well, i've done the things i set out to do.i have studied in depth things that brought about the bible.i know why just one man made a stand and it was couple thousand years ago he did so.he did it for me and for you.man has suffered o-so much since creation.but it's also a chanllenge to the one thrown from heaven.like job.God gave that terrible spirit satan rule and power over the earth to see what damage he could do to us.he's done alot.but God has shown me so much grace.reason's are his own.i've been a bad person in my past and sometimes people change and regret yesterday.i do regret my yesterdays.grace comes in many ways i'm sure.i know what my grace is.but why ? that i don't know other than a fathers love.a fathers love i know because i am blessed with 2 beautiful daughters who love me.thru the toils and fights i've had.the things i've seen and the things i've done.sometimes peace is not meant for some i guess.i have my secrets only God Jesus and i know about.i have to keep those secrets ,but i pray daily for forgiveness.i feel as though i have recieved that forgiveness thru grace from god and his son Jesus christ.though those secrets lie heavy on my heart,i must keep them.

 Once i was on top of the world in life with all the material things i thought i needed.then one night i looked up to the heavens and i ask God.how long will you continue to let me live like this.haveing authurity and all these material things i want.he answered the very next day....by striking me down like a fly ! i lost everything that was dear to me..i mean everything.but with hindsight i now know why.the relationship i was in was total deceipt by the very person i loved and took very good care of for 9 years.i lost my material things ..i lost everything like over night.but,i continue to strive through Christ intervention into my life.had i not been sticten down.i would still be doing all i could to gain more material objects ,but ya know..we can't take any of that with us.i have a idea of my own of what happens when we leave here in human form,and i am scared..God has great punishment for me .i hope that has been dealt with while i am still here,it seems to me it has,but i am only human.i am not sure.i pray all the time for all of us.toils and snares and fights and things i've seen and done.i beg for god's forgiveness but i may only get that through Jesus Christ himself as he is the Man !..i read alot of forbidden books of the bible and through these writeings i feel so much closer to Jesus and i have more understanding of just what went on when there were only 2 people on the face of this earth..and because God told the angels to bow to us satan was jealuos ! and would not..so he is the evil we have to deal with every minute of everyday.even while we sleep as we have those terrible dreams and wake up not wanting to go back to sleep because he may be back.i pray Jesus help me with these dreams because they hurt..Through Jesus all is possible.it's just we don't know what God has planned for us.only he know's..he makes our future before we even get here .it's all written down somewhere what were gonna do and how were gonna do it.and then i don't know..how will i pay for my sins .i pray God won't make my children pay for the sin's i've done..i pray and i pray.i know he hears us when we pray.but,we better pray for the right things..GOD BLESS YOU ALL..we need it.. 

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