I'm so tired of running,

of chasing shadows,

and, like being caught up in a dream,

of getting chased by one

fragment of my brain!

 

I'm so tired of running,

of being intimidated by that great spook called satan,

who would huff and buff and blow my house in

if I didn't gratify his desire...the lust

to have his own way even at the expense of another.

 

I speak now of my own ego, the other,

the split in my consciousness, as in another,

who is the only enemy I'll ever know--

even as I deny my inmost self to make it so.

 

Still, with a little knowledge,

I may confrony this ego-satan thru my family,

community, country and the world at large;

but in the end it always comes back to me,

to my own personality, psyche, soul,

duality and sensory perception...

back to the literal perspective, the ego,

and its findamental interpretation.

 

Yes, back to the one I know--yet the one I constantly

try to escape from having any direct knowledge of--

as this would, for a certainty,

nail the very sense of self

to the cross of my own consciousness.

 

In the end, then, I can't escape the other,

even my own karma and pattern of behavior;

for what goes around comes around

'til finally confronted and transformed,

I see thru this very concept of me and mine.

 

Indeed, this moment appears to be all there is,

but in diminishing the sense of time

rests moment's Eternity, that is,

if I psychologically doe to the partial me,

to that which ever seeks to flee the cross.

 

I'm so very tired of rinning,

so very tired of chasing shadows...

and getting chased by that great spook called satan.

 

Let him blow my house in!

Like the samurai said in old Japan,

"A man's fate is a man's fate, life is an illusion."

 

Indeed, this illusion appears to be all there is,

but in diminishing the ego lies moment's Eternity,

the Sole Reflector and Wholeness of humanity,

who waits for His temporal reflections to finally acknowledge

their Intuself, and by seeing thru the world at large,

to stop running from, and being intimidated by,

anyone or anything outside the Whole.

 

O my God,

Now everything seems so very Still...

and the Stillness Is the Whole of me;

I'm not running anymore!

 

 

 

By seeing (being aware) through one's own ego/personality/selfhood that all personality based (ego-centered) beliefs are, at their root, insubstantial. One may see this by living meditation: daily confronting, penetrating, understanding and resolving any attachment to and conflict with the subject matter (thought/emotion/action) that one experiences.

 

Thus by turning In and stilling (centering) the mind, paying constant attention to what is actually going on at this very moment (seeing it as it is), one will "open up" the ego/personality. And then, having dropped the preconception of a separate self, like a staring scope of spiritual discernment, one will receive penetrating insights into our innate Being. Character transformation follows automatically as one consciously discovers the self actually living/being what before the mind was only thinking.

 

Therefore one doesn't have to hold onto any beliefs (the past) per se...just live Life as Such is ever-present. Indeed, living is believing!

 

 

***an excerpt from my book The Heart Speaks

 

 

The quiet Life (Way) and Wisdom of God is soul-revealed in living meditation--just Being in mutual reception with the Divine. Thus do you who mind the ever-present, reflect a continual flowing but interchanging consciousness of self-sacrifice and constant devotion to Truth, Our Lord Within, at heart spiritualizing (making sacred) every activity mental and physical. O reader! see yourself as a living cross (Jesus) and subdue all things by (and through) yourself that each may be absorbed Whole in moment's Eternity, in the Death (Rest) and Resurrection of Our Life (Principality) Within you! Give up your own personality, the pretender or split-ego, with all its disparity, to the indwelling Light/universal Spirit of Christ that others may be so delivered.

 

***an article from my book Riding The Dragon, Living The Vision

 

 

In March 1972 the Presence of God came upon me through a series of spiritual visions, dreams, insights, raptures, voices and assorted psychic experiences. And though these specific (subjective) experiences have long since passed, the Presence has remained, and over time I have become aware of an interior Vision (Nonliteral Perspective) which Rests deep Within the psyche, and only reveals Ourself as a Whole when Larry (ego) has been forgotten.

