I am writing this, for my sake. I dont know if anyone will read it, or will understand what they are reading. Its more for my understanding and expression, as is all that I write and feel. I usually write because I am filled with love for Christ/God. And to express that for me, is how I see my purpose in Him. Today I am writing as a healing of a wound. A wound I would have never felt, would end up with a lack of feeling.     

My husband passed this past April 15th. After fighting a long battle for which he didnt want to give up his life. He suffered more than I believe he should have, due in part, because of iron will, to live. I dont think in the end, he had ever considered what was meant by " the quality of life"? Because he was willing to continue, even when his quality of life, rendered him worse than helpless.

I am grateful that he's no longer in pain. For we both shared in the torture of him wanting to come home, without the ability to do so. For me it was torture, because we had always said we would perfer to pass at home. I realize now it was only me, who felt that way. He was willing to do whatever it took, to keep himself alive, even if those measures, to me, seemed at times, inhuman.

So after 50 years with the same man, I would have thought there would be much to remember. What I found was, this man who I loved, loved his body more. And what I think has  happened to me is, that I realize much of our life together was filled with his illnesses. Illnesses that may have made him believe, more in his doctors being god, than in his GOD? After all, he too was a body worker. So it must be even harder to believe in God at the helm, more than in the doctors we all in a way believe are gods!   

What I realized is, that no matter how great the doctor, they cant give you your last breath. Only God can do that for you. And that no matter how hard you fight for life, if it is your time to go, it would be easier for all concerned , if your loved one could " let go and let God".

If not for my love of Christ, at this time, I believe I would feel much differently than I do. What would I have felt now, had I not been alive in Christ? What would I feel, had not Christ lived within my being, filling me with all the love one could need?           Would I have felt differently regarding this man, who took up so much of my love, life and time? I can only suppose I would have felt differently, had Christ not been here, to fill what would have been felt as a gapping hole, a terrible void.

 But all I can say is, that I no longer feel pain. I am at peace, and am eternally grateful, to Christ/God, who has removed my personal pain, and instead replaced it with the strength of His Love.   

Today I sincerely pray for a man of God, who has enriched so many with his own love of God, yet had no power over the mental illness his child suffered from.

I believe, there is purpose to ever life, and as our government deliberates over the use of    guns. Another example has been given us, by what has happened to this high profile family. That of Rick Warren and his wife.

Maybe its time to stop being concerned about what we cant control, and begin to look to what we can. All we can do is become better people ourselves. We cant control the world, or what we percieve as its injustices. We cant cure those whose mental state is beyond our control, but we can accept with love and compassion an illness that usually is kept quite or shunned by those families who have a member bareing that burden.

There is no greater hell, than feeling separate from the stability of Christ/God.

So today I ask Gods help in surrounding Rick Warrens family with the Grace he has given so many others, yet was denied his son. And I pray that we as a people care more for those who are carring that burden, while we acknowledge ..there by the Grace of God go I.

I was taken out of that state by Gods hand, at a time when I had lost all faith. I know now, my purpose in Him was better served by Him allowing me this experience. I know it had nothing to do with me but all to do with Gods purpose for me. I am, and forever eternally grateful for my salvation by His Him. And because I have felt the horror of mental separation from God, I can ask others to be compassionate to those in whose shoes you would not wish to walk, by constantly Thanking God, for your own purpose in Him.

What does it mean to live in Christs likeness? In the broadest terms it means we are to love one another, as Christ has loved. We all know that at times can be hard enough, especially when those we are supposed to love, ignore our outreach of love, or are even worse dont even see it. We were made to love one another. But liking one another at times, can even be the harder job.

Many of todays Christians have been co -opted by the word "service", as if that is all that is expected of us , to do Gods work. We can be overwhelmed by all that is needed to heal the earth. And as I see it, if Christ couldnt get all those on earth, on board with His principles of love and life, while He was walking on it, who are we to believe we can do more ourselves?

But just as I said that , I heard His words,"You can do all this and more". But can we? Is it our job to heal the earth, or to look to the likeness in us, that will lead us to Heaven? After all, wasnt that His purpose for coming to the earth?

I believe it is the latter. I believe my purpose is not to want to embrace the world with love, but to be the kind of person who would be able to learn to love those around me. And more than that, to forge my being into the likeness of the Beloved.

