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Ask yourself why God created mankind??? Did God create us humans for no purpose other than just to live here on earth and do our own thing? Just something to think about. We Muslims believe and are told in the Qur'an that the only reason for our creation is to worship God and only Him alone.
When I walked away from Christianity, I doubted God as well. It took some unusual spiritual experiences to wake me up. God is more than any religion. Human beings have been fooled into believing God is less than who God is. We are completely, perfectly loved!
The best book on the subject is Embraced by The Light by Betty Jean Eadie. She is one half Lakota Sioux and one half Scotch Irish. My Mom has Cherokee and Choctaw ancestry.My Mom is a professing Christian but her spiritual experiences sound a lot like yours. She lost a Brother to a ruptured appendics when he was age 13. He told her of visions he was seeing before he passed on. She has had a lot of visions about us boys when we were younger. There is a lot more out there than what we hear in the traditional church. If you haven't read Betty Eadies book it is well worth the paperback price of 5.00. You will probably have to order it off her web site. It was on the New York times best sellers list for some time. The Christians were upset with her because she sounded New Age. Th New Agers were upset because she sounded to Christian. Basically she just tells of her near Death and out of body experiences. Good Luck on your quest for knowledge.