If Not for Love..by Wayne Watson..

In time, they say, all wounds will heal
But time alone would just reveal
The measure of my best intent,
How vainly it would all be spent;
Empty boxes, if not for love.

My prayer never would be heard
The appeal denied without a word
The throne room of my father's house
Closed fast, just to keep me out,
"no admission", if not for love

Chorus:
If not for love the godless would reign
If not for love any light would be shadow
But love was strong, revealed the plan
Man's perfect god, god's perfect man

A cross would stand alone, refused.
A son blessed and not accused.
The savior never sent, blind to the world's lament
No forgiveness, if not for love.

Life is hard...But God is good.. by Pam Thumb..

You turn the key
Then close the door behind you
Drop your bags on the floor
You reach for the light
But there's darkness deep inside
And you can't take it anymore

'Cause sometimes living takes the life out of you
And sometimes living is all you can do

Life is hard, the world is cold
We're barely young and then we're old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good

You start to cry
'Cause you've been strong for so long
And that's not how you feel
You try to pray
But there's nothing left to say
So you just quietly kneel

In the silence of all that you face
God will give you His mercy and grace

Jesus never said
It was an easy road to travel
He only said that you would never be alone
So when your last thread of hope
Begins to come unraveled
Don't give up, He walks beside you
On this journey home and He knows

Life is hard, the world is cold
We're barely young and then we're old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good 

I've known him for yrs... longer than my husband ..and he's my husbands best friend... I'll call him CF here.. My hubbie and met each other when they where both teaching at a  K-8 school.. Because he lived near us.. CF and my hubbie carpooled together..and since they taught 40 min.. away.. it was greatly appreciated by all.. They quickly became best friends and are to this day.. For 5 yrs they carpooled and then my hubbie moved to a different school , he's a music teacher and CF.. a science teacher .. moved to a high school.. A move that had he knowed the living hell that the administrators would put him through.. I'm sure CF.. would not have done..

A few yrs after starting to teach at the high school.. CF.. told Hubbie privately about the accusations that had been made against him.. From the accusations.. came the taking of his personal computer..and being put on administrative leave.. The district and admits illigally taking the computer and reading the stuff on it.. But claimes it gave it back.. A bold face lie.. needless to say the computer is lost.. but that's just peanuts compared to what comes next.. 

This district.. where CF was tenured.. dismisses him.. based the complaint of one student and parent.. about something that never happened..The distirct then launches a civil trial against CF..  Contrary to popular beliefs.. the NEA.. (teachers union) only covers 5,000 $ of the leagal fees..  And to make matters worse.. the district has gone on to convince the DA to try the case in criminal court.. The judge in the criminal case has said there was no case.. and yet the DA fully intends to try the case.. 

For 3 yrs+ years. CF.. has had his life unsettled..The district played games delayed the case .. Then sevral of their witnesses purgured themselves under oath.. A key witness for the district confessed on the stand..that the adminstrators.. kept her out of her classes for 2 weeks and threatened to transfer her to a really rotten high school in the district if she didnt' write down that CF had sexually herassed her.. She refuse.. everytime..  It was clear that the districts witnesses where coached in their testemonies.. The key witness ( the student and mom).. changed their stories.. 3 times on the stand  and under oath.. when cross examined... by CF's attorney... A witness for CF.. a fellow science teacher..at the same school.. testified. to the bagering willingness of admimistrators to do anything to get rid of a teacher if they didn't like them...This was a man.. who was told that he couldn't take the day off for his religious holiday.. He once made a comment to a class about being Jewish.. only to walk into his classroom the next day to find swatzdicas written all over the place.. The administrators responce.. He was told to stop talking about his religion..Nothing happend to the student.. Nothing.. My hubbie testified to CF's character.. CF..is a Christian man..who tries to live what he believes.. Hubbie and CF have been in the same bible study together for 4 or 5 yrs now..  With all the lying on the stand that the districts witnesses did..and was pointed out to the grand jury..  and considering that there was no case against CF.. just the twisting of words and circumstances..to fit the districts adgenda to get rid of CF..  It would be an open and shut case..

CF has paid 80+ thousnad dollars to fight these accusations against him and he still has a criminal trial to fight.. Over 3 yrs after it all began.. CF found out the vurtic.. He was found guilty of using poor judgement..and being a bad influence.. to students.. they found him not guilty of the charge of sexual herassment..CF.. has lost his job.. his marriage is struggleing.. and the district.. paid close to a million dollars in lawyer fees to get rid of a man.. who is an exellent teacher..and had done nothing wrong.. It was just a case of the administrators not liking him.. As if they had room to talk.. The key player for the district covered up an affair she was having wtith a much older custodian..who died while in the thrones of sexual passion at the same school she was a VP at... 

So tell me.. these folks get away with making a person's life hellish .. and the person who has done nothing wrong .. .. .looses so much.. 

( more to follow)

It's funny how songs that you have sung.. suddenly come back to give you strenght and incouragement when you need them.. This song.. The Strength of the Lord.. by Larenelle Harris.. has been going through my mind.. as I try to accept that my dear friend.. who has helped me stay out of mental hospitals.. is dying.. Pixel is a cat.. But he has loved me..and provided comfort.. when no one else could..  So here's the song.

L TOP - L J... - Larnelle Harris Lyrics - The Strength Of The Lord Lyrics Download Larnelle Harris - The Strength Of The Lord Music \ Sometimes life seems like words and music That can’t quite become a song. So we cry inside, and we try it again And wonder what could be wrong. But, when we turn to the Lord at the end of ourselves Like we’ve done a time or two before We find His truth is the same As it has always been We’ll never need more Chorus: It’s not in trying But in trusting It’s not in runningBut in resting Not in wonderingBut in praying That we find the strength of the Lord (2 times) He’s all we need For our every need We never need be alone Still He’ll let us go if we choose to To live life on our own Then the only good That will ever be said Of the pains we find ourselves in There are places to gain The wisdom to say I’ll never leave Him again Chorus (2 times) Not in wondering But in praying That we find the strength of the Lord

Okay.. My husband tells me that I'm a good mommy.. And that's a high compliment.. Yet.. sometimes.. orkay.. a great deal of the time.. I'm burnt out.. I have a daughter who is special needs.. And she keeps me on my toes. . As much as I love her.. I am soo tired.. So burnt out.. Today she flooded the bathroom.. and I was already stressed as we are going on vacation tomorrow. I am tired of being her mommy... Now please..understand.. I love her to death..and cant' imagine life without her.. but..I am tired of the struggle that comes with parenting her.. I mean.. we have to have someone with her in Sunday School.. and because my husband plays in the Praise Band at church..If I can't find someone.. then..I'm it.. and I'm tired of it.. I would love to just drop her in her classroom and leave.. But I can't .. I find it amazing that God trust my ability to parent her.. Because I spend so much of my time on my knees  asking for help..  Anyway.. I'm tired.. and burnt out. and .. well.. I have a life time contract.. but ... I need a vacation... from my kids.. 

Does it matter to people that I'm hurting?? Does it matter that my husband called me stupid and a moron.??  Does anyone care.. If I didn't post for a while would anyone be worried.. ???   Has the impact I''ve made on peoples lives only been surface??   Does it matter to anyone.. ?? Why is it that no one ask me how I'm doing.. ? Why is it that I'm always the one to ask people how they are doing. Dont' my friends care....???

I'm curing up.. and I'm retreating inside me.. I'm hurting.. and those who I though cared, don't seem to be around.. 

Do I matter to anyone...???   I'm huirting andno one cares..