One love requires an outward view, the other and inward one. I have always believed the true path to Christ was where He said His Kingdom lives..within us. Where He said, He has written on our hearts and on our minds.. And what would a genuine response to our heart and mind be, if not a listening to God who wants us to become His Word, through our inner character.   

How else can we truly love God, if not devoting ourselves to living in His good character? If not to use our good conscience? Not as a tool to shrink us in blame or make us feel lesser than who we are. But to learn to become responsible in how we live in His truth. Living a life in complete TRUTH, is even harder than living a life of Love. Thats why Christ gave us the second rule to follow, He was well aware that to love God with all your heart, mind and soul, requires complete truth!

But we have many who have done so. The only choice we have is to make our life one of service to His Truth or to the outward looking service to others. One will serve God, by learning to accept those who may not ever be quite acceptable. Or to give oneselve completely to learning how to let GOD teach us, how we are to become, in order to fully be devoted to Him ...as the focus of all we need and or want...Him as our Beloved.  

As someone who has lived far too long, with those whom I loved having illness always playing a role in my life, I believe I can say...that illness can either draw one closer to God, or call us away.

Prayer for those we love, is of course a way of keeping the person whose ill, in our thoughts and good will for their hopeful recovery. But for those who are the care takers, a person who is in constant need of attention because of thier ills,can take us away from our God, in the constant need of the other.

Today, I choose to keep my thoughts on Christ/God. Today as another crisis has been presented to me, I choose to focus more on Him, than on the illness which seems to constantly draw me to attend to it. Knowing full well, there is nothing I can do, to heal or help. Knowing full well , that all the care is being given the person who is in need of His healing. And that this time is better spent on keeping my thoughts on the only person who can truly give anyone their daily life!

So today, I will give all my thoughts to Christ. I will seek His counsel, rather than rush to a place where all I will see, is a bed and my loved one in it. Instead, I will look to my God, as those around him are doing what they are trained to do. To help God heal his body. I will write these words, rather than focus on what I can not do, to help him regain his strength. And as those in whose charge it is to care for his well being while he again needs tests taken to determine what it is that is expressing itself, in his constant need for suffering..I will seek Christs mercy, for him. I will ask that whatever it is, that my loved one needs to learn during this time, he can learn with less pain and physical suffering. I will seek Christs help to understand that God doesnt give us suffering, it is our separation from him, that does. And with this understanding, I will pray today, that my loved one , lean on Christ for all he needs to understand. So that his illnesses will no longer be needed for him to grow greater in his understanding of Gods purpose in him.

We are indeed creatures of habit. I am a nester at heart. Change is always happening around me, but my nest is secure in His Heart.

So today when I was able to get back onto Belief-net, I felt as if I was indeed, again Home.

I have been writing my thoughts and feelings regarding my relationship with my God/Christ, for more years now than I can even remember. All I know is , that when I write HERE, it does in a way, feel like home.

The illness of a loved one, took me away from here , so that I could give him the needed attention required, to help him hold onto He in whose life, we all commend our spirit too.

He still has a way to go, but he is closer to home, than he had been two months ago.

So thank all who prayed us through the darkness of  the valley of death, for he indeed was at deaths door.

All Glory to He who continues to give us life, for His purpose in us..so that we in our marriage can grow closer in understanding Christ as the Beloved. For without Christ as the center of all our lives, we will never have the fulfillment our Souls need to experience, as the purpose of our being..

Thank you who knew and prayed, and all who love to speak here about Christ, even if no one ever reads your words...    

This is the poem written by Richard Blanco for President Obamas 2013 Inaugural.

                                        " One Today"

One sun rose onus today, kindled over our shores,peeking over the Smokies,               greeting the faces of the Great Lakes,spreading a simple truth across the Great Plains, then charging across the Rockies.

One light, waking up rooftops, under each one , a story told byour silent gestures moving behind windows. My face, your face, millions of faces in morning's mirrors, each one yawing to life, crescedoing into our day: pencil-yellow school buses, the rhythm of traffic lights, fruit stands:apples, limes nd oranges arrayed like rainbows begging your praise.   Silver trucs heavy with oil or paper-bricks or milk, teeming over highways alongside us, on our way to clean tables read ledgers, or save lives- to teach geometry, or ring-up groceries as my mother did for twenty years, so I could write this poem.

