
have changed over the centuries. I read many books on the Biblical
basis of the Catholic Church and I read Dave Armstrong's A Biblical
Defense of Catholicism (which I highly recommend) and I was totally
convinced.
The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church was indeed "Bible
Christianity" par excellence!
The decisive moment came when I went to my first Mass. As I set foot
into the Church. I was awe-struck at the beauty of it. The
stained glass, the statues, the tabernacle all let me see a glimse of
God's beauty. Also, St. Justin Martyr details in his First Apology the
general way the first-century Christians worshipped. To my immense
surprise later on, I realized that the Catholic Mass followed Justin's
account almost verbatim. When the bell was rung that signified that
Christ's Body and Blood had become present in the Church. I
spiritually fell to my knees in adoration, I knew that the power of
the Holy Spirit was in that place, I could feel it. I repeated, "Lord
I am not worthy" over and over again.
I soon joined the RCIA program, determined to Come Home to the
Catholic Church. I was 16-17 during this period and a senior in High
School. I attended only some of the RCIA classes, as I felt that I
already had a good grasp of Catholic doctrine. I went to either Mass
or Eucharistic Adoration after the classes, and I began to fall in
love with Catholic worship, particularly devotion to the Eucharist.
When I went to my first Confession, I screwed up because I was too
ashamed to show the Physician my wounds, and thus I was not healed.
However near the end of the program, I went to a get together at the
Church for a "pre-Confirmation" speaker. During this meeting, I went
to confession and I laid out all the depraved, carnal, and truly
degenerate sins of my past. After I was done, I remember how the
priest (to this day I don't know his name) laid his gentle hand on my
head and absolved me of all my filth. After that moment I KNEW that I
was clean before God. Every fiber of my body cried out in gladness. It
was weird. The
assurance that I was pure in God's eyes that I had so sought after as
a Baptist only came to me when I confessed my sins to a Catholic
priest.
Unfortunately before after my Confession, I found myself in a catch 22
situation. I won't go into details, but in short I commited a mortal
sin prior to Confirmation, and one that I was unwilling to repent of
prior to my Confirmation. So, knowing that I was not able to receive
Confirmation, I chose not to receive the Holy Spirit.
This was, in hindsight, as major mistake. I felt like I had betrayed
all of my teachers at the RCIA by not even showing up for the
celebration. Quite honestly I felt like I had nowhere to go. I knew I
couldn't become an Evangelical again for the simple reason that I had
been convinced of its imcompleteness. I was just lost I suppose. So in
my vain search to find God I fell back to Celtic Paganism. I worshipped, prayed, and
sung hymns to the "gods" and I made food offerings to them. I
practiced divination, and pagan chants. I also began looking at
Buddhism and Shinto again as well. I even started praying to the gods
of Ancient Rome.
Then, God came to my rescue I think. I started reading a book that
detailed St. Patrick's account of the conversion of the pagan Irish.
The arguments St. Patrick made about basically how the Earth is
material and will pass away, touched me and I realized how dumb it was
to worship nature. I started reading a little about Celtic
Christianity which showed me how Christianity is far greater than
paganism.
The biggest thing was that I didn't feel the presence of God. I
prayed, no beseeched, the "gods" of the Celts and the Romans and the
Japanese to hear and answer me. I begged and pleaded, waited for an
answer from them, but there was nothing. I still refused to embrace
Christ again though, until a turning point came.
I was in my home that day, but I felt strange. There were times in my
life when I could feel God, really feel His presence. But after I
decided not to receive Confirmation last year, and my subsequent
relapse back into paganism and Buddhism, I did not feel God in my life
at all. It was crushing. As I was in my room that night I was calling
out to God to touch me in some way. I felt so guilty that I ran away
from Him, and I was beginning to doubt whether He was still accepting
of me. But the more I cried out to Him, the worse I felt as I had no
answer. I tried prayer and praise to Him, but to no avail. I felt
utterly empty and alone.
Yet the night after this horrible experience, I found myself at the
same place (my room). At that time I had no desire to feel God, but
something strange happended. I said to myself, "I have always been
told that God's Love is everlasting and that He will always take me
back." However, I was still wondering whether this was true. I mean
after all, I had commited terrible sins after my
backslide, how could God even be near me in my state of mortal sin?
Yet strangely something hit me. I turned around and looked up at my
crucifix and thought: I may not feel that God loves me, but I must
BELIEVE that He does and that He wants to forgive me. Jesus dined with
theives, prostitutes, and liars, and He was called "Friend of
Sinners." Surely I was in the same, if not worse, state as they were!
