Level 5 Member
Thursday, December 8, 2011, 12:41 AM
I had to break te silence because someone made a statement that was confusing to me. It was one of those statements that made you ponder. You know one of those "Scooby Doo" head shaking moments. You know the look Scooby gives someone when he's puzzled.
They talked about the ego so of course I looked up the definition to make sure we were all on the same page and this is what it said.
Ego is defined as "the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought."
In the twelve step community "Ego" is defined as "Easing God Out."
I heard someone say that some people get ideas and won't allow other people to take over the idea or use the idea because they have to recognized or they what it known that they were the one who originated the idea.
Well, I would say that it depends on what type of idea it was if it is just a simple idea in which there is little money made then yeah who cares whose idea it was.
But if your talking about an idea in which there is much profit to be made why would someone turn their idea completely over to another person to profit and gain absoluately nothing from it especailly if their in financial need.
Example: If I have an idea in which you can make $125,000 in one day and I also known how to plan the event is it not right that I also profit from it?
I would consider that common sense and not ego. I am sure that if someone had an idea say for a book and they wrote the book would they turn the book and its profits over the publisher because the publisher said they think that they are operating out of ego?
Someone with common sense would say no that's not ego that is "business."
Sunday, December 4, 2011, 8:59 AM
There's a rule that says: "Silence Is Golden" and because I have the gift of discernment and I can usually see behaviors and traps before they happen I am taking the next couple of weeks to practice silence.
I get hearing God syas "Be still and know that I am God." I want to make a move but I can't so I am going to practice silence and see what the outcome will be.
Pray for me!
Saturday, December 3, 2011, 10:43 PM
I was asked to discuss why women spray their territory. Well, let's see, first of all it's because she wants you to know that that particular person is taken and don't you dare cross that invisible line that she has just encircled around him.
This may be imaginary! But in her mind it exists.
Some women are like cats! She needs you to recognize her! O.k. Now that I've seen you. Now what! Of course, that won't be enough, what she really wants is for you to get lost. You know like that Michael Jackson song "beat it."
If you don't take heed things can get even more complicated especially if she has any kind of power. So, what do you do? If your at any event where she's in attendance go, socialize and then remove yourself.
Don't play games that you should have stopped playing in junior high school.
1. Using her friends and co-workers to befriend you to keep close contact so that she can know if your with him or not.
2. Bumping you ever so slightly when she's around, you know, the accidentially on purpose move.
3. Using other people to tell her want you said to him and how he responded.
4. Maybe he squeezed your upper arm and she walks by and squeezes your shoulder to let you know that she knows.
5. She acts as if you and her or now friends when you don't even know her. Example: Approaching you with a fake smile and saying a couple of words and then walking off.
6. Using his friends to find out about his whereabouts or keep you away, etc.
I don't know you could probably add to this list but the just of is don't play the game!
What she needs is called "Psycho-therapy." Fear shows up in many forms and one of the major ones is jealousy.
So what your actually dealing with is a jealous woman who is acting emotionally immature.
If your a mature woman (A grown woman) don't take it personal. She's used to getting rid of people with those tactics and they probably have worked in the past UNTIL NOW.
Understand and know what your dealing with and have the number of a good therapist on hand in case you have to slip her the number.
If none of those things work be prepared to tell him whats going on.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011, 2:10 PM
I hear the new sexy is healthy! I just got a Ninja (Juicer, etc) machine. And of course, I'm obessing over it so can someone send me recipes for healthy juices and drinks that have been proved to be healthy and tested by the sender. Please forward.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011, 1:39 AM
Yeah! I had to talk about it because more and more of my sisters are involved in them.
So, let's see what they're all about.
Psychologically it is said that love triangles are very complicated. Most people don't seek them out --- at least not consciously. They just seem to happen. One moment you are happy and single. The next thing you know your in love with someone who is married.
