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    Dreams That Scare

    Sunday, May 18, 2008, 4:43 PM [General]

    I have been having a dream. I had a few times even  before I started reading the bible.  Usually the last couple of time the dream doesn't have to end but I remember how it ends.   It starts off at the Opening of the Olympics camera goes to young chinese girl playing drums for the ceremony then the camera pan to the right toward the city and there are planes dropping bombs.   Then it skips to a new cast which states something about the year after the bombing of someplace  or other a woman dropps dead of a stroke.  She is important but I don't know her.  Then my dream turns to California we see Will Smith and his family at McDonald's his daughter is playing with a baby alien.  Then there is a earthquake people are running and scream and fire is coming from the sky.   Then the dream starts to become a jumble of things that I can't quite remember them all but pieces I remember.   Then I am taken from my husband to a place in the sky he stays on earth and dies there are others there some are my family but not all.  Then after a period in time I am sent back to earth with wings.  People are repreparing the earth for the return of people.  There is a light that ask us to follow.   There is more detail to what I've dreamt about.  I don't know if it means anything but I just know it is a scary dream.

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    Changes .....

    Wednesday, April 30, 2008, 7:17 PM [General]

    I don't if anyone remember how I said my path might take me some where other then the path of oneness.    I think God was showing me the path of oneness to see that it is wrong and not the path but showing me it was there.   I have gone back to Organized religion I have been attending church and reading the bible.    Even when I thought oneness was the path I still thought the bible was a book from God in some way it hard to explain.    There are just things that I feel seem more true then they did before.   I hope not to lose any friends because of this but now this way I feel and I don't think this will change.   Just something I know.
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    Looking forward to Something...

    Monday, April 7, 2008, 6:14 PM [General]

    I am looking forward to something.   I don't know what it is yet.  Well I have hope for one but I odds are high that it is not going to happen.    The reason I know is because the last dozen times I have hoped for this thing it doesn't come to be.    I would say I am tired of having my hopes dashed but the thing is I am not.   I don't if that is good or bad or just naieve.   Proably the last.   I can't help but hope.  There are times when I thought my hope was taken away and then I had yet to find it was completely in place.  Am I just naieve maybe but I would rather be that then hopeless.   Hope feels to good to let go.
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    Welcoming Whats to Come

    Thursday, April 3, 2008, 12:22 PM [General]

    I was very excited last night about starting a new day and wondering what  God,or  Supreme Being would place in my path.  Mostly I was bored the night before.   I have been sick so I haven't been able to do to much.   Now I feel a little better and still have places to go yet today but now it is a fight between the things I should do and the thing I want to do.   The thing I should do are winning be the things I want to are really not fully formed.  Another words I really don't know what I want to do  I just know it is suppose to be something creative. The things I should do are piling up quite literally and is making me not so comfortable to do the things I want to do.  So I guess I should do the things I should do but yet I sit here and fiddle with the computer.    It is mostly cleaning I have to do.  I remember a time when I liked cleaning now I avoid it like the plague.   I just wish I had the wanting to do what I should do but I don't.  I guess that is not so Welcoming
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    Colds and Flu

    Wednesday, April 2, 2008, 12:37 AM [General]

    Time to recharge those batteries I guess.  Only I don't feel the need to recharge I feel I am charged.  True it could be the fever talking but what do I know. Sometimes there are times where you have to let yourself be weak or be sick.   I am not fond of being weak.  I try to not think of myself as such.  Sometimes we have to be weak to know we are strong.
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    Sometimes I feel not so spiritual.

    Tuesday, April 1, 2008, 8:07 AM [General]

    Sorry I have not been on in a while there times where I just don't feel as connected to my spiritual half or would that be whole.  I believe everything can be spiritual if we let it.  Sometimes I am stubborn and don't wanna let it be any part of me.    It not right or wrong to do this it just is the way I am sometimes.   In the spiritual world there is no right or wrong there just is one moment and it is just that a moment nothing else.  I is so hard explain yet can be so simple to see.  I don't where this planet is heading in the years to come but something... there is this feeling that something good is coming.      This makes me happy and a little scared because something so good can mean something so bad will come later.   But I guess what I have learned is you deal with that when it comes. Not before or after.  You deal with it when it happens.  

