It has been a long time since I've written anything. For another long, long time, I was too depressed to write, too deep in the Black Hole to put out the effort needed to put words on paper. Praise God and all that is holy, I seem to have climbed out of the Pit and made it back to the Land of the Living, one more time. How long this will last...this time...I have no way of knowing, of course. All I can do right now is to be thankful that I am actually feeling good, very close to that hard-to-attain emotion called "happiness." I'm not sure I would recognize "happiness" if I found it, tho, so what I will say is that I am supremely content at the moment, and ever so grateful. Thanks be to my Almighty Father!!!
I'm not at all sure what has changed my mood, but it's probably safe to say that several things factor into it. The Old Man's belongings are gone. My work shift and schedule have changed radically, and I am, for the first time in many moons, a day shift person again...and lovin' it, much to my surprise and supreme gratitude. Lastly, but not least, I started taking a chromium supplement some time in June, having found a recommendation for it as a depression fighter somewhere on the net. Who knows? Maybe it actually works, eh? It's not hurting me, that's for sure. Again, I'm grateful. And all during the depression, I did all the "right things," or at least, as many as I could, without going to my doctor and asking for a prescription for an antidepressant, preferably Zoloft, as I'm familiar with how it works with me. Whatever the cause, tho, I'm here, and I feel well again. Good feeling, too, believe me.
And, I am actually excited about something for a change, I realized it while I was sitting out on the carport just a few minutes ago, listening to the concert the birds are giving...free of charge...today. It's a beautiful day out there, green, sunny, full of birdsong, and as of yet, not too hot and humid, altho I expect that that will change as the day wears on. I looked at the black and chrome chair, and pictured it with a white "dress" over it, tied on with a red belt of sorts, or maybe with the beads that Traci gave me so long ago..."IF" I didn't toss them out in a decluttering fit, that is. And right then I realized that I am having soooo much fun thinking about how I want to do the house without Old Man here any more, and how it will look, and the fact that I can do so much of it by myself(YES I CAN!!!), and what I can't do, Pam will help me, Debra would help me, and probably Tony will do the heavy stuff and possibly even help me paint, without charging me an arm and a leg. And I've found the exact colors I want to use, too, colors that will satisfy my need for color in here, and that will hopefully satisfy the rental office's need for colors that can be painted over with one coat of paint(how cheap is that, btw?!?!). Actually, because I have to buy the paint myself, I don't care if they like it or not, lol.
The living room will be a very, very pale shade of blue, almost an ice blue, and the rest of the house will be a pale pink/beige color. Any accent colors at all will go with these two colors, and the accents I want to use are the "temple colors:" crimson, blue, purple, and gold. Cheerful and bold in the living room, but lighter and more calming in the bedroom.
I want to take the headboard that Old Man made and lacquer it a bright red, and use it as a folding screen in the living room, where I am going to make an entryway of sorts. I'll use the screen, sort of set off to the side, and with it, one of the black bookcases...mmmm, should I lacquer it to match the screen or leave it black, I wonder? Ah, decisions, decisions, decisions, sigh! Such fun thinking and looking at magazines to find what I'd like to incorporate into my own little home, lol. The wooden chair on the carport will also come in, with the black/chrome chair, and eventually it will be lacquered red, also, and the already white parts of it touched up. The loveseat, I hope, will have a new cover, in some sort of red print. I also want to clean up Stupid's old brass/glass table, the one on the carport, and put it on the wall by the front door, in the entry way. The big brown bookcase, which will also need to be painted...nah, leave it stained like it is, and just polish it...will go on the wall by the bedroom door. The loveseat will go on the wall where the electronics were, and the little dresser by my bed will come out here, beside the loveseat, with books piled on it to hold the lamp, which by the time I get the walls painted, will match beautifully...serendipity! I think I'll leave the branch over the window, but put a lace panel back in, take the little bookcase down, and just leave the plant and the angel/harp on the sill. And lots more plans, too, but not totally formed yet, lol. I'm just really hyped about doing all this, even tho it's going to be a lot of work and will take me a long time to do it all.
I also have to clean out all three closets, declutter, decide which of my tchochkes I want to keep and use. That's a month long job in itself, lol, as well as make the craft area in the bedroom...which is where I'm going to need Tony to help me. No way can I move the dresser by myself! Thankfully, there's nothing I can do in the bathroom or kitchen besides clean, declutter, and eventually, paint. Whew! LOL!
The job: It's taken me two years of fussing and fighting, but I am finally on first shift, 7AM-2PM, and loving it, like I said. The money is soooo much better. This past week, in four days, I made $239 in tips alone, which does NOT include gratuitie and payroll, ta-da! That's more than I;'ve made on second shift for a long, long time. In fact, Monday I made $75! I was astounded when I counted it all up, I really was. And much to my surprise, I don't mind getting up at 5AM as much as I thought I would, and I LOVE being off at 2PM. There's just so much more day left as compared to getting off at 9PM, when it's dark and the day is actually done. I have a little more energy, and the extra motion seems to be good for me, as I can honestly say I think I'm getting stronger. Praise God. So I'm pleased about the job, and my only fear is that Scott will come back to our shop, and Ryan will go to another shop. We are all hoping Scott stays where he is...even Lee and Dan don't want him back here. Time will tell, eh?
I've started experimenting with different cooking, too, things I wouldn't have dared do with Old Man here. Moroccan flavorings in my turkey burgers...goat cheese and zucchini pizza...smoked paprika, turmeric, cumin, mint...and almost no canned and processed foods at all. I'm certainly enjoying that, and make it a point to try to find a foreign cookbook when I go to the library now.
So, right now, things aren't as compartmentalized as they were, and there's much less trash in my life and that's a good thing and I'm so pleased. And taking it one day at a time, because I've learned one thing over the years: Everything changes.371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c