All of us as vital as the one light we move through,the same light on blackboards with lessons for the day:equations to solve, history to question, or atoms imagined, the"I have a dream" we keep dreaming, or the impossible vocabulary of sorrow that won't explain the empty desks of twenty children marked absent today, and forever. Many prayers , but one light breathing color into stained glass windows, life into the faces of bronze statues, warmth onto steps of our museums and park benches as mothers watch children slide into the day.

One ground. Our ground, rooting us to every stalk of corn, every head of wheat sown by sweat and hands, hands gleaning coal or planting windmills in deserts and hilltops that keep us warm, hands digging treanches,routing pipes and cables, worn as my father's cutting sugarcane so my brother and I could have books and shoes. 

The dust of farms and deserts, cities and plains mingled by one wind- our breath. Breathe. Hear it through the day's gorgeous din of honking cabs, buses lauching down avenues, the symphony of footsteps,guitars, and screeching subways, the unexcpected song bird on your clothes line.

Hear:squeaking playgrounds swings, trains whistling, or whispers across cafe' tables, Hear:the doors we open for each other all day, saying: hello,shalom,buon giorno,howdy, namaste, or buenos dias in the language my mother taught me -in every language spoken into one wind carrying our lives without prejudice as these words break from my lips.

One sky:since the Applachians and Sierras claimed their majesty, and the Mississipi and Colorado worked their way to the sea. Thank the work of our hands: weaving steel into bridges, finishing one more report for the boss on time, stitching another wound or uniform, the first brush stroke on a portrait, or the last floor on the Freedom Tower jutting into a sky that yields to our resilience.

One sky, toward which we somtimes life our eyes tired form work:some days guessing at the weather of our lives, some days giving thanks for a love that loves you back, sometimes praising a mother who knew how to give, or forgiving a father who couldnt give what you wanted.

We head home: through the gloss of rain or weight of snow, or the plum blush of dusk, but always-home,always under one sky, our sky. And always one moon like a silent drum tapping on every rooftop and every window , of one country-all of us-facing the stars

hope-a new constellation

waiting for us to map it, waiting for us to name it-together.     

A beautiful poem that deserved being shared. And as much as I appreciate it, I found something missing. Somthing that was also missing in President Obamas first poets work, who wrote "Praise Song for the Day". Both poems are focused on the ground.  A view of America from the ground, with moments that refer to the wind and the sky. And as beautiful as it is...it seemed to leave what created the heavens, the wind and the sky..unspoken., as if a momentary glance upward, equals that of all that has been given us...so much more, than just what we do ,here on earth.

There is a difference in being seen as a character, and being a man OF CHARACTER.

We see characters on TV everyday. Honey Boo Boo is a character. Should we follow her to find our God?

 There are regular people who play characters in movies and TV. We call these people "stars", we have given these talented men, a name that aligns them to elements that illuminate the darkness of night. Are they themselves really who they claim to be? Are they the same as the characters they play, in their own lives? Are they too people we should follow, because we have named them "stars?"

A man of good character, is of God. His character is filled with purpose. With virtues he has developed because of his willingness to seek to be in truth, the likness of Christ.

A character, is not the same as being a person of character. A character is an actor whose personality was formed to fit into the world. It is ones ego, ones mask, the face we show the world.A face that may change, when he goes home and closes the door.

The difference between a man of good character and the fool is, one needs the worlds attention...the other lives soley in the good character of the Christ. 

“Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:21

Why is it we waste so much time, in vain attempts at understanding Christs words?     We waste time in believing we will be judged, when it is we who are doing the judging. Is it not what a man says that tells you what he believes?

 Remember Christ told us, it is not our place to judge another. And those who truly believe in Christs word, know full well, we place more judgement on others, than see if we do the very thing ourselves?

Judgement on a man, will be no different than the judgement he placed on himself. And it is that judgement, which will be what separates ourselves from Him. Judgement of others, leaves when we choose to change what we see, to decernment. Awareness that man is seeking His perfection, with the time released understanding of his God.  

All everyman needs to know , and focus on is, where he places his treasure?         

Do you choose to seek fulfillment with that which is seen as material treasures of the earth? Or are you a man who seeks the virtue of God, as your goal? Are you a man who loves life so, that your heart is open to all who seeks entry? Isnt that too, a Godly goal?

Or are you a man, who gets his heart tested, to insure its a healthy as it can be. Yet are you that same man, who never tested the health of your hearts capacity to love? Are you more concerned with the beating of that muscle, than working on its full capacity to LOVE!

