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10 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2008 - 11:21PM #1
Posts: 1,847

I found this on line and did it ever ring true with me many years ago before I started my spiritual journey realizing we all have false beliefs.

 What do we do when we are in close proximity with someone on a regular basis who chooses the victimitis state, preferring their Victim mentality choosing to see another or oneself (but mostly another) as all wrong all the time?

How within ourselves do we ameliorate our discordant feelings relative to these false statemente made to us from the "perpetual victim" in which they project onto us the responsibility for their challenges?

It's been my experience many do not want to even consider reviewing their victimitis stance regardless of the spiritual growth and the elimination of personal stress it brings.

Sometimes I truly wonder if it could be a difference in intelligence where the other is just unable to perceive what is evident about their choice of victimitis?

Sometimes I wonder if it could be a combination of both: the lack of intelligence to deal with our own projections and victimitis state as well as a comfortabeness in the known; indeed it is sometimes worn like a badge of honor.

What do you think?


The Judge and the Victim 

The voices of fear inside us that are offended,
need to be right, gossip about others, complain about the past, or
worry about the future are really echoes of beliefs that hold us back.

If the most powerful and surest step to
changing beliefs is awareness, then listening closely to the voices of
fear will reveal many secrets about the hidden beliefs you are trying
to change.

The loudest voices of fear are the inner Judge and Victim. 

The Judge always comments on how it should be.
The Judge says things like, "You're doing it wrong. They're doing it
wrong. You should be ashamed. They should be punished. They should act
like this. You should act like that." The Judge is the critic and
argues from all the rules about what is right and what is wrong. The
Judge is the voice of the Demon of Perfection - no matter what we do,
no matter what we achieve, no matter how good it gets, it will never be
good enough.

Every coin has two sides. On one side of the
coin is the Judge and on the other side is the Victim. The Victim
receives the judgment and agrees with the opinions of the Judge. The
Victim says things like, "It's not my fault. No one ever listens to me.
It's not fair. I can't help it. No matter what I do, it's never good
enough." The Victim complains and makes up "poor me" stories and is
never in the present moment. The Victim looks to the past and believes
everything would have been all right if only. . . . The Victim looks
into the future and believes everything will be all right when. . . .
It could be all right but in the mind of the Victim, it never will be.

The Judge and the Victim have three points of
view - "there is something wrong with me, there is something wrong with
them, or.... there is something wrong with God."

Look closer. The three points of view are just a projection of one belief. We need to look no further than ourselves. 

Awareness of what you believe opens up a whole
universe of possibility. If a limiting belief and its voices are based
on someone else's opinion, a lie or something that is no longer true,
and you see that with absolute certainty - that is a giant step toward
building beliefs that support a life you can love.

Take a Moment: 

  • Do the stories you tell about yourself sound like the Victim or the Judge? 
  • Do you gossip? What do you say? 
  • How often do you think: everything would be all right if only. . .or... everything will be all right when...? 
  • Listen to the voice of the Victim or the Judge inside of you. Is what they are saying true? Is it really true?

Many Blessings,

Ray Dodd

Be gentle with yourself and as Gandi said: "Be the change you want to see in others" and I add the world around you will change.
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2008 - 8:27PM #2
Posts: 1,407

Great piece - and so true!

I like the perspective of being aware of these tendencies and to notice when we are doing them (because we all are either the Judge or the Victim at times)

An insidious feature of dealing with the Judge inside is that we can bash ourselves for doing it - which in turn  becomes a weapon that our Judge uses against us!

Also the point about projection is so very true. 

Thank you for this post Angell!


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10 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2008 - 11:37PM #3
Posts: 1,847

You are welcome Arnie, and thanks for your valuable input.. Smile

We certainly all are either the judge or the victim at times and sometimes we are both.

Just yesterday I realized I was blaming someone else for how I was the upset I was feeling when I came out of my unconscious mind and said: "Whoa, girl!  You have to own this".Undecided

This was a time when I was both judge (of the other) and (victim of myself).  I didn't get too far when I snapped back to consciousness.

I started to smile to myself realizing how easy it can be to do so I decided to forgive myself, and just let it go while making yet another mental resolve to work to stay conscious. 

If I hadn't been judging the other, I wouldn't have made myself a victim of  myself, even if only temporarily.  DUH!Surprised

With love, respect and many blessings toall.




Be gentle with yourself and as Gandi said: "Be the change you want to see in others" and I add the world around you will change.
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 02, 2008 - 3:28AM #4
Posts: 1,847


What you are experiencing in this very moment is the culmination of everything you have agreed to believe.

Belief touches every part of life and guides
the thoughts you think, the words you say, and the decisions you make.
What you believe affects your perception, your biology and even matter

Religious or political beliefs are merely
opinions. True beliefs are what you have no doubt about. Belief creates
your personal reality: a unique world-view where often what is true is
true only for you.

To start, let's define belief.

Is belief merely the thoughts you accept as
true? Perhaps, but have you ever said you believed a certain way,
became stressed and then acted in a manner that contradicted what you
said you believed? Lets say you consider yourself to be a kind person.
What happens when someone cuts you off in traffic or criticizes your
work? Are your actions aligned with what you said you believed?

Belief is much more than what we think is true.

"Belief is a living dream, with an emotional perspective populated by agreements that define and defend that point of view."

~ From BeliefWorks

Belief creates your personal reality, a
series of filters that you interpret the world through. Often, the
beliefs that hold us back are limiting agreements based in fear. When
you are aware of your beliefs, you can live with clarity, authority and
purpose. But when you are unaware of your deepest beliefs, they can
keep you trapped in worry, regrets, emotional reaction, conflict with
others and negative self-talk.