Then I began to realize that I could feel God again, deep in my soul.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE! It was like I somehow knew deep in my heart that He
truly did love me and that all I needed to do was simply rest in His
arms. I was so joyful that I began to cry and I continously kept
saying "Thank you Abba, thank you!" I cannot really explain how it
felt but it was so comforting.
I quickly re-enrolled in the RCIA class, and began my journey home (again). After a year of catechesis and walking with Christ, the time came for my Initiation.
It took a long time but after about two years of catechesis, struggle, and working with God's Amazing Grace, I was fully initiated into the Body of Christ through the Mysteries of Confirmation and the Eucharist on April 22nd, 2008.
By the Grace of the undivided Trinity, I believe and confess that the Holy Spirit of God descended upon me allowing me to personally share in the outpouring of Pentecost. After my anointing with the sacred chrism, I was allowed to come to the Lord's Table where I received the Sacred Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. I had been waiting for that moment all my life!
In the few months prior my Initiation, I struggled with deep questions. My spiritual father, Deacon Bob Pierce, was instrumental in my eventual overcoming of these gnawing doubts and for that I am ever grateful. As you are aware I did not receive the sacraments in the spring of 2007, because of my own scrupulousness and a lack of trust in God. As the months approached close to the date of Initiation this year I was fraught with doubts, scruples, and anxiety. There was nothing factually that would cause me to doubt as my spiritual father and my parish priest noted to me many times, no, rather it was a feeling of uncertainty that my Confirmation may be invalid (although again, nothing factually suggested that it would be). I was also plagued with fears that I had committed a mortal sin, even though I was unaware of committing one prior to my Initiation. I have discerned, after a long discussion with my parish priest that these anxieties and doubts were the work of the Evil One.
So, I turned to the Lord my God and made a heartfelt act of Faith in Him. In short, I told Him that despite my doubt I choose to believe in His Word regardless of my doubt and that I would live my life as if there was no doubt and that I would trust that God would one-day grant me confident Faith. I let go, with tears, of my inhibitions and feelings, and I clung to my Savior, to His promises and His love. I surrendered my will and fears to His Will, trusting that He would be Faithful. Still, the act of faith did not do away with my feelings of worry or doubt. However, I had placed my trust in God's Holy Word and had "set my face like flint" to do His Will.
On the morning and afternoon of the day prior to the celebration, my worst episode of satanic attack hit me. The fear boiled down to my scruples in which I feared that I had committed a mortal sin. If I had committed a mortal sin, I would be unable be Initiated. Fear swept over me like a cloud and I prayed for God's Grace and the intercession of the Blessed Virgin. I made an examination of conscience and determined that I had committed some sin, however as far as I could discern they were not grave sins and I was not sure that I had committed any grave sin. Still I desired to come to Jesus in the sacrament of Confession prior to my Confirmation to allay my fear, but after desperate attempts to locate a priest I was unable to find one who could hear my Confession.
At that point, which was about 20 minutes prior to the actual Initiation Liturgy, I was faced with a choice:
Would I give in to my fears and doubts, even though as far as I knew there was nothing substantial to those feelings?
OR
Would I place my trust in the Lord God, and cling to His promises to be Faithful to His Holy Covenant?
By God's Grace, I chose to trust in God.
My Church has a parochial school next door, so I entered the school cafeteria to sit and wait for the procession into the Church. Due to the discernment of our parish pastor, I was to be confirmed with some of the middle-school kids. This kind of annoyed me since I was eighteen at the time. There was a girl there whom I had met before though, who showed me Christ. I should probably mention her somewhat to make this recollection more comprehensive, as I will never forget her face.
Her name was Emma Platte, and she is a devout cradle Catholic of 12 years. I had met her at the Confirmation Retreat, and my first impression of her was that she was truly blessed. I remember thinking and later telling her that she will one-day become a great saint. Despite her age, she exuded a love for the Lord Jesus and His Bride. At the rehearsal, a day before the Initiation, she had asked me why I had not gone to Communion with the other kids. When I responded that this Confirmation Mass would be my First Communion her eyes lit up and she told me she was so happy for me. Her love for the Lord shined and I saw Christ in her. Seeing her eyes filled with joy brought some much needed comfort to my soul.
