Looking for a sign of postive things to come but everyhere i turn just get more bad or null events happen to me . It's been like this now for 13 years. The last good thing to happen to me was my part time job and now I can reconnect with an an old family relative who then was more negative than postive in the past. Now she is very open for postive things but I have no faith or belief that the time we share can more than a shaky indifference to what may happen. I purpsoely cut myself off from society so nothing bad could lead me out to a depression. I still beileve to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised when something good happens in one's life.