As I grew sometimes the thought WHY came into play, why me why us?  In 81 I had my second child a girl and she never came home from the hospital.  Six weeks of a roller coaster life and then...why, how could this happen to me.  Is God punishing me for something?  I stayed in my faith for awhile but ended up turning away feeling like God wasn't with me anymore.  Years passed and I had two more boys then my oldest sister died in a car accident in 88.  I started to feel like the answers were not what I needed but Gods silent words were.  I started to read his word but I didn't live in it.  If I didn't go to worship I would send my children with my Mother.  In 99 my life fell apart again my third child a boy 16 had missed the bus and had walked 2 blocks to the main road at the front of our subdivision and as a man came over on the shoulder to pass a turning truck he hit my son.  My son was declared brain dead and we donated his organs.  My cries to God were WHY,WHY,why me?  How could this be happening to me AGAIN?  What could I do?  how could I go on?  I won't lie I fell apart for a while, then I started to realize what I had not only what I had lost.  My children the ones who were alive.  I had two older boys and twins that were only two at this time.  I was at the store with my son who was 11 and someone came up to me and said your Randy's mom aren't you and I said yes.  They told me a story about how my son had touched their life, after we left my son says to me"Your my Mom too".  I realized that day that I needed to be everything that I was before for my children who were alive now.  I pulled myself up and forced myself to have fun to enjoy my life.  You know fake it until you make it.  In 2004 my oldest son died in a car accident forever changing me again.  My son who was 11 was now 16 and someone said to him "Your Moms that woman who buries her children" and "Wonder what God is punishing her for"this caused my son so much pain.  God is good and great and he isn't punishing me or my children He is fulfilling his wish for me!  My gift my talent from him to show others that Faith,Hope and Love can get you through anything.  I have faith that they are with God, I have hope that someday I will see them again and I love my God my life and my family and No tragic event is going to change that!  So as I walk with death so close but My God is holding my hand...AMEN