….But back to the story……
When the time came for the procession into the gym (which was tastefully modified into a "church" for the Mass), we all lined up in the waiting room and made our way to the gym. After processing in under the crossed swords of a group of Columbian knights, we sat down and waited for the service to begin. Emma was sitting a few seats away from me and, thanks be to God, the 8th grade kids finally were being quiet. The Mass began with the usual rites including of course Bible reading which focused on God the Holy Spirit within the Scriptures. After the readings, the dean of our diocesan deanery gave a stirring homily. Since we didn't have a bishop at the time for my Confirmation, the dean came in the authority of the Diocese. Anyway, his preaching rivaled that of any down-home Southern Baptist preacher! In his homily he urged us (the candidates) to remember that we are salt to the world. He urged us to go out and proclaim the Good News of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. His homily moved me and I will no doubt never forget those words, which, I believe, were the Words of the Holy Spirit.
Then came the time to renew my baptismal promises. Due to the fact that I was baptized as an infant, the profession of Faith necessary for salvation was made for me by my parents and godparents in union with the whole Church. Now that I was of age, I was called to profess my faith myself which I did with all the conscious will I could muster. In that moment, I renewed before God and His Church, the ancient creed of Christianity. After we professed our Faith, the dean and our parish pastor (who was also administering the Sacrament) raised their hands over the crowd of candidates and called down the Blessed Spirit in prayer. This moment was the "laying on of hands" spoken of in the Bible. After the holy prayer of epiclesis, we filed up to either to the dean, or in my case, our pastor to receive the anointing and the sacrament of Confirmation.
I was in the second row praying earnestly for God's Spirit to come upon me, to complete what began almost 19 years ago. When it was my turn, I walked up to the pastor with my hands clasped along with my sponsor. With closed eyes, I felt my priest trace the Holy Cross on my head with the chrism and thus I was Chrismated on my forehead. After the words of Chrismation were said, I gave a hearty "AMEN!" which my priest smiled at. After exchanging with him the sign of peace (which I messed up saying in my excitement), I went back to my seat. I soon realized, even as I was going to sit down, that some, actually quite a bit, of the Holy Chrism had gotten on to my hands. I was delighted! I could smell the sweet balsam mixed into the holy oil and I thought: "I am a sweet fragrance for Christ!" As I was sitting in my seat waiting for the others to be Confirmed, I engaged in prayer. I lifted up my heart to give God thanks for the gift of His Spirit, and even though I could not see the Holy Spirit, I knew that with the imposition of the Chrism I had been forever sealed. I was now and for all eternity a true bondservant of the undivided Triune God. Placing my hands to cup my face, I breathed in the sweet and beautiful scent of my new life in Christ.
After the Chrismations had been completed, it was time for prayer. We beseeched the Lord to hear our prayers as we made intercessions for the world. When we were done, we all sat to wait as the sacred altar was prepared for the Sacrifice of the Eucharist. As the Table was prepared, I again prayed for God's Grace. I realized that the moment I had so long awaited for was soon about to take place. Soon I would partake of Jesus Christ Himself in the Holy Eucharist. When the gifts had been brought and the altar prepared, we stood for the Liturgy of the Eucharist. I bowed my head in adoration at the anaphora when by the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of Christ the bread and wine changed substance (i.e. metaousiosis/transubstantiation) into the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Through the Thrice Holy Hymn and the anamnesis I professed my Faith in Christ's life and work, and I worshipped my living God. I then gave my assent of Faith with the Great Amen along with all the Church. Then the entire Church, as one, prayed the Lord's Prayer in the words Christ taught us. After which we made the sign of peace. As I gave the handshake to my newly Confirmed brothers and sisters in Christ, I came to Emma. I gave her God's peace and with a deep love in my heart called her my sister.
Then came the Lamb of God when the Eucharistic host was broken, in liturgical memory of Christ being broken to save us. I meant every prayer with my heart especially when I said, "Lord I am not worthy to receive you…but only say the word and I shall be healed."
Very soon after this came the moment of Communion when the priests, deacons, and extraordinary ministers came down and went to their stations. As the Communion hymn started to play and the kids started to file up, my hands began to tremble. I prayed to the Lord professing to Him my faith in His spotless, immortal, and life-giving Mystery of the Eucharist. I told Him that I really believed that this was His Body and Blood, and furthermore I asked Him to commune with me in the Eucharist. Soon, it was my turn to approach our pastor who held the cup containing the Sacred Flesh of Christ. My hands trembled as I went up and upon the words, "The Body of Christ" I gave my heartfelt Amen. I was saying with my heart, "Yes Lord, I believe this is really your Body!" After professing my faith with my "amen", I received the spotless and glorious Body of Christ on my tongue and gnawed on and then swallowed His Flesh. With hands still trembling, I then approached the extraordinary minister who held the chalice containing the Blood of Christ. This Sacred Blood, poured out to cleanse me of all my sins, was offered to me with the words of Truth: "The Blood of Christ." With another true Amen, I drank of the Blood of the Risen King. After I had received Communion I went back to sit down, with hands still trembling.
