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  • Shatteredsoul

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    Hello Shattered Soul, Thank you so much for responding. I too just joined today. I came in to work this morning with my tears riding on my eyelids trying to keep them from falling but after hearing from you they wouldn't stay there any longer. I guess I just needed to let them flow. I appreciate the thoughtfulness. I'm trying so hard to hang on to my faith and to continue to love my husband in spite of his behavior. I don't know how to take care of myself; I have an 8-year-old son whom I adopted when he was 5-months-old hoping to give him a better life and I can't seem to do it anymore. He deserves so much more. I know that I don't have the courage to speak up to my husband so I am enabling him to get sicker and sicker. What I am doing is helping him get sicker. Yet, I don't have to courage to stop this madness. I feel so guilty. I too use to drink (with him) so I really feel like I don't have the right to complain. I isolate myself because I feel like such a failure. Therefore no one really knows the pain that I am in. I feel too embarrassed to keep asking for help at church. Every time I go I break down and cry and it seems like others just don't know what to say or do so they stay away from me. I really need to focus on my son and help him as much as possible, I just so tired and worn out that I don't have the energy. Every waking moment is spent worrying and caring for Robert who won't even help himself. Why? What’s wrong with me? Why can't I let go of my husband and take care of myself and my son. This is what really depresses me. Knowing that I need to do something but not finding the courage to do it. I talk like I want to but when I get home I buckle down and start the cycle of catering to my husband all over again even when he confronts me and ask me what wrong I feel like I must tell him nothing wrong so he won’t feel bad. My neighbors tell me to stop letting him do this to me but I feel like I have no choice it’s my punishment for trying to have a child when I physically could not. If God had wanted me to have a child he would have gave me one. Maybe that’s why I am having such a hard time. Maybe God is showing me that I cannot change his decision by giving myself a child when it clearly was not in the cards. You know I think that why I continue to accept this behavior. Deep down inside I think I rebelled against God and now I am suffering the consequences. After saying this on paper I think that’s what’s wrong with me, I feel I deserve this life style because I didn’t listen to God. Sincerely, Overwhelmed

    June 11, 2009
    3:56 PM
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    I just joined this site today and ran across your profile. i hope and pray that you and your husband are well. like you, i feel defeated and at the end of my rope. hopefully we can be a support system for each other.

    June 11, 2009
    3:06 PM
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