Ninety percent of the process of changing
limiting beliefs is awareness of the hidden agreements you have made
with yourself. Agreements made long ago, that are in this moment, more
powerful than you can imagine.

By harnessing the power of belief, how profoundly could your life change?

Ray Dodd

Be gentle with yourself and as Gandi said: "Be the change you want to see in others" and I add the world around you will change.
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 04, 2008 - 7:06PM #5
Posts: 0

We have in our minds a system of beliefs based on the experiences we've had in our environment, whether it be family, school, occupation, or from the media.  Many of the beliefs may very well be imagined, such as fear of the dark.  In fact, we can become victims of our own imaginations.  But they are, nevertheless, a part of our reality.  Who judges our imaginations unless we offend or harm somebody else?


Being a victim is a subjective feeling, while the judge would have to be an objective observer, judging from his/her own subjective value system; which by the way, is imagined.  So we have one opinion against another in which both could be right or both could be wrong. 


Therefore, we must ask, "Where is the pain or hurt?"  It must come from the victim, because the judge is the observer.  Is it the judge that is inflicting the pain?  Is it he that is really to blame? 

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10 years ago  ::  Nov 05, 2008 - 1:25AM #6
Posts: 1,847

Hi Kapper,

When we judge ourselves harshly we also become our own victim.

When we judge another harshly and blame them for the way we decide to react to something then we make two victims: them and ourself.  And I think the pain would be in both.

Blessings of peace and love to all


Be gentle with yourself and as Gandi said: "Be the change you want to see in others" and I add the world around you will change.
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 15, 2008 - 8:41PM #7
Posts: 0

If I react in a way that is inconsistant with my conscious beliefs, then it is an unconscious belief or expectation that is causing the reaction. It has probably been buried there for a long time and is just now coming to the surface because some stimulous set it off, caused it to become noticeable. So, let's suppose I believe in a loving approach to my husband, but he has become a different person through a disease, and I am unable to deal with that. So, even though I know that he is ill, I react with anger when he acts contrary to my expectations. How do I fish out that false belief or expectation, and, having done that, how do I release that belief? Let's say I identify the belief as my desire to "put him back the way he was", which, I know is impossible. And let's say I also know that the joy of having him as a wonderful partner, filled with intelligence is now but a memory, but I am still holding out a hope that he will somehow come back. What is the mechanism for replacing these extremely strong emotionally charged desires with a desire to love him and help him and to allow him to slowly return to childhood as he must? I am finding this a much easier thing to discuss than to actually do.

Love and blessings to all. And thank you for all your excellent ideas.

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10 years ago  ::  Nov 16, 2008 - 9:07PM #8
Posts: 1,847


This is a circumstance which understandably can  place anyone who is dealing with it in places they might never know they could have gone. 

All anyone can do is their best as often as they can, and be gentle with themselves when overwhelmed by the trying circumstances.

Remember the old saying: "Only the mediocre are always at their best."

You are dealing with a grieving process already dear lady.  Of course you are holding onto hopes he will come back. Who wouldn't?  I cannot imagine what must go through you mind while dealing with this insidious illness.

I hope you will if you already have not considered a professional help guide you through this or even just a very good friend who can validate you and help share this  burden.

Are you able to take time away with another caregiver present?

I have wracked my brain since you posted and all I presently can think of is positive affirmations of your choice for fifteen minutes each day to keep you strong.

Are there care-giving groups in your area which provide temporary respit, or Alzheimer support groups which focus on dealing with this insidious disease?

Above all be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself daily if you need to for not being able to deal with this supreme challenge as excellently as you would like.  Be good to yourself. Do not shut yourself in if you can help it. Keep as normal a life style as you can; go out with friends if possible. 

Have you checked online for Alzheimer's support groups?

Please do not concern yourself with you conscious or unconscious beliefs at this time.  You need all your strength to deal with the present challenge.

Please  feel free to talk with us about your days and let us help you share your burden.  We only stand taller when we place another on our shoulders.  You do not have to go through this alone and it would be an honor to do this for you.

Email me anytime you want.  I understand and I care.

Blessings of peace and oceans of  love and endurance for the day ahead.



PS:  If you need to, contact They can connect you with a caring experienced advisor  - at no charge -  who will provide the guidance you need to fine the senior care opetions that meet your loved one's needs.



Be gentle with yourself and as Gandi said: "Be the change you want to see in others" and I add the world around you will change.
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 17, 2008 - 7:21PM #9
Posts: 0

Thank you so much for your kind concern. We are in the initial stages of this disease and I am in the process of trying to get the V.A. to diagnose it so we can get medication. I have found a support group online, and so far I do not think I need someone to come in. I am in the process also of finding out what is covered by Medicare (we are 67, me, and 76, spouse) and a few days ago I also signed us both up with Humana, a Medicare Advantage program that is very affordable and will take effect in January. This picks up some of what Medicare does not cover. I will certainly contact your suggested website.

 I have no fear of this or any other disease, no dread, as I know that this is but one phase of our lives, earth life, and that it has to end to begin the next phase. He and I have been together many times before and will weather this and be together many times again. My main concern if for my day to day attitude which seems at times to deteriorate. And, sweet girl, you are certainly helping with that!

I love your group, and all that participate here. More later. Do not worry dear girl, I know that we will overcome. I already feel better just from your sweet presence.

Love and hugs, Judy


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