This morning I did a guided meditation by Bodhipaksa titled The Metta Bhavana (Development of lovingkindness). It has 5 stages. First, you wish yourself well by saying: May I be well. May I be happy. May I be free from suffering. Next, you wish a friend or someone you care about well by saying: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be free from suffering. I thought of my husband for this one. Then you chose a neutral person. I chose her husband. And wished him well. After that, you choose a person with whom you have difficulty. I chose her, and I said: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be free from suffering. I ended by wishing all 4 of us well and then spreading that well-wishing outward from me in ever widening circles until I wished well to all sentient beings.
I felt better when I was done. I am feeling more peace. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm feeling a lot better than I was a few days ago. There is still a touch of sadness. There are still times when I want to cry, but I just say: I forgive you and I love you until the hurt is gone and I feel love again.
I tried to send her an email yesterday, telling her that I forgave her and that I wished her well, but she had closed that account, so it bounced back. That's ok. I did it more for me than her, anyway, so that I could move on. My intention is there.
Last night, my husband told me that she emailed him, asking if I would tell her husband. He told her no. He told me that seeing that email made him feel physically ill. He certainly looked it when he came home from work last night. He tried to send her another email telling her that we were trying to fix things and that she shouldn't contact him again, but by then she had already closed the account and it bounced back. I told him of the email I had tried to send also.
I must admit that there was a part of me that felt glad that she was scared and hoped she felt bad, but then I had to stop and say, I forgive you and I wish you well. Everyone needs love. I forgive and it helps me feel better.