Isn't all of life really and essentially a rhythmic and erotic belly dance of belonging to a story, a common event, a slice of sweet immediate NOW? Only in the circle of my extended family do I ever experience fully belonging to anything. Specifically, my Japanese family. My uncles, aunts and cousins were all here this holiday season, which takes a lot, since they live in New Zealand and Japan. Since I never see myself in either the Japanese nor the white faces of my relatives, I look for that deep pool of acceptance in the eyes. If that is there, I can relax and be myself. My mother's eyes are the only blue eyes that are deep enough for me to relax into.

And now they are gone and I miss them. I started a scrapbook by placing a picture of each person on a page and writing down what I know of them, and ways in which I've grown by knowing them. Being a writer, each picture is only 5X7, and the 12"12" page is crammed with my journaling. I keep hearing my aunt tell me to use empty space in design. Whereas my page of my dad might say, "He walks like the dust of his coming and going swirls into mysterious formulas that would reveal the secrets of quarks and proteins, if we could only observe him carefully." Hers would say, Compelling.

I guess my extended family is my empty space, although I hadn't seen that until just now. They are there in what's not there. What is here is my CAR!!!!! I got a 2008 Prius in Barcelona red for Christmas from my fiance!!!!! He is such a devil. On Christmas morning, everyone knew that there was a new Prius parked outside except for me. So he gives me this box, beautifully wrapped, and inside is an expensive but so not me coat. I tried to be diplomatic but really, it was disgustingly ugly. I thought maybe I'd like it better on, so I put it on, put my hands in the pockets which I always do, and there was this funny button, which is the new keyless security system in a Prius. The coat was strictly a joke.