 Without Christ, we are 100% less, than who we were meant to be. Without the Love of God, we will bring anger to the very people we say we love. Without the treasure of Christ in our heart, we have not yet learned what it is to LOVE. Without Christ, men seek to buy coins to fill their bank accounts with gold. But with Christs love in our heart...we have treasure beyond any price man can afford!!

Our Government asks us every election, what kind of people do we want to be?

And for the next few years, the values the earth believed is of importance, becomes the political agenda of the time.

As individuals, we also ask a similar question? What is the purpose of my life?

Governments choice of values, can never reflect the values of the whole. Therefore it becomes easy for us to see, they are the values chosen by men, and can be bias, and even at times, against the values given us by God. Yet they are done, with all good intentions, as they progress ,(not aways in the right direction, towards God) but towards what the world believes are the needs of men.

What we have done, is to allow government to do our work for us. To love ones neighbor, now doesnt need to include our neighbor next door. Nor our parents, or our workers, or our fellow man. We can ignore them, not even know their names, but we are forgiven, because we can vote, in the way we wish to treat them!

 No longer does love thy neighbor, need to be applied from an inner perspective. Or as something that requires a change of character by the individual. And because we have lost that purpose, we can see its results on any politica partisan blog. The government in time of our choosing which values we want written into law. Uses the very tactics no man would, had he truly be a man of value! No man who claims to love his neighbor would stir up such hate, to than say, its all for our common good?

 Somehow we allow ourselves to show the worst part of ourselves, to then say we want the best for our people?  And as these same politicans write laws, to abandon HATE SPEACH, they use the very thing, they want us not to do! 

What I have come to realizs is, that "winning" an election means is that the winning party in power can now enforce the values they want enforced, down the throat of the losing side!

And this is done in the name of loving ones neighbor!

Government does do some good. But because it has the right to enforcement, it can never do in TRUTH the work GOD asks. The difference between the good done on earth, and the good expected by GOD from men to reach Heaven, is never on His part an enforcement of power. The good that is GODS, is given to each man, as his good character. It asks each man to live in truth, the mind and heart of God. Not out of fear, for Christ said, "be not afraid", nor does God urge man by threat of rule of law, but He urges MAN by the good conscious he has given him, so that he may learn Gods LOVE!

Christs GOOD, cant be a paritisan issue, for that is the duality of man. And that is indeed our biggest clue! God never seeks to separate us, because it is in HIM that we find ourselves whole..

 The all GOOD, is a state of mind, and when we can see from that state, than the TRUTH is indeed SELF EVIDENT! And can be seen as the same, by all!

Christ never asked for His Kingdom to be built on the earth. If He wanted to be President, He could have established Himself, President of Israel. Israel, like Christ's Conscienceness, is a state of mind, as well as a place on earth.  He wanted His people to reach His state of Mind where there is Peace.. 

And thats the difference between governments and GOD. No matter how much those on earth want it to express His Kingdom, the earth will always be a place where men  will have dual values, that will always be at odds, of one man or another.

Christs Character, is alive in certain values and principles, that only men who commit to them, will reach His state of Mind. And they have little to do, with protection of the earth, but all to do with the Soul that unites us to His Heaven.

When He told us we must love our neighbor, did He tell us to bring it before the Roman Government, so as to put it into law?

When He spoke of love, did He see (love) as a VALUE? And that when we say we love our neighbor, could He have meant, value him, as we value ourselves?

 How do we today show we value another? Do we  make use of Christs WORD?  Do we know our words intentions? Do they respect others as we respect ourselves? Do we project thankfulness, for all we have in every word we speak? 

Should we seek to bring His GOOD WORD to a pagan, who seems to be happy in what he believes? Or should we bring it to a pagan, by our good example, more than our words? Wouldnt the  best way to bring Christ into the world, is to live His values, and keep His principles...which validate Him in our every word.

 But in how we live them? How do we apply His word into our lives?

We must use His words ..when He said He was TRUTH. Do we speak the truth or do we cover the truth, for fear of being rejected? Do we speak the truth to our family, our friends, our lovers? Or do we hide the truth, so that we look better in the eyes of men?

Love is TRUTH, for without TRUTH, no TRUST can exist. And without TRUST..Love will never be the ROCK UPON WHICH A FOUNDATION BUILT BY GOD CAN EXIST.