Read, get set and Goooo....

    Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 2:33 PM [General]

    Packing for the hospital, is like going on vacation. You need to make sure the pets are set, the kids are set, the laundry is done, their are list of who to call and what needs to be done...Lists of numbers, places, and who to call after the "big event". I am not really scared about the surgery, I am more scared of how long I have had cancer, months, several months, years?????? Will I have a stage 1(i hope, i hope)What will they find? I will not miss my Uterus, even though it did produce 3 wonderful kids, though 5 grew in my heart, I will not miss the monthly visits.....I am not looking forward to slowing down, but I think God wants that to happen. I am not looking forward to the hospital food,(so those of you who come to visit PLEASE smuggle some in!!!) I AM looking fowrard to healing, God's miracle in my life, the love and support of my family and friends. Meals served in bed......and some peace and quiet ( I love you kids, but I really am in need of some ME time...) Ok I am racked, ready to go, taking the kids tonight to the places of comfort for them, will have a nice quiet dinner with Frank, and then tommorrow the event begins.........

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    In the midst of it all

    Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 2:32 PM [General]

    Sometime when you think it should be all about you, you get reminded that others around you have things happen in their lives. I had one of those moments. Jonathan, my son, had a reaction to medication, which left him with neurological conditions, contorted body. His neck not balanced, his jaw and speech slured, very scary. It was so hard to believe this was real, and that he was not pretending. That took us to the hospital by ambulance. The amazing things, God placed Paul the paramedic in our path. His amazing way with my son, his love of the Lord shone through. Newly married, with a great future ahead of him, and low and behold, his mom had Uterine Cancer surgery last year, and he was so kind, supportive, and told Jonathan he knew how he felt as his mom had to undergo surgery like me. How awesome to have a man in our path that God sent of be a inspiration to my son, and a validation to me that God is real and ever present in this road I am traveling. Thank you Paul for being with us tonight....Awesome Godly man, and will be a great fireman.....

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    Friendships

    Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 2:31 PM [General]

    Glad I have some of these. It makes all of this so much sweeter to have someone else worry for you..I have been fortunate to have wonderful friends, some for a short time and some for a very long time. Linny...52 years is a very lomg time to have someone be by your side in thick and thin. We have all of each others childhood engraved in our brains. We cut out kids from Sears catalog, and dreamed of one day being a mom to them all. We played marrying the Beatles, bomb shelter, matrons and a lifetime of childhood joy that most kids never have, Her mom and my mom, still the "moms of all moms"...we have cried together, became moms together, and now grandmas together. I love this woman like my own sister......Susie when God was designing my friends how blessed am I He gave me you. When I adopted my daughter Zoe, not only did she get the grandma of a lifetime, I got her as my closest and dearest freind. I have talked to this woman, no less than 3 times a day all hours. I have been given the privilege of sharing her happiest and saddest moments of life. She is a sister of the spirit, and a sister in my heart. I love this woman and am so blessed to be her friend. Dale is a friend of about 31 years. I am sad I do not see her like in the past several years , her job, and my life changes have kept us from seeing each other, but I know she is thinking of me. We have shared many moments together, and I am proud to say that our son Chris has her middle name, because she is deserving of being honored in our family. She is a friend you can count on, will be there for you, and is the most honest and caring person I know...Sheryl is a cancer survivor. She gives me hope and inpiration. Even when I haven't be in contact with her for awhile, she always connects with me. She will be there at the hospital for me (not only because she works there) she always is there for me. I have met alot of people in my life, and I am blessed that she is on my friendship list. I have many more of you who I know I can count on and are also my friends. These four I just wanted to mention, because I wanted them to know how much I love them and am so glad they are in my life.....

     
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    How Blessed am I?

    Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 2:30 PM [General]

    I have 8 great kids, but how blessed am I to have so many more. Blessings have come here form all over the world. Kids who became apart of our family. One we are proud to say is now our daughter, married our son, and the mother of my beautiful grandaughter Amika Ann (the Ann after me). Mariana,Gabi,Pam,Debbie, really captured our hearts. We feel we have daughters all over the world. I never knew you could love somebody else's child from another country, another culture as much as we have. These kids truly have become apart of our family. We see some more than others, and feel that all are apart of this family, and welcome home anytime....Love is a powerful thing. It take communication, and understanding....and the willingness to have a open mind and a open heart....I love all of you, who love us from all over the world....(and your parents too!!!!)

     
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    KIDS

    Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 2:28 PM [General]

    Here it is one week from today that I will be in the hospital. My surgery will be over, and I will be recoping and waiting to go home. Then there are the kids, and grandkids. You know mine come in all shapes, sizes, personalities, and yes even colors. I have one so stubborn he would sit in time out until Christmas before he would apologize and say sorry. I have another one so sincere and sensitive that you I wonder how we got so lucky. Then there is one who makes me cards and cards, and more cards, and is the most artistic, and verbal. Then one who always hugs, and one who never stops talking ever, and trys so hard to be excepted. There is one who I can talk to deep with, about the universe, life, and politics. Another has the heart of gold, is a care giver, and is trying to be who they want to be, even though they are grown. Then there is my organizer, healthy living, responsible one. Kids, no two are alike, they all have there place in the family but also in my heart......I am so glad to be a mom to all eight, We are a family by design. I used to cut out kids from the Sears catalog, and imagine my large family. I had wanted 12 kids, but I was only 10.....I learned alot about being a mom by my mom. I have had ups and downs in the mom department, but when the day is done, how lucky am I to have all of this love....

     
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    A God Wink moment......

    Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 12:54 AM [General]

    If you ever had one of those moments when you saw God at work, today was one of those days.....This is how it went.....First I went back to the beach where I had my "Epiphany" moment a few weeks ago.  There upon my arrival, were 2 women going for a walk on the beach, said hello, and we both admired how the beach was inspiring.  One of the women, was bald from her chemo treatments.   That was a jolt....As I walked the beach I was amazed at the rocks once again, and took photos to capture it...Picked my favorites, and they became my "cancer stones" to give me strength, courage, and to remember the moment.   The day progressed, saw that there was a large conference in San Diego, and low and behold, it was a Cancer Research conference...ho but it gets better.  While waiting to board the train in San Diego to go home, I met a lovely women in line, began chatting, she was at the conference.  We get on the train, I share my Cancer story, my family, my life, and God decided to sit me next to a Oncologist.....the nicest one I have ever met.  She was encouraging, and gave me her email to keep in touch.......then we discovered she was on the wrong train, our train was stopping there, but she was on the WRONG train.  Thank you God.....As she left, she smiled touched my hand and said this was a "God Wink" moment.........it was..............
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    My Epiphany

    Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 12:37 AM [General]

    If your lucky, you have that defining moment in your life, where things make sense, and become perfectly clear.  About a month ago I went to the beach by my daughter in San Diego, to walk and have a moment with GOD alone.  This was before my cancer diagnosis. While walking I began to notice all of the rocks in the sand, all different sizes, and colors, and by each wave that went over them, them were constantly becoming more round, more perfect.  I got to thinking, that those rocks, are like our lives.  Constantly being formed  by God, as He was the waves, that as each one came, it was the good and the bad of our lives that make us more rounded, more perfect if we let God's wave wash over us. It was one of those cry your eyes out moments, that will forever stick with me...........

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    Refresh and refuel......

    Sunday, April 13, 2008, 1:23 PM [General]

    This weekend I had a chance to get away with my 4 daughters, 2 granddaughters and my one year old grandson.  We had a busy day at Sea World...tiring but fun, and yesterday I had a chance to get a pedicure, get some great new books, one on olive oil, and "crazy cancer tips"great reading.  It is amazing that I feel so similar to other cancer survivors.  Yesterday, while babysitting my grandson, while everyone else was gone, he got a little fussy and I got to rock him.  I found myself singing to him, and then became overwhelming emotional.  I began to cry.  Will I see this baby, whom I adore so much, become a man?   If I were to die would he remember me?  That is when I decided that it is most important to create memories in a book.  Not for the doom and gloom of it,  to just have for all of them when I am 108 and die...if I am so lucky.   but to just have for them.  I also found the neatest postcards for grand-kids.  Decided to address them, and stamp them, and instruct my husband to send them out while I am recouping.  Want them to know I miss them.  I will not see them as much when I am in the healing stage. Today I feel freshed and refuled, and will walk the beach tommorrow for some alone time with God.....

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    Ready, Set and get ready to go....

    Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 11:29 PM [General]

    Today I saw the doctor.  Prayer is working, and the news is good, not in my breast,chest,ovaries, or cervix.  Waiting on the colon.......My surgery is set for April 23rd...I will be in surgery for 2-3 hours, they will stage my cancer, and then they will removed everything (uterus,ovaries,cervix,fallopian tubes), and then send it to the pathologist and then stage my cancer.  1 being the best, and then the higher the stage the more treatment needed.  Praying for a 1..........I will be in the hospital for 4 to 5 days and will have a rough first 24 hours, will get a morphine drip for pain, and then..........Healing...God will heal....My daughter  (the oldest) is amazingly strong.  It was really nice for someone to take charge, ask questions and manage me when I was in a fog.  She asked to stay and take care of me the first night...My daughter wants to take care of ME!!!!!  How blessed is that.  This is a daughter who I always knew was the nurturer.  This daughter is one who I have had past adversity with, and GOD has mended our relationship, and now she is my right hand....She is holding it......My other daughter has alwasy been my mentor.  The person who I could go to for advice  who the day after I was diagnosed, I woke up to roses on my front porch, and she lives a good 1 1/2 hours from me.   She is the one I cried uncontrollable to .  These girls, my two oldest daughters..  How can a mother express how blessed they are, and to see them be the mothers they are?....Thank you GOD....

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    "How are you, really?"

    Tuesday, April 8, 2008, 11:10 PM [General]

    It is very interesting to have people you know, that heard, come up to you and ask "How are you, really?"  I really am a) not sure, b) fine, c) not sure if I am going to die, but not this week, d) your need to know is? e) just like yesterday, f) thanks for asking, and caring, taking it one day at a time.  Seems like I  have "she has cancer" written on my forehead. It really is nice to have people care. It is interesting that all of a sudden you have a special weapon, the "C" card.  Yesterday I had a great day playing monopoly, and when I was losing, I said to my daughters, ok remember, I am losing and I have cancer. The looked at me so seriously, and started hysterically laughing.  Or the kids where running through the house being loud and noisy, I said with a smile, OK kids, stop it, remember your mom has cancer.  Everyone started to laugh.  Ok today my Internet went out, and I spent over a hour on the phone with the tech, and I found myself saying, you know I really need this fixed, I have cancer, and this is taking up my energy.  Ok humor, that is what I think is needed.  I can't change it, even though I don't want it.  I would rather have had this next month, but this is the month God chose, so just deal with it.  I want the surgery NOW, but God has lesson's for me the next two weeks.  Tomorrow I see the doctor.  Will find out if it is in my chest breast, and other hiding places.  Would love to hear all good news tomorrow.  God you are one of infinite wisdom.....Make this as easy as it can be.........
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