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    I'm tired......

    Saturday, March 14, 2009, 6:20 AM [A place to vent]

    I hate to be a whinger..... but i'm tired. I always feel like there's others so much more worse off than me, so I'd better not lump my shit on others. But...... I'm tired.....

    There has been so much going on with people in my life for months now, that there's really been very little time for me.... to nurture me.... to care for me.... I can't talk to any of my close friends and family, cause they are the ones who are having tough times, and I don't want to be a burden in their already tough lives. I know they wouldn't agree with this, but thats how I feel at the moment. i jsut can't burden them more than they are already.

    Just before Christmas my almost 15yo daughter broke up with her boyfriend of 8 months. They were very in love. The problems we caused by their age difference. They were 3 1/2 yrs apart (he was older) but I did everything in my power to make sure things didn't go further than they should.... to no avail. They didn't go 'too far'... just further than a 14 1/2 yo girl should go in my opinion. She knows this also now, and has learned a hard lesson I hope. Needless to say she's been healing her broken heart since then, and has had some rude awakenings in recent weeks, finding out that he has really changed and has not been very nice about some things, while they were together, and since. She is now in a depression, and I have increased her tabs and will take her to the Dr on Tues. A boy at her school, also grade 10, died suddenly 2 weeks ago, so there is a lot of grief hanging around the school also. She likes a boy who likes someone else.....etc. Teenage life sux!

    My older son turned 16 two weeks ago, and since starting gr 11 in Jan he went into a very, VERY deep depression. SO deep, I was actually worried for his sanity and his life. I didn't leave him alone at home for fear of what I might come home to. I unenrolled him from school in Mid Feb and he is talking part in a government program for 15-17yos as a transition from school into the work force. He is doing much better now, and is actually enjoying life again, but for a couple of months there, it was touch and go. I know if I hadn't get him to the Dr and onto medication when I did, I prob would have been planning a funeral instead, thats how bad he was. I can't put into words how worrying it all was.

    My best friend's health isn't very good most of the time. She might actually be fighting an auto immune disorder, but they are still trying to work that out exactly. Only a couple of months ago her partner was critically ill, and fighting for his life. It was SO hard to see her in such turmoil and unable to do much to help.

    Another best friend is still trying to cope since her divorce a few years ago, and her ex is still being a dick lots of the time.

    Yet another good friend has only split from her husband early this year, and he is being REALLY nasty. Her and the kids are finding it very hard.

    My sister has been fighting Chronic fatigue for about 3 yrs now, and is not improving. She is now having a relapse of anorexia to top it all off, and even though she is taking part in a support group, and is talking to us. It is SO hard to hear the way she talks about eating/not eating, about clothes and what she WILL fit into soon. I felt so (internally) angry at her the other day when we were at the shops together. I just don't understand the whole way-of-thinking behind this disorder. How can they just not eat! She has a teenage son who needs her. If she gets worse, her ex may fight for him, and her son has aspergers which his dad doesn't recognise, so it would be the absolute worst thing for him to be taken from her and go to him, if he tried to prove she couldn't handle parenting him.... which i'm positive he would do if given half a chance

    Mum and dad are very worried about my sister also, and live 2 1/2 hrs out of town, so can't actually BE here. They have to rely on my to fill them in on things she won't/isn't telling them. Then I feel guilty about worrying them more, but also know they will worry if they feel shut out also. I don't want them to know I'm finding life hard either.... would just be one more thing to worry about. Good friends of theirs are having probs with their daughters husband/partner who is causing probs and is not a very nice person (to put it mildly) so they have other worries also.

    My brother in Melbourne was in the midst of the bushfire dangers a few weeks ago. We were very worried about him and his wife because they decided to stay adn fight if it came close the their property. Over 200 people were killed in these fires, and over 7000 are now homeless and have lost everything. They are ok, but that was a worry for a bit also.

    I know that one of the only things that keeps me going is my angels and knowing they're here for me. I call on them constantly, and will keep doing so.

    Since I can't offload on the people in my life, I felt the only other place I could turn to is my amazing friends here on beliefnet.

    Thanks for listening/reading all this crap..............

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    I HATE this feeling!!!

    Friday, January 16, 2009, 1:20 AM [A place to vent]

    HATE this feeling of anger and frustration. I like to feel happy and friendly and bubbly. I get along with most people I meet and if I don't get along with them, I choose to move on. Not so easy when its a fellow workmate.

    I am trying to ask for guidance from my angels but I don't even know the words to say. How do I ask for help with this without sounding negative and bitter?!

    My best friend and I work at the same fruitshop down the road from home, and I really love my job and working with customers again. I have only been there for 6 months and S (my friend) has been there for about half that time. R has worked there for a few years and thinks she's Queen Muck. Her words to S about the both of us just today at change of shift.... "you are both new here and therefore have NO say. If you don't just butt out I will do everything in my power to get you both sacked" WTF!!!! (pardon the language). The one and only bonus here is that 'R' and I never work together, but it's still managing to cause potential problems.

    Needless to say, we have informed G (the owner/boss) about this, but as there are only four regular seniors there she is hesitant to say much as she doesn't want the stress off someone quitting on her. Part of me understands this feeling, but the other half of me is a bit pissed that she is standing up for R and not standing up for us.

    I just quite simply don't know what to do to help myself cope better. I am repeating my 'mantra' (release and surrender) but don't know what else I can tell myself or how to ask my angels for help here.

    I am sitting here at the computer crying and can barely see the screen and am feeling ill about it all. Please help me!


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