 

Thus countless times over the years, usually when in a very receptive state of meditation, contemplation or upon waking early in the morning and just resting there, letting be, and, sometimes, even while dreaming, the Presence reveals through me the most marvelous insights into the human psyche and spirit. Yet it is the Presence, not me (as ego), who makes everything crystal clear to my mind, as to be transparent, filling my heart with understanding Awareness (Love of God).

 

For example, in one of the more significant dreams of March 1972, I was being married to the spirit of Christ (God). The spirit, being manifested in shadow-form as the body of Christ, was conveyed to me in the image of a woman dressed completely in white, symbolizing purity of heart. Jesus was there as best man, standing in front of God, who had no image (form). But it seemed to me that Jesus was an open portal representing Jehovah, the Godhead, whose Depth went into infinity.

 

I remember feeling great joy in what was taking place. The spirit of Christ was not somebody else, but my interior being. I knew for the first time in my life that we are spirit, and that all life was sacred. This may have been a dream...but what it was saying to me was more real than anything I had ever known before.

 

After taking our wedding vows, I kissed my new bride and instantaneously realized my head was open to the heavens! Energy just seemed to pour into me from everywhere! In my astonishment, Jesus stepped forward and handed me a wedding present. It was a holy book. In fact, too holy for me to hold onto, and it fell through my hands into a pit of vipers--breaking into countless pieces. I was paralyzed. But my new bride said: "Fear not"! And jumped into the pit totally unafraid. Then, without being harmed by any of the vipers, she retrieved every piece and handed them to me as I lifted her up out of the pit. Subsequently, she told me that she would help me put all the pieces back together again.

 

When I awoke the next morning there were two things I was immediately aware of: the Presence (Comforter) located in my forehead between the eyes and an overwhelming urge to write poetry. I quickly took pen to paper, and as I sat there without a clue as to what I would write, the poetry just poured out of me in a great rush of activity. But the verses came in pieces, much like a cosmic zigsaw puzzle. So, during the next nine months, under the guidance of the Presence, I continued to experience these creative rushes and penned the rough draft of The Heart Speaks (it would take 33 years to put all the pieces together).

 

Now a few days later, I was lying on my bed meditating on a point of light when suddenly the light, like the sun, began to descend! I was transfixed! As the sun came closer, it filled the room with light, almost blinding me. Yet the light was alive, and spoke to me: "I am in you and you are in me and we are one in spirit; we are Christ Jesus!" The interpretation of this was immediate: Christ meant God and Jesus mankind, and the name meant God in man. But the interior heat of this experience was too much for me to bear. I was greatly afraid I would perish, and cried out: "I can't take the heat! Draw back! It's too much!" Thus the sun began to ascend again, and I was relieved of the heart...but not of the message.

 

As many such insights have come to me in conscious streams of energy over the years, I have done my best to articulate them in my writing and conversation and in the manner in which I live my life on this planet. The spiritual path I follow has chosen me as much as I have chosen it. Such is my rationale for living, even for speaking out on the subject of our spirituality or universal Humanity (One Adam). I have been blessed by God, our innermost Being, and I know it. So I give my witness and let the cards (events) fall as they may; for I know from personal experience that the Love of God conquers all!

 

 

 

***a poem from my book Riding The Dragon, Living The Vision

 

I am spirit, full of light...

of light-conscious energy;

in living each day I take eternal delight,

in dying each day I walk the path of sublimity.

 

Each day looking into the mirror of the mind, into me,

I see my very image staring back:

a shadow-sensation full of intensity,

standing alone on the edge of time wearing a puzzled look.

 

Doesn't he know who I am?

That we are one and the same living energy?

That he has no thought in which I am not?

But apparently he doesn't know that!

 

Yet, this intensity appears to be looking back at himself,

but mentally he doesn't see me;

I am as close to him as his own life,

but still he doesn't breathe me.

 

O, if only this image would die to its own projection

that I might arise in his heart as our liberation;

I've been waiting for that so long, so very long...

to be reunited with my twin so he might know who I am!

 

O, when will he be still,

and turning Into me, first see our living light?

