Just a few minutes ago I sent my 9 year old and 3 year old adopted boys off with their GJ(Grandmother) for a visit with their biologicial Mother.  The 9 year old is my son's(deceased) son the 3 year old is his brother, their birth Mom is locked up in State rehab.  I'm so happy for her to get to see them but at the same time I am having a hard time explaining to the 3 year old who she is.  The 9 year old knows that she is his Mother and that I'm his Grandmother but he calls me Mom and I have had him for over 2 1/2 years, the 3 year old only knows me as his Mommy I have had him since he was 7 months.  All day I have been preparing him for going to see Heather but he keeps asking me why? I asked him didn't he like her and don't you want to spend some time with GJ and he said yes but why are we seeing Heather.  I have never planned to keep the truth of who his birth parents are but at what age do you say that's your Mom and I'm your adopted Mom?  I don't want to confuse him and I realize when she is out of rehab that the subject is going to come up more often, she is my daughter-in-law and I love her very much.  The fact is that he is my son I adopted him and we(my husband and I) did all that CPS asked us to do and spent 14,000 dollars to keep them out of the states system all the while she used drugs and fluffed it all off like it wasn't real.  The oldest has been through so much with his Daddy(my son's death) and then losing his Mom, I just want to spare the baby all the pain that I can.  Anyone have any insite on this matter I would love to hear it!  Thanks in advance for any help.