Remembering the victims, families, and military of 9/11/01.

I felt it appropriate on this day of rememberance to remember and Thank the victims, families, and military for their sacrifices,heroism, and acts of selfless compassion on that fateful day. 

I remember coming out of my home office, and NOT hearing the cartoons my then,  5 year old daughter was watching on the TV, but instead asking "Norma Jean what are you watching?"  It sounded like a war movie.  I ran down the hall to see the plane hit the first tower, then, while flipping through the channels to find something more apprpriate, I realized: THIS IS REAL!  I had been lulled into a false sense of security.  I had always believed HORRORS like this happen anywhere--NOT ON AMERICAN SOIL.  I never believed it possible for America to be attacked, REALITY IS: WE CAN BE . 

I will try to make this short and sweet, as I can be very opinionated.  I want to send my THANK YOU's and PRAYERS, and BLESSINGS to ALL who were in ANY WAY, SMALL OR LARGE, involved in that fateful day.  My prayers today will be with all of you and your families and friends.

My hope today is that we all have learned to be much more tolerant and accepting of those whose color, race, religion, origin, or whatever else differ from ourselves.

BLESSINGS TO ALL TODAY

My journey back to myself:  This will be the first of many parts, as this has been a long, treacherous journey, with many confusing parts.  I will start by sharing my Journey back from drugs, as that is almost complete.

I started on the drugs (meth, and marijuana) back in 1986, after a rape, to try to conceal my pain, both emotional and mental.  The physicial pain went away, but the rest was not leaving, so I did what so many from my generation did, turned to drugs.  These did seem to help, some, as I lived by the philosophy of "If I didn't feel it, it didn't happen."  I will give a major warning to anyone considering this as a life phiosophy right here, right now.  THIS IS A VERY DANGEROUS PHILOSOPHY TO LIVE BY!!  It nearly killed me in multiple ways, as you will learn as you read the following journal posts, this philosophy  was used in all aspects of my life, which ultimately continued abuse to me, which continued my drug problem. 

My meth problem continued until 1999, when I did a line of crank with a friend, who died during the crash.  I realized about 1 week later, that could just as easily have been me!  OMG!  What am I going to do?  This is what went through my head.  I realized, since I had quit 1 time before, with the help of a psychiatrist, so the state wouldn't take my baby, this was a reasonable solution to my problem.  How?  I can't go to yet another psychiatrist, I'll look crazy.  I can't have that.  I'm already being accused of THAT!  I just lost my dealer's #, that was helpful.  I was scared, that was helpful.  About that time, my daughter was invited to church (we didn't go to church) by a friend from school.  I told her I needed to meet the child, and her parents.  I let her go, and soon found myself going as well.  This kept me distracted from the craziness that comes with withdrawls.  In that church was a councelor, 2 drug rehab center counselors, and many good friends, all of whome helped me through.

As soon as I started to enjoy going to church and prayer meetings, my husband (at the time) forbade me to go any longer (this is called spiritual abuse).  I was forced to quit.  My meth problem stayed at bay, as I had learned how to pray and meditate (my prayers and meditations changed).  While I was a part of that church, yoga, insence, oils, etc. were forbidden methods of meditation, but helped me.  I continued to use them, even to this day.

These helped me, and I hope this part of my story helps you.

Hi.

I just wanted to share with you a of wisdom that I have learned over the years.

I had to learn this wisdom through many trials, life tragedies, and abuses, I pray it  will help at least one of you through a tough, challenging time in your life.

The wisdom I have learned is:

Your weaknesses can be your Blessings.

Let me explain:  If you are a recovering drug addict (like me), you can use your experience, and story to help another.  If you or one of your family has faught with a disease, you can use that to help someone else who is struggling with a same or similar condition.

G_D Bless You, and Have a Blessed Day!! :)