Note to Theo

    Wednesday, May 5, 2010, 9:22 AM [General]

     Hi Theo,

         First, I want to thank you for being so good with Nathan.....he's been going through this routine for about 2 years now here on B'net.  We (regulars on Discuss Judaism) have our doubts as to whether he actually was raised in a practicing Jewish home - although he's told us he was bar mitzvah'd....and I think he must have some mental health issues (I'm not dissing the kid!   I think he's got a biochemical disorder - I do myself)

       Anyway, Nathan is like a kid who wants the acceptance and affirmation of 'adults' and keeps trying to find a group that he can feel truly at home with.  It hasn't been possible yet to try suggesting to him that the acceptance he craves may need to come from himself....  I'm not a 'professional' but I've raised one child.  And yes, I'm old enough to be Nathan's mother.

        I know, we can't always help the lost ones who come across our path....  I used to get angry with Nathan because he kept coming back to the DJ board to tell us he was happy now as a (pick a Christian denomination), and he wanted us all to be 'saved'.   (Yeah, we get 'visitors' like that every now & then).  And then I realized it wasn't about us, but about him - he isn't really aware of the effect his 'taunting' has on other people. 

    What can I say?  I'm a slow learner sometimes....

    About the 'Serpent Seed' women - I must sadly agree with you that it's pretty hopeless.  The 'hanger-on' is actually nastier than the SS one.

    I will disagree with you on one point, however:  nobody can 'make' another person hate them.  A true adult will decide whether to 'go with' a feeling or not. 

    When I come in from working in the yard and I see my husband has scooped out the last of the sherbert - I may have a flash of resentment and want to grab it from him (because I told him I would want it and planned on eating it and he 'yes, dear'd in response)....but I'm an adult and I also consider that 1)He is NOT selfish, so he forgot - or 2)he didn't really hear and just said 'yes, dear' as a reflex and/or 3)he's worked through the past two weekends and is too tired to remember anything and/or 4)he has gone without breakfast when there wasn't enough milk for my tea and his cereal and/or5) a good person doesn't insist on every last drop of 'respect'.....you get the idea.  I have far too many reasons to NOT go with that resentment.

    OK, with strangers we don't have such a huge emotional investment.  But still, doesn't being a 'functioning adult' mean choosing the kind of person we want to be?

    From a religious POV - you might pause to ask 'WWJD?' while I pause to consider 'Am I strengthening my good or my evil inclination?'  Or simply recalling the words of my mortal Dad as I left the house "Remember who you are:  you be the good one"(did you think only Jewish mothers deal out 'guilt'?).

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