That we are spirit,

even now, One eternal delight?

 

Doesn't he know who I am?

That I ever wait for him to reach Into me?

That I reside in his heart?

But still, he keeps us apart!

 

Even so, in the stillness of mind,

through every thought

I speak softly to him in his heart

the Truth that transcends the world of man.

 

I am spirit calling out to the night:

"Arise, my love! Embrace me!

I am your life and you are my love

and we are reborn each day Into light-conscious energy!"

 

Life, death, life, death, we are in spirit One Adam,

one life-death, emotion-thought continuum;

in living each day we take eternal delight,

in dying each day we walk the path of sublimity.

 

Does he know me now?

That we are One and the same living energy,

light-conscious energy?

You tell me.

 

 

 

***an article from my book Riding The dragon, Living The Vision

 

 

As spirit, I am not the material body, the five physical senses, nor am I the mind, the personal thoughts that dwell there. I am not the form and I am not the self. I breathe the Space, and I am the Space, the Whole Consciousness. Thus my form is formless, myself selfless, my space the Totality of Being.

 

But I am also me the person, the vacuum in space. Nevertheless, whatever happens, whatever the experience, it is not about me, but about us, ourself as a Whole. For there is only the Space, the Essential Quality of our Being (Spirit) that Is what is: the Living Light (Soman) who Intuconsciously Streams in front of the mirror that is the universal Mind and casts our collective shadow-image (conceptualization)--but who is not the image--literally speaking. Such knows Who Is the Reflector and what the reflection is.

 

From the Nonliteral Perspective (interior Vision), the reflection in the mirror (duality/sensory perception/ego) is illusion, and by itself has no power, life or cause. Indeed, the very aspect of it is a split in consciousness or division in mind which, if seen only from the point of view of the reflection, leads to self-deception, that is, to seeing the space as outside consciousness (literal perspective), with solid bodies of matter spinning toward or away from each other. Thus does every shadow-mentality (ego-center) constantly spook itself with its own thought.

 

However, daily surrendering, opening, exposing myself to our innermost Being, I breathe the Space (Life) Within, and by the grace of God, see through my own thought into ourself as a Whole...and know it is not about me.

 

 

Recently my mother passed away. I was holding her hand when she breathed her last breath. And as I observed her grasping for breath at the end, it seemed to me like the whole struggle to survive, with all its desires, fears, insecurities, doubts, the entire vanity of life on earth had gone out of her, and in accepting the moment fully, a final peace and liberation had become her. Still, the emptiness and loss I felt at this moment pierced me emotionally to the core, yet there was also a beauty in her death. Her breath had left the body but now her spirit was free of the pain and suffering that marks our time in the body and as an ego/personality.

 

Even most Christians do not like to talk about this, but in the gospel story the man Jesus, when arrested by the Romans, does not attempt to escape capture. He puts up no struggle, blames no one for what is happening to him, and continues to live totally in the moment, as if this moment is all there is or ever will be. Accordingly, his ego may be arrested but his spirit remains free, having already died psychologically to the literal perspective (duality/sensory perception/ego). And nothing that happens on this earth can touch such pure Awareness (Intubeing) or overpower it: the spirit, like a current in the Ocean of Divine Breath, continues, as that Ocean which is Life in itself continues unimpeded by external events.

 

So the life that is my mother never really died, only her image (ego) and bodily form, as life in itself (spirit) remains free to return to the Source and Center of Being, ourself as a Whole (God). In death, then, there is Unity in all contrasts and opposites, behind and Within all that appears to the ego as positive or negative, as good or evil, as this or that. For though events seen by themselves may be maya (illusion), in seeing through the same with the Nonliteral Perspective, the underlying Unity remains Complete in itself, Being a Positive-Negative, Life-Death Continuum.

