I am a 60 year old US. Navy veteran living alone in a small apartment in Moberly , MO. My wife of 18 years and I have been seperated for over a year now and I am very lonely and depressed most days. We have a 60 acre horse ranch where my wife lives with her 33 year old son and grand daughter. The seperation was my fault because I was verbally abusive to her for many years , but she gave as good as she got. I have been doing alot of praying and changing and hopeing that we can get back together one day. I think that it could happen if it wasn`t for her son. For whatever reason he is mad at me and has decided he doesn`t want to have anything to do with me anymore. And my wife is afraid if I move back home that he will move off the property and take his daughter with him. It is sort of a mess but I have given it to God to work out and I just try to get through each day, waiting for some sort of results.

I don`t have any friends at all anymore short of my church congregation because my wife has all my friends and neighbors thinking I am some kind of monster. It would be very nice just to have some one to spend time with and have conversations with. I talk with God all the time and I know He is there for me when I need him, but human companionship would be nice also. I don`t know if this is going to end in divorce or not, I am hoping not. But I guess if it does I will have to deal with it. I have been alone for so long now I really don`t know how it would be any different except I will have broken my promise to God. It is very difficult to know what to do. I have been working with my Pastor but we have not solved any of the problems. If I wasn`t so afraid of going to hell I think I would just end it all. Actually that is not the only reason I am still here, I have two kids that are grown and three grand kids and I know that it would hurt them really bad if I ended it all, so I go through each day the best I can.

I try to go for walks and ride my bicycle to keep fit. I love the outdoors and used to horseback ride and canoe alot also. Before gas got so high I used to love to get in my car and just go out and try to get lost. I live in a very beautiful part of the state and no matter where you go there are lots of things to see. I deer hunt in the fall and used to fish alot, but haven`t been in a year or so. I am the type of person that loves to be in love and I am truly fasinated by women. I wish so much that I had a women companion and just keep praying it will happen.

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lost and lonely

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