Ugh.....

    Saturday, February 5, 2011, 12:21 PM [General]

    So, I went down to the local watering hole last night to just, get out of the house for a few. I was hit on by a lesbian and "the token black dude" (primarily because EVERYONE in this bar was white, and a biker). But with that being said, I met some cool people after that was said and done, and I had an amazing time. One of the girls I met had the most amazing portriat tattoo of her grandmother when she was young. It was so beautiful! Nick was there and well, there's a good reason he and I didn't really start dating. He's so depressed all the time! And with my own emotional downfalls, it's a good thing we didn't! I mean, great guy, just too much emotional baggage. Like I have room to talk. LOL. 

    All in all, I really needed to get my mind off of him, the move, and where I'm going to be in 6 months. It's hard to get certain things (or people) off my mind. But, I just have to look at it like this.....God has a plan, and there's not much I can do to interfere! I just have to let life run it's course and pray that there's always a place for me in heaven.

    0 (0 Ratings)

    Another Day, Another Tear

    Tuesday, February 1, 2011, 7:11 PM [General]

    I sit here, day after day, wondering "WHAT AM I DOING!!!!"

    I am driving myself crazy trying to answer this question, and I CAN'T!

    I'm in love with a man who doesn't love me back.

    I'm running away from this town just to spite him!

    I am uprooting my family AGAIN because I am tired of being so close, yet so far away.

    I'm happy, but I'm miserable! I'm scared, but I'm not!

    I TOLD *HIM* TO WALK AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE, AND ALL I WANT IN THIS WORLD IS FOR HIM TO HOLD ME, TELL ME HE LOVES ME, AND THAT IT WILL ALL BE OK.

    But that won't happen. It's just something I need to get used to.

    But one day, one day I'll meet someone that loves me just the way I am.  Maybe not as much...But maybe then I'll be OK

    0 (0 Ratings)

    Never Told You - By Colbie Cailat

    Tuesday, February 1, 2011, 3:52 PM [General]

    I changed it from blue to brown......beautiful song. Oh, and I copied it from the internet....that's why some things are highlighted....

     

    I miss those brown eyes, how you kiss me at night
    I miss the way we sleep
    Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile
    I miss the way we breathe

    But I never told you what I should have said
    No, I never told you, I just held it in

    And now I miss everything about you
    I can't believe it, I still want you
    And after all the things we've been through
    I miss everything about you, without you

    I see your brown eyes every time I close mine
    You make it hard to see
    Where I belong to, when I'm not around you
    It's like I'm not with me

    But I never told you what I should have said
    No, I never told you, I just held it in

    And now I miss everything about you
    (Still, you're gone)
    I can't believe it, I still want you
    (And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away)
    After all the things we've been through
    (I know it's never gonna come again)
    I miss everything about you, without you

    But I never told you what I should have said
    No, I never told you, I just held it in

    And now I miss everything about you
    (Still, you're gone)
    I can't believe it, I still want you
    (And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away)
    After all the things we've been through
    (I know it's never gonna come again)
    I miss everything about you, without you

    0 (0 Ratings)

    Wow.....

    Tuesday, January 18, 2011, 12:55 PM [General]

    I can't really believe it.  I'm 28!  A LOT of people forgot, some didn't care, and a few showed how much they truly care.  I guess this year is going to be a good one since 28 is my favorite number and that's how old I am!  Too bad I didn't hear from a few though. Made me a little sad.  :-(

    0 (0 Ratings)

    Falling Apart

    Tuesday, May 18, 2010, 1:46 PM [General]

    Not like being emotionally drained is enough, I decided to go to the ER last night due to chest pains.  Doctors said everything was just fine, but it's still very uncomfortable.  I think this might be a sign that my heart has actually broken.  Not just figurtively, but literally.  Thanks DS!  You're the best.....

    0 (0 Ratings)

    Just another day!

    Tuesday, April 20, 2010, 3:07 PM [General]

    Well, I'm feeling a ton better, and have as a matter of fact.  I've been dating, actually dating, and it has really made me see how I really SHOULD be treated.  I've been letting people walk all over my emotions for so long, and I've finally realized how much more I deserve.  The nice thing about going on a few dates?  I don't have to keep telling myself this is the one that loves me and thinks I'm special just because they're there.  Because he's there, I just havn't met him yet!  :-)   I'm also looking forward to prepping again.  Even since, well, then, I haven't done much but buy a few extra boxes of rice here and there.  So now I'm going to get back on track and get ready for whatever comes my way!  All in all, I think other than thinking about him throughout the day, I'm dealing well, moving on with my life, being a good person, and staying happy!

    0 (0 Ratings)

    If you ever come by.....

    Friday, April 16, 2010, 7:34 PM [General]

    Just know, I love you.  Always have, always will.  Even though you are not the person I thought you were, and even though you never loved me as much as you said you did, my love was always unconditional.  I am proud to say that after the lies, the pain, the deciet, the betrayl, and the unnecessary games, I learned that my worth is much, much more than you let me think it was over the past 10 months.  Thank you, for finally letting it come out that you cheated on me, and thank you for letting it come out that you were not in love with me.  It was like "I was walking with a ghost"......and now I feel a lot better knowing I meant nothing to you. 

    In my heart, there is always going to be a place for you.  And if we ever meet in heaven (hey, a girl can wish), I will give you a big hug and walk away. 

    0 (0 Ratings)

    I think you wrote this song for me.....

    Friday, April 16, 2010, 12:04 PM [General]

    When you told me to walk away, I should have listened.  I'm sorry it came to this.

    FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH - WALK AWAY

    I'm sorry for the demon I've become
    You should be sorry for the angel you are not
    I apologise for crule things I did
    But I don't regret one single word I said

    Just walk away make it easy on yourself
    Just walk away please relese me from this hell
    Just walk away theres just nothing left to feel
    Just walk away pretend that none of this is real

    Could you forgive me if I told you that I cared
    Would you be sorry if I swore that I'd be there
    Plese forgive me for laughing when you'd fall
    I'm so sorry but I never cared at all

    Just walk away make it easy on yourself
    Just walk away please relese me from this hell
    Just walk away theres just nothing left to feel
    Just walk away pretend that none of this is none of this is

    Just walk away make it easy on us both
    Just walk away there was never any hope
    Just walk away you already know the deal
    Just walk away pretend that none of this was real

    0 (0 Ratings)

    Good Dream / Bad Dream

    Friday, April 16, 2010, 11:25 AM [General]

    It always starts out with the kind smile, the warmth of that first hello, the heart-felt embrace we've needed for so long.  We look into each other and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were meant for each other.  We hold eachother like we will ocme unglued if we ever let go.  Then, as always, reality sets in and the thought of us ever being right showers a pouring rain of doubt and resentment all over my beautiful dream.  Why can't I just have that one night of happiness, fond memories and unconditional love that I once remembered?  If I can't have you now, and will never meet you in heaven, I will ask for one night.   One night to remember you by.  The man that I loved, the man that was once mine.  One night.....Please.

    0 (0 Ratings)

    Are you in?

    Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 7:45 PM [General]

    Follow me into the darkness.  I brought a flashlight.  We may make it out alive.

    0 (0 Ratings)

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