 

Now think about this: death appears to the ego as anti-life. Who, especially in being arrested and facing possible death, would not try to escape his fate? Would not struggle in order to survive? Indeed, even on their death bed, some will not accept what is happening to them. They may even curse God? But those who advance on the spiritual path do so to the degree that they have reached an understanding Awareness about the struggle of life, and no longer need to hold onto it. They can now accept this moment and enter fully into it, being right Here, right Now. Yet, for most of us, it is as if we spend our lives on this planet struggling to survive, until finally forced by death to give it up. But Jesus was not forced to give it up. He chose to give it up! He consciously chose, even before being arrested by the Romans, to surrender his ego to God, our innermost Being, and remain Free in relation to whatever the world brings to him.

 

At some point my mother had chosen to die, to surrender her image life and give up the struggle to survive. Many will see this as anti-life, and ask, why did she surrender? But I see in this an inner truth. Ego, by itself, can never know complete peace and liberation. But once ego/personality gives it up and selflessly Realizes the Unity (Nonego) behind and Within all events on this planet, then in death the spirit lives! Thus we may choose to die on the cross and image of life but live spiritually as Life in itself Lives Totally right Here, right Now! What is called Resurrection is simply the return to the Source of Who and what we really Are, to That which was never born and will never die, our innermost Being, Ourself as a Whole.

 

In death the spirit lives. Spiritually speaking, this may be a psychological death, as it was with the man Jesus. He consciously chose to accept this moment in its totality, to live life completely open and direct, without any thought of being separated from being right Here, right Now. Such is moment's Eternity, our true Intustate of Being. For in death ego is annihilated and Nonego, Intubeing Life in itself (ourself), remains that understanding Awareness and Unity which Lives behind and Within all thing-events.

 

 

 

 

***an excerpt from my book Riding The Dragon, Living The Vision

 

What is really going on with mankind? Of course, it is what has always been going on--the literal perspective. Where do you think all the guilt comes from? In the Bible it is referred to as the knowledge of good and evil. But what that means in actual terms (events) is duality, sensory perception and personality: in short, we as materialism/egoism (pride).

 

Spiritually speaking, this is our childhood. And, considering all the foolishness, not to mention, cruelty, that has been going on with us since the beginning of the human race, now it is time for mankind to grow up--to spiritually mature and selflessly Realize our Adulthood, that is, our Lord and Totality of Being. Such is the primary goal, actually the only goal, of life on earth: to know thyself...to just Be Ourself...to first See the Kingdom (Ground) of God (Intubeing) on earth as it is in Heaven. In this book Such is referred to as the Nonliteral Perspective.

 

The Nonliteral Perspective, Intubeing the Totality of Perception (Adulthood), Is Within us and Is Us, potentially. Such is not therefore anything supernatural (superstition), but That which Is most Natural and Spiritual, often referred to as God, and in his book, Ourself as a Whole. However, not until we understand the full relationship between the Nonliteral and the literal perspectives, mentally discriminating between Being and thinking, the Real and the unreal, the Totality (Nonego) and the partiality (ego), will we wed and resolve the contraries of our human nature, transcending both as conceptualization.

 

For in living Truth we are not just thinking truth, projecting an it (conceptualization): Here and Now are not outside of us--but the Nonthing-Event (Intuprocess) that Is Within us and Is Us--the pure Intelligence (Spirit) who, in giving rise to the conceptualization (Himself), always Sees (Lives) through it, returning, so to speak, Into Self, Intubeing the Nonessentiality (Nonliteral Persepective) that Is!

 

Therefore, all of the struggle, striving and suffering in mankind is bound up with our desire to become free of that which binds us. But we, as the literal perspective (childhood), are that which binds us! Thus it is not until we spiritually mature to the Christ point (Intustate) of selflessly Realizing that we Are already Free (Adulthood), in living Truth (Spirit), Being Freedom Ourself, that the goal (Soul Purpose), so-called, of life on earth, or anywhere else, is reached. Which is to say, by no longer desiring, needing to reach, We Are There (Liberation)! Thus it may be said: by surrendering to God (Totality of Being) the thought of being, we first See (Intusee) through ourself as the conceptualization (child) that there is only just Being (Adult)...Living the Life (Intuperception) and the Resurrection (Ourself as a Whole) right Here, right Now!

