I copied this off another site from Oprah.  Hope you find it interesting.

   

   
       

Cutting remarks, "helpful" suggestions, subtle (or
not-so-subtle) stabs—how to handle these verbal ambushes? You can slink
away, lose your cool…or employ Martha Beck's cleverly adapted martial
arts techniques to turn your attackers' words against them. Hiiiiii-yaa!

"Don't worry, hon," said Theresa's husband, Guy, when she failed to
extinguish all her birthday candles in one breath. "A woman your age
has to be in shape to make wishes come true. You just don't have the
lung capacity." Guy chortled. Theresa's face turned scarlet. The rest
of us chuckled nervously. We were used to Guy, to the jocular way he
planted and twisted stilettos between his wife's ribs. Like most of
Theresa's friends, I'd always found him just charming enough to be
tolerable. But as I watched him serve Theresa's cake, something dawned
on me: Guy was a mean person. He'd intentionally humiliated his wife,
and he did such things often. It was like that moment in a horror movie
when you understand that the rogue car, rather than simply straying off
course, is actively pursuing children and puppies.


I recall an urge to kick Guy in the throat, which I controlled by
reminding myself that it was both illegal and difficult to pull off in
heels. I was studying karate at the time, and though it didn't occur to
me then, I would eventually realize that the basic principles taught at
my dojo could be used to fight evil not just in action but in
conversation as well. I think of it as martial arts of the mind, and if
you're subject to subtle stabs, deliberate snubs, or cutting remarks,
you might find these techniques an effective defense against the Guys
of your world.
Principle 1

Find your fighting stance.

Every form of
martial arts requires a fighting stance that's fluid, flexible, and
centered. Standing this way makes you much less likely to lose your
balance, and if someone jumps you, you can quickly duck or dodge in any
direction without falling.


Physical fighting stances involve balance, alignment, weight
distribution, and posture. A psychological fighting stance is all about
emotional balance: self-acceptance, abiding by your own moral code
(something you're probably doing anyway), forgiving yourself for
failing to reach perfection (this is rarer), and, finally, offering
yourself as much compassion as you'd give a beloved friend (I suspect
some of us need work in this department). Simply put, you must never be
mean to yourself.

This works because cruelty, to be effective,
has to land on a welcoming spot in the victim's belief system. Guy
mocked Theresa's age and lack of physical fitness because he knew she
hated those things about herself. If she hadn't already believed his
insults, they would have left her feeling puzzled but not
devastated—the way I was when I learned that calling someone a
"turtle's egg" is a horrific insult in China. She would have seen Guy
as the pathetic head case he was. And that may have led her to our
second principle.

To Be continued

Principle #3

 

Master Defensive Techniques

All martial arts
teach strategies to deflect different attacks. For instance, I was
taught to defend against a lapel grab with a punching combination
called Crouching Falcon, follow that with a multiple-kick series known
as Returning Viper, and finish with the charmingly titled technique Die
Forever. (I prefer my own techniques, such as Silent Sea Slug, which
entails lying down and hoping things improve, or Disgruntled Panda,
which is mostly curling up and refusing to mate.)


I also learned this closely guarded martial arts secret: Although there
are countless techniques, most fighters need only a few. For instance,
judo star Ronda Rousey has clobbered numberless opponents using the Arm
Bar technique. Her opponents know she’s going to do it, but that
doesn’t keep her from snapping their elbows like dry spaghetti. Each
good technique goes a long, long way. The following are a few that I
highly recommend, in order of degree of difficulty.

Yellow Belt Technique: Trumpet Melodiously


I’m a lifelong fan of “Japlish,” English prose translated from the
Japanese by someone whose sole qualification is owning a
Japanese-to-English dictionary. One classic Japlish instruction, which
I picked up from a car rental company, advised: “When passenger of foot
heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but
if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.”


I borrowed the phrase “trumpet him melodiously” for your first
anti-meanness technique. It’s meant to nip hurtful behavior in the bud.
Use it when someone—say a small child or an engineer—makes a remark
that may or may not be intentionally cruel: “You smell like medicine,”
“I can see through your pants,” “Why don’t you have a neck?”… You can
trumpet him melodiously by saying, “Hey, dude, that’s kind of mean.
Back off, okay?” If the behavior continues, tootle him with vigor by
saying, “I’m serious. You’re out of line. Stop it.”

Practice
these lines until you’re saying them in your sleep, with clear
delivery, calm energy. Then, when you use them in real life, a normal
person will react by immediately ceasing all hurtful behavior, and even
mean people will be taken aback by your directness. They may even begin
to behave themselves. Mission accomplished.

Brown Belt Technique: Zig-Zig


As a martial artist, you’ll need to get used to doing the opposite of
whatever your enemies expect. For example, if someone were to push you
backward, you might push back for a few seconds, then abruptly reverse,
and pull your assailant in the direction he’s pushing. He’d be toppled
by his own momentum.

This is zig-zigging. It works beautifully
on mean people. They expect a fight-or-flight reaction from their
victims—either angry pushback or slinking away. The one thing they
don’t anticipate is relaxed discernment. Scuttle their plans by zigging
instead of zagging, cheerfully accepting any accurate statement they
might make while ignoring their malicious energy.

You can observe this technique in the movie Spanglish,
when a young wife, played by Téa Leoni, lashes out at her mother, “You
were an alcoholic and wildly promiscuous woman during my formative
years, so I’m in this fix because of you!” As the mother, Cloris
Leachman nods and says pleasantly, “You have a solid point, dear. But
right now the lessons of my life are coming in handy for you.” This
response stops the daughter cold, partly because it’s true and partly
because it contains not a whiff of pushback. The mother zigs when the
daughter expects her to zag. The result is peace.

Black Belt Anti-Meanness Technique: Wicked-Kind Parent


If you keep a balanced stance and surround yourself with normal people,
you'll eventually master the black belt skill I've named Wicked-Kind
Parent. Mean people are adept at adopting the tone of a critical
parent, making others unconsciously regress into weak, worried
children. To use this defense, refuse to be infantilized. Instead, use
the only thing that trumps the emotional power of a bad parent: the
emotional power of a good one. This is what happened at Theresa's
birthday party. As Guy served cake and cruelty, Theresa's older sister
Wendy spoke up.

"Now, Guy," she said, in precisely the tone
Supernanny uses with kids on TV, "that kind of petty meanness doesn't
become you. Show us all you can do better." Guy tried to laugh, but a
glance around the room silenced him. Wendy had called on her
good-parent energy to tap a great resource: normal people. Kind people.
Outplayed and outnumbered, Guy slunk away, leaving Theresa to enjoy her
birthday. This is virtually always the outcome when a mental martial
artist encounters a Mean Guy. If you choose the way of the warrior, it
will happen for you.

To be continued

Thank you for this article - just call me "Theresa" BUT I learned from the best there is about rebuttal; now I have to "unlearn" that and let it "go and flow" and change my stance - never much liked fencing anyway.

In essence, turn the other cheek.

Each time we will consciously refuse to strike back in anger or act out
some aggression toward the one who hurts us, we sow the seed of a new
order; a conscious life."