At that moment I knew that I, like Mary, carried Christ within me spiritually and physically. I thought to myself and prayed that now my Savior had become the Flesh of my flesh, and the Bone of my bone. Halleluyah! All glory, praise, and honor be to the Lamb of God!!!
As I sat there contemplating how long I had waited for that moment and what it meant, I felt tears begin in my eyes. At first, I wanted to cry but I think I was hesitant to do so. I had never cried before in Church and I was surrounded with kids I didn't know. But a post-Communion hymn soon began to play called "All in All."
Anyway, the woman who sung it praised the Lord beautifully. The lyrics of the song made me think about what Jesus meant to me and all the blessings and favors and love that He had done and showed to me in my life prior to that day. I couldn't help it and quite frankly I didn't want to stop it. I took my glasses off and I cried. It wasn't like loud wailing, but rather, a gentle sort of cry. Tears welled in my eyes and my chest trembled as I cried inside. It was like a quiet sobbing and I knew that others could see me but I didn't care anymore. As the song continued to play I worshipped God without even praying. It was love for Christ, gratitude for what He had done for me, but also the love that I felt knowing that He did it for me out of His Love. That was the message of the song and it touched me. All the stupid and immoral things I had done: Paganism, sexual sin, whatever, none of it had cancelled God's love for me. And God proved it to me by allowing me to consume Him and be with Him intimately as if it was Heaven on Earth. Now that I look back, I like to imagine it that moment as if I was laying my head on Jesus' chest sobbing in His arms.
So I sobbed for as long as Communion lasted. I finally forced myself to stop, but I think I may have started again spontaneously. Anyway, I eventually stopped noting that I wasn't the only one crying even though I wasn't sure who was. We as a Church thanked the dean for coming in place of the bishop, and for his awesome Spirit-filled preaching. Then there was a benediction and we processed out and around the Hall to a place where we were to take a group picture. I remember seeing Emma. She stood next to me and told me, with her gentle, loving voice, something to the effect of "Why did you have to go and cry? You got me started." Not knowing what to say in response and feeling very clumsy (as so often happens when I am around girls) I blurted out a "sorry" which she met swiftly with "I am so happy for you." After being temporarily blinded with flashing camera lights, we were allowed to go to our families for a dinner/reception. Before I went to my parents I stopped to speak with Emma. Her face yet again shined with Christ (not to mention gleaming Chrism), and we talked for a few seconds. She told me that she was so happy for me and that she had, "nothing of value except this," and with that traced the sign of the Cross on my chrism-covered forehead giving me her blessing. I was moved to the heart and I returned the gesture blessing her likewise as my sister in the Lord Jesus. Never before have I seen such depth of Faith in someone so young.
The rest of the story is little more than some fellowship, hugs, and smiles. There was great love in my church that night. The love was palpable. As so often happens to me, a man who I didn't know came up to me and basically asked me if I was going to become a priest. With the many instances of this I am beginning to wonder whether God is trying to get my attention.
As I typed this originally, I could smell the sweet Chrism's scent on my head. With a mere nod of the head I was reminded of my new life in Christ. I can no longer smell the Sacred Myron, but I can remember the sweet smell of it and I will never forget what that scent means to me!
After trying to find happiness Paganism and finding silence; after indulging in sexual sin and finding emptiness; after running from God only to learn that I cannot live without Him; I am finally Home where I belong: In the arms of Jesus Christ, He who knew me in my mother's womb and knit my flesh together, He who love me and redeemed me on a cross of wood, and He whom I love and desire to love even more.
The peace of the Triune God be with us all,
-Anthony John
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Prayer for deliverance - July 5, 2008 - 03:42 PM
wolflord After reading your history and the recent problem you had, I suggest you check the web christianhealingmin.org You will find information about a former Catholic Priest, now married with children, his marriage blessed in the Catholic Church, who has a powerful "healing ministry." My discernment as to why you "keep stumbling" is due to all the "stuff" that you have been involved in the past, which needs to be "cleared out." Many Christians that have been involved into "other things" not of God, need deliverance from those spirits. There are many "Charismatic" priests that can pray with you for deliverance. There is a Charismatic priest in my area that has a Healing and Deliverance Ministry. I have been a "prayer warrior" when he prayed for deliverance of a Catholic/Christian person who had at one time been involved in witchcraft. God works mightily through Charismatic priests. Perhaps checking the area where you are located, for a Charismatic Prayer Community, would be helpful. I pray that you will be open to what I have mentioned so you can be a "free" Catholic/Christian. Praise God!