    There are so many thoughts in me about what's happening in the world today.   I don't know where to start or how to share it.    I wish there was a way I knew in which to get my feelings of hope to others in a larger sense but for now I have to settle with posting a blog here.  I feel in my heart that I am meant for big things and to share these things.   I feel like I am waving at everyone saying" Hey look over here at me.  I have a message!"  And I feel people are passing me by.   And other times I have the message but don't know when to express it. 

     I just wish those who read this well and to those who don't the same.

    Hope is the key, Love is the secret. 

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    Which way am I going again?

    Monday, March 3, 2008, 1:00 PM [General]

    I am not fond of the moments that feel like I don't know where I am going or if I am going the right way.  To speak bluntly they annoy me.  Mostly because I am impatience I always have been I want things when i want them.   I use to consider myself a very patience person but i have learned that I am not.  Sure I could wait for hours if a person is late to pick me up for a date or something of that matter.  I don't consider that about myself but when things surrounding me come up patience is gone... out the window it goes.   I will be honest it doesn't feel like something I am ready to change about myself.  I don't know what is going to get me there to become more patience.  I just have to work on it.
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    On Stress

    Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 12:59 PM [General]

    I use to say I live off of stress.  I figured that it was just a part of me.  I don't believe that to be completely true now.  It is a state of mind and body. You can either dwell in the stressful times and soak them up or you can let them go.  My dog recenlty became ill and it has been about two weeks since she has been her self.  There were those times that I just soaked up the stress.  Why?  Whether it is because i somehow sickly I enjoyed it, the feeling of suffering.  Or maybe it was the way I would have something to complain about.  Because lets face it if we don't have things to complain about then what is there to talk about.  Most of the times not much.  I would like to get past the complaining.  I want to know things will be alright even though the stressful times come.  I would like that feeling of calmness that I have now but with it I would like to include the knowing that things will be okay no matter what outcome.  Sometimes that is harder to except.
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    Communing with Nature

    Thursday, February 7, 2008, 8:01 AM [General]

    Since i was little my mother use to say things to me like "Listen to the trees what do they say?"  I loved the trees we had in our yard.  I use to go up and hug them and talk to the leaves.   It had been a long time since I had done that until recently.

    I read an article in a magazine called "Light of Consciousness"  There are some nature mediations in a article and I would like to share one.

    "In Interview with Nature, you look for a special rock, plant, or animal that has an interesting story to tell. You ask it question like, "Wha t events have you seen in your life? What is it like to live here? Is there something you would like to tell me?"  People sometimes feel a little awkward at first talking to something as if it were alive.  But very quickly they come to appreciate the fact their rock or tree has a  precious life of its own."

    I have to say I had a nice conversation with a pair of tree branches.      It is funny how each one had it's own personality.  The smaller of the bunch was fearful of being broken into pieces and the bigger on was very confident of being on it's own.

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    Anger

    Thursday, January 31, 2008, 11:36 AM [General]

    I did some guided mediations yesterday.  Apparently I am holding in some anger.  In the mediation I was at one point suppose to be on a path in a wooded area.  I for some reason had a urge to climb tree and/or break them.   I know I have been dealing with frustrating things and most of the time when I feel that frustration I feel sleepy sometimes so sleepy that I have no choice but to go to sleep.   It doesn't really surprise me that I have some anger issues. I can think of many things that tick me off at the moment but i just don't know how to express my anger in a healthly way.   My husband keeps telling me I should paint.  I just haven't felt like painting because sometimes when things don't come out the way I want them to I get angry.   I have wanted to write lately but when I sit down to write I have nothing to really write.   Sure I could write about this again but I feel I have talked about and written about it so much already t that I am not getting any where.  I am going to the gym for the first time in years.   Maybe starting excerise will help somehow.

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