Ok, sometimes dreams are not so subtle. Last night I dreamed that i was showing someone all sorts of things that I've been doing to "play nice" with my ex, that is, foster a better relationship for the sake of my kids. My ongoing mantra has been "I love my kidsw more than I'm mad at my ex", followed by, "the kids need me to not be mad." At the same time, in this dream, my daughters were crying because they were hungry & I was too busy showing off how nice I was being to feed them.
This dream was a solid self-check to remind myself that instead of just talking, I need to be certain that I am truly focusing on the kids & their actual needs, both physical & emotional.
Sometimes I feel like I'm too busy or too broke to keep up with their needs. There's a neighbor that lets them play at her house & gives them cookies & lets them play with her kittens & stuff. I know that any friend that they have is a good thing, & that I've raised them to be independent & outgoing, but part of me feels a bit jealous that they like spending time with her...On the other hand, it's not like I'm naturally a "buckets o' fun" person. I love them & they love me, but I'm not one who constantly thinks up fun things to do. I'm usually just trying to keep up with life as best I can.
So, do I make a resolution to be more fun, or do I make a resolution to concenrtrate more on my children's needs as people...the 2nd, I think - Need to readjust my thinking...