Hey everyone,

So I'm extremely new to this whole site and I'm still trying to understand somethings about it. but I guess what I really wanted to post this for was because I've been thinking a whole lot about my best friend who died back in February. I'm a pretty tough kid and it takes a lot to make me cry, but just the thought of my Lilly makes me just want to break down. I won't lie, I'm crying right this moment as I am writing all of this, cause it's so hard not to.

I got Lilly when I was only ten years old, she was just a six month old ball of fluff that I grew attatched to the moment i saw her. I always thought of her as a human stuck in a dog's body because she was so smart! I talked to her like you would probably talk to another person and I know without a doubt in my mind that she understood every single thing. On days where I would be so ticked off and wouldn't talk to my own parents, My big bear would bound right up to me and knock me down in an attempt to lick me to death. She was always seen with a stylish colored bandana, though her favorite was the Lavender one since I would lay them out in a row and let her pick. I still have that bandana. I sleep with it every night, I take it with me in my duffel bag to swim practice, and i even carried it in the side pocket of my jeans at school. I could tell when it wasn't with me cause I would feel so alone and unprotected. But let's not get off track here.. Those five years me and her spent together had to have been the best, and always will be, years of my life. No matter where I was, she was always there to make sure I wouldn't get hurt. On trips to the lake or swims in the backyard pool, she would bite at my hands and drag me to where I could touch the ground. Her warm gold eyes always seemed to be bright and alert, her mothering nature always seemed to be in her. At one point she took up an attempt to mother a potato, which lasted for a week or two. Why she did, I'll never know. But it had to have been one of the funniest things I'd ever seen. When she turned three and I turned thirteen, My family had to move up to northwest Missouri. I completely despised the fact of me having to go and I wouldn't let the movers touch my things. Then, Miss Lilly got my message and she actually started to lay in my room and growl at the movers! Of course, we had no choice and it was off to Missouri the next week. My first day at the new Middle school was miserable, aren't they all? Little did it matter cause I knew Lilly would be waiting for me at home. That was two years ago, and now it's much different. I am preparing to enter my Sophmore year and the support that I really counted on much isn't with me anymore. On the morning of February 5th, it was pouring rain and the sky was a dull, depressing grey. It was my job to check on the animals in the morning, so I went to the backdoor to let the dogs in, but neither of them were there. Our other dog, a boxer named Rammy, soon appeared at the front door. Only so you know, Me and Rammy do not get along well. But when I saw him run through the door soaking wet, I imediately glanced out the door expecting Lilly to follow after. The only source of black I saw out the door was the darkening sky. My brother Landry told me not to worry and that she would show up. But the fact that Rammy was without Lilly told me that something was horribly wrong. Landry went off to school while I sat on the front porch waiting for her, my eyes red and lump in my throat. When night finally came, there was still no Lilly. My mom came home and she began to reassure me that someone must have had her. Two days would pass, and each day I was told the same thing. The night of the sixth, I sat on my front steps and cried. I knew she wasn't coming back, I had lost my best friend. Night turned to morning, morning turned to night. I'll never forget that night, not in a thousand lifetimes. I was on the computer talking with a friend over messenger when the phone rang. I looked at the caller I.D. and the name and number were no one I knew of. My mom picked it up before I could, so I left it alone. Nothing could have prepared me for what was going to hit me. Moment pass and my mom, sister, and brother came down stairs. I turned in my chair and all of them had their eyes to the ground. My mom was the first one to come near me, grasping my arm, she only had to shake her head. Blank at first, I didn't want to believe it. I pulled my arm away and gave a glance back at my siblings, both had the same expression that told me "We're sorry..". That's when I lost it.. Lilly had passed away in the backyard of our neighbors house. As much as it hurt to hear the words from my parents, she had looked as if she had just laid down with her muzzle on her paws and went to sleep. A peice of me died that day, if not all of me. I didn't talk for days, neither eat or sleep. The day we took her to get her cremated at the local animal shelter, my parents wanted me to stay. I'll never even begin to express how angry I was with them, telling me to stay home and let some strangers haul my friend off like some sort of garbage? That had to have been the longest ride of my life. My parents kept telling me not to look back at her, not that she was out in the open, she was covered with a blanket. I only looked back once, catching a glimpse of her shining black nose and tip of her muzzle. When we arrived, a man had wheeled up a table to carry her on, but before anyone got near her, I asked him to get me her bandana. Covered with still wet mud, he was forced to cut it off of her, but very neatly so that it wouldn't fray. My parents sent me back to the truck to wait only because they didn't want me to see her the way she was, and even though I wanted to refuse, I wasn't in the condition to say anything. Long minutes, almost hours.

It is now June 26 of 2008.

Four months and twenty-one days later, I still can't stop thinking about her. These days pass by like years and every single dream I have has her there, right by my side like old times. I always told her to never go where I can't follow, yet, I feel like I'll never see her again. She left too soon and I tell myself everyday "I'd do anything to have her back, even for a day..". Everything I see, everything I do remind me of her. Her bright pink collar lies on my dresser along with the container that holds her ashes and dozens of pictures of her. The thought of me never seeing her again terrifies me more than anything, and yet, I feel like that's what's going to happen.

I guess the reason why I wanted to get this out was because I felt that sharing the life me and her had together would maybe help me feel at ease with her absence.

If you did read this, I thank you for taking time to learn about Lilly and how she had inspired me to be the person I am today.

I also thank Lilly. My guardian, my mentor, and most of all My Friend. I know you're still somehow with me and i just want you to know that just because you're gone doesn't mean that you aren't the most important thing to ever come into my life. You got me through so much and I realize now that we didn't get enough time together. I miss you like crazy, Lil, You have no idea. Please, don't forget about me, okay?