 

 

When someone says, "The world is mad", one's really talking about the human race, about us, in effect, saying, "we are mad!" But, of course, no one wants to admit this, that we are the problem, the only problem: that is to say, the world only mirrors us.

 

For example, if we see evil in another, is not that evil also in us? The image of it being in the mind a mirrored reflection of our own consciousness standing there in the guise of another? How else could we see it, the evil? And, more importantly, ever know it, not to mention, ever resolve it, if the evil is not in us as in the other?

 

We are the patterns of our behavior; maintaining these foundations is what forms our character. And because most of us take the physical body, with its self-centeredness (ego) to be the center of awareness, everything we do, think or feel this moment goes out from there; which is to say, it all starts with us...and returns to us by way of the other.

 

Indeed, from childhood we have reinforced these patterns and the character that has become us, both having been made instinctual, seemingly natural. But, in getting caught up in the conceptual sensation of this moment we don't see through that, as most of us only see the object image, thing-event before us--and believe it all starts from there. Thus if it's evil that we see, then the evil must be the other, but not me!

 

Our senses work fine, but they are partial, housed in the body/mind, and we remain blind to their entrapment, even to the conceptual sensation that we think of as us; and thus having become dependent on things "out there", we fail to recognize the hidden component of our own complicity in the matter.

 

Sometimes, it seems as if there's a demon in the air, or in us, who makes crazy things happen, as if to plague us or just frustrate us to the core. And we wish evermore he would just stop! And, of course, he will...as soon as we stop! Stop and be still, becoming totally aware of our own reflection (projection) in the mirror that's the other, and what it's doing to ourself, to our world; for it's not what happens in the world but how we respond in kind that reveals our own complicity in the matter.

 

So, if the present world is mad, and it is, it's because the pattern of our collective behavior is madness, perpetual madness, and like perpetual motion, will never cease...until we see through the demon (ego-satan) that's us, and becoming fully aware, resolve our own complicity in the matter.

 

 

The ultimate We Is the basic, pure Intelligence (Center/Ground of Awareness) that Nonexists (existence as a Whole) Before (through) duality, sensory perception and ego. Such just Is...Is the Totality of Being (Intubeing): the Form that is Formless, the Self that is Selfless, the Creator of the universe, yet who is not the universe, literally speaking. Therefore Suchness is not any man in the sky or projection/sensation of the mind--but mind, sound, light, space, consciousness (or whatever name you prefer) in Ourself as a Whole.

 

And Suchness Is what Suchness Sees/Lives/Breathes. Thus, as the ultimate Center of Being Is wholly Within ourself, to know Such is to enter fully Into Being, Into ourself as a Whole (understanding Awareness), and See/Live/Breathe Suchness through whatever is conceptualized and experienced. Therefore, Intubeing Rests Before both the mental and material conceptualization (form) of being, Before (through) the body/personality or ego, as Suchness remains Nonsensory (Nonego/Nonliteral Perspective). Suchness requires the individual psyche (soul) to give up the attachment to its own image life (separate existence) out of love for Such (God) that one may selflessly Realize (just Be) our innermost Being. This is the soul purpose for human existence: to know Who and what We Are.

 

The path is the Way of the cross: the cross is our own psyche, and the Way is right through the psyche (soul)! Thus we are the means and We Are the goal, so to speak. The beginning and the ending of all things. But the ultimate We Is even Before that.

 

So, by remaining literal-minded we can never really know Before that, but by living Jesus, that is, by consciously confronting, penetrating, understanding, and by that understanding (spiritual discernment), resolving our psyches of their attachment to and conflict with any thing-event of the day, we may fulfill the Way through our own individual existences on this earth. Therefore the true gospel is a living gospel, not a particular historical event (or information) happening only to a particular person in the past. Living (Christ) Jesus, the Principal of Life (the Word/Son of God), is potentially In (through) each one of us, and Is Ourself as a Whole!