Let me insert a rather well bluntly put piece of the letter from Mister "Coward of the County Down" that I received the day before yesterday, shall I?
In the month since we have been out of contact I am more sure than ever that I am not ready for another relationship and I'm sorry Heather but I should never have gotten into one with you.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
It is up to you whether you believe me or not, but I meant you no hurt or harm, ever.
I'm not saying any this to hurt you or be mean, I can only tell you how I feel.
If it helps consider it a fortunate miss.
I find it for him rather convenient that he wrote such a scathingly selfish letter to me when I was talking to a great friend over the Internet while trying not to burst out crying. I was praying to God that my friend did not see the tears coming down my face as I read this tome of complete shallowness. Ripping my heart out one more time, I decided, by the grace of God to try not to be bitter or angry-however, my letter was leveled with tact and a seethingly heavy dose of complete disgust. In my heart, I spilled out my emotions to him as he thinks what he did was the best thing in the long run. What he did provoked my ire; here is what I wrote:
When I go into my friend's studio next year to record some music and drumming that I've written, remind me to name the album that, okay? In fact, I'll do you one better-I'll dedicate the album to you with a generous foreword in it. Oh yes, and when it is recorded and done, I'll sign a copy for you.
Your email has left me with emotions that...well, frankly I'm not sure what to say. All I hear is how you consider us nothing but a "fortunate miss". For whom, Marc? For you? Is this your answer to your ending our relationship?
After your "Dear John" letter you emailed me, Marc, I had to do some kind of miraculous damage control because of this "fortunate miss" (to me an "unfortunate mess"). You were so kind as to hide in your little world behind a computer like some kind of god pointing the finger of doom in my direction expecting me to just "move on" as you saw fit. You broke everything off with one email-and to this day you seem justified to what you've done to save your own arse, not caring one iota about the hurricane like damage you left behind for everyone to clean up. While you were there hiding behind a computer, I had to find another place to live, buy a car, and move out all by myself with very little or no help at all while trying to heal up from being sick with stress and heartbreak. It seemed relatively convenient for you to say, "Hey, I'm done!" as an easy out.
For a 48 year old man, I thought much more maturely from you than this.
You will not convince me otherwise that what you did to me was nothing more than a cowardly act on your part. I know men much younger than you that had more tact and grace than what you've shown me. When you wrote to me with the giddiness of a child "hindsight is a wonderful thing", the first thing I thought of was you adding insult to my broken hearted injury. MY GOD MAN, choose your words a lot more carefully, would you? You obviously have not once ounce of sense in anything you feel or say, do you? Your apparent lack of emotions and your selfish drivel only proves that not only should you not date ever again, but stay away from women period. In the end, it's all about you and your life as everything else is nothing more than an interruption or as you say a "fortunate miss".
The closing of your email was intensely shallow and demeaning. If you would've cared anything for me or us, you would've stood up like a man and given me closure via the phone, not my email. There were many nice ways to tell me it was over and I would've accepted that and moved on (I've already moved on, however) without any remorse or bitterness of the situation. What you did almost left me in dire straights, Marc, and somehow you just don't give a darn nor care about anything you've done. A coward never takes responsibility for his actions but insists everyone else clean up the mess left behind...
One day, and God forgive me for saying this, I hope one day you get your head out of your arse before it's too late if it isn't already too late. There were many things you could've done to remedy this situation but you chose the easiest way out.
Fortunate miss? In my case yes because I abhor cowards in any way, sense or form. You caused some horrific damage , Marc, that I will truly NEVER forget. I hope and pray that one day you'll realize that there is no "i" in team, no "i" in us and that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Please mail back the Rush shirt to my address: (insert address here) I will be expecting it. Keep the Manchester United shirt as a token of your love for the team as I will deliver the Rush shirt and both Manchester United shirts to you when I get the chance to see my cousin in Ireland at Christmas with my friend Jason (who likes Chelsea) from North London. I won't bother you as I will just put them on your door step and go away. I'm not some kind of obsessively broken hearted idiot who wants to see you-I'm not like that and will respect your privacy. No I will not mail them to you, sorry-I'm tired of dealing with the postal service as a whole.
Now I will close the chapter on you and I hope you have a good life, despite my disappointment and tears. You are constantly in my prayers even though you tore out my heart and almost ruined me in many ways.
I won't email you again. I feel as if I'm bothering you and that's the last thing I want to do. As of the end of this email, you no longer exist.
The last of this email is what got me the most angry. To erase someone by saying they don't exist is the worst of insults and the most protective of one's self emotionally and physically. You have shut them out of your thoughts and life; I've never done such a thing ever to someone as to totally wipe them out of my life like this. Is this hate? Is what I did wrong? Is my bitterness and anger so profound as to write something like I did even though I've done my best to forgive him as a fellow Christian? The dire agony this man has put me through is something I cannot forget.
What he showed me was cruelty yet he seemed justified in his actions and deeds. His words shallow and demeaning, his stance firm in his way and I decided not to put up with his behavior. Although I read the response back that I wrote and it was neither petty nor ugly in my opinion, however, gentle readers, some may think otherwise.
Maybe he was right. Maybe he was a fortunate miss-I'm praying that women will fortunately miss him as well.
Song of the day: Heat of the Moment by Asia