Or you are happily married and realize that your partner is seeing someone else. Sane people get out of love triangles as soon as they realize they are in one. Love Addicts stay in them hoping things will change in time. This is because love addicts can't let go. They have no tolerance for separation anxiety. Once they have bonded with someone, letting go is like death to them. They kill themselves or they kill someone in the triangle. The media is full of Crimes of the Heart.
One of the reasons why the love addict as a tolerance for the pain of a love triangle is because when they were children the natural triangle between the mother, father and child, went horribly wrong. Usually the child was rejected by one of the parents and incested by the other--not necessary sexual incest but certainly covert or emotional incest. The rejection/incest magnifies the triangle.
The Obedipus experience, in which the child adores one parent and is in competition with the other, is not outgrown with little impact on the child's future. Instead it becomes rooted in the childs psyche and wounds him or her.
As this means that the triangle is familiar and some respects comfortable. This, in turn, means that the person as a high tolerance for the pain and suffering of a love triangle once they get involved in one.
Futhermore, some love addicts try to resolve the wounds of their childhood by re-creating the triangle of their childhood--over and over again. they are obessed with the idea that things will end differently each time. Unfortunately, this is not how you heal the wounds of childhood. You don't go back to the scene of the crime and commit the crime all over again. You go back to the scene of the crime in therapy with an enlightened witness to guide you. You go back to grieve, forgive, let go and move on.
There are also those who except the down side of the triangle for the ecstasy that often goes with it. Traingles can be like roller coasters. When one person in the triangle is momentarily, the forerunner, he are she is as high as a kite. But everyone pays such a high price for the thrill of being chosen at any given moment--the winner of the competition.
This, too, is often tied in with the Obedipus experience in which the child is trying to get the parent she adores to chose her over the other parent.
They most important thing to know about triangles is that they are unhealthy, painful and potentially dangerous
Information was obtained from:
For those who are familiar with the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 69 (get it) 69! There is information on taking a sex inventory. It says "we reviewed our conduct over the years past. Then it says where have we been selfish, dishones, or inconsiderate? Whom have we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? where were at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.
In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test --- was it selfish or not?
We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be depised and loathed.
In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter.
Yes, a sex inventory so that we no longer leave victims, hold hostages, mantipulate and control to to get what we what.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011, 1:48 PM
I made a decision yesterday and it was a very painful decision because in making the decision I had to let go of someone very, very close to me. (My Mother) The relationship was TOXIC!
Toxic relationships are defined by a pattern of destructive criticism, manipulating, bitterness, negative attitudes and a history of verbal or physical abuse. Maybe your partner puts you down in front of other people, you’re thoughts and opinions are discredited, you’re made to constantly feel stupid and like a child. The wild turbulence and all the energy that often goes into these relationships can exhaust you physically, emotionally and mentally. Another point to understand here is that toxic relationships never improve by themselves. You could try and understand what their feelings are about you and why they treat you the way that they do, but you could end up just spinning your wheels in frustration. My advice is to remove yourself from negative relationships. You have every right to determine whom you do, and do not, want to associate with. Every single person has the ability to make choices based on their ideals and attitudes. If you find that you always feel like garbage after hanging out with a particular group of people, then DON’T ASSOCIATE WITH THOSE PEOPLE. If you’re finding that your family gatherings are incredibly stressful cling to the one family member that you do enjoy and care about. Have the attitude that maybe this is just a yearly thing so all you have to do is survive it. You also can choose to not attend family gatherings where participants are going to be hostile with yourself and one another. Once you fail to show up at more and more gatherings, people may start to realize how they’ve been acting and reach out to you. If not, then who cares? It’s ok to let go of them. Remember that you always have the power to choose and the person who is going to help you the most is………..you allthingsdepression.com/2011/02/toxic-re...
It was toxic because every time I left the company of my mother I left feeling bad about myself, unloved, unwanted and depressed. I know, your thinking but that's your Mom. While do Moms have the right to leave you feeling worthless and depressed for days after talking to them?
I should have been out of that relationship and cut my ties long time ago.
But what if it isn't that easy! What happens if the person is as close to you as a person can get. A relative. Blood of your blood, bone of your bone.
And it's really not easy if you grew up thinking and being lead to believe that "YOU ARE THE PROBLEM."
You know it really doesn't work well when you have a group of supportive people who validate your worth on a daily basis and your self esteem as grown so much that you have learned to set boundries.
Before meeting these group of people my self-esteem was really, really low. I grew up being told that I wasn't nothing (actually he used the other word), wouldn't be nothing, and wouldn't amount to nothing! (My Step-father)
So consequently, I sabotaged anything good that can into my life because I didn't think I was worth it.
It's different today!
I met a group of people who loved me until I learned to love myself. I had a sponsor who told me to look in the mirror everyday and tell myself that I loved myself.
I still suffer from depression (which is anger turned inward) and I have learned how not to stay in it to long. I write a graditude list.
I also call that sponsor who tells me "Do Yourself A Favor, Stay Out Of Your Head and Leave Yourself Alone."
She also taught me to go where the love is not where it isn't (meaning associate with people who love and care about you and leave the others alone).
You know these people have little slogans like "Keep It Simple Stupid" , "Take It Easy", One Day At A Time."
And they tell you things like "Stop Doing the Same Thing Expecting Different Results."
But most of all they taught me that when I get into a relationship to make a decision of whether or not I can except that person for being just the way they are (with all their character defects) and not go into the realtionship trying to change them or thinking one day they will change because they may never change and if you can't except them for being just the way they are right now today leave them alone.
Don't come cry'in about what someone did to you but look at your part in it. What did you do to cause the reaction from that person? Always look at me!
What I realize in toxic relationships is that I can never be me. I am unable to express who I am. The other person is constantly trying to change me. You don't do this right! You said the wrong thing! Don't look like that look like this!
Oh Lord! It's just to much. I know who I am today. I know my likes and dislikes and I like me.
And evidently you don't cause your constantly trying to change me!
So I had to say good-bye to toxic and save myself from continuous pain. Because one thing pain will do and that is motivate you to change.
Here's a quote that I liked I thought I would end my post with
Healthy love must be nurturing. It is not only about what you are, who you are now- but what you may become. The potential of the human spirit for growth, love and awareness. Therefore, for me, love is about unlocking the potential of the other- not stymieing it with judgment. Instead nurturing. It is an awareness of your beloveds potential. I have seen relationships where one or both people are choked - where their love has become an albatross- an antidote to the fear of being alone not a mysterious adventure. To often humans judge and judge and judge - nothing more is this than extension of ego- destroying communication and cutting off the vitality needed in a healthy relationship. My answer to this is thanks, but no thanks.
Monday, November 28, 2011, 8:49 PM
Ambivalent Love Addicts
Ambivalent lovers crave love but also fear it. Because of their ambivalence they do one or more of the following.
They avoid intimacy altogether by experiencing love through romantic fanasties about unavailable people.
They only get involved with people who are emotionally unavailable.
They prefer romantic affairs compared to committed relationships
They sabotage relationships with available people when their fear of intimacy comes up they initiate relationships with more than one person at a time in order to avoid moving to a deeper level with any one person
They sexualize a relationship to such a degree that emtional initimacy is non-existent
They fall in love but avoid commitment
Ambivalent Love Addicts (ALA’s) crave love but also fear it. Because of their ambivalenAce, they do one or more of the following:
They avoid intimacy altogether by only experiencing love through romantic fantasies about unavailable people.
They only get involved with people who are emotionally unavailable.
They prefer romantic affairs to committed relationships.
They sabotage relationships with available people when their fear of intimacy comes up.
They initiate relationships with more than one person at the same time in order to avoid moving to a deeper level with any one person.
They sexualize relationships to such a degree that emotional intimacy is non-existent.
They fall in love but avoid commitment.
Sunday, November 27, 2011, 9:13 PM
As usual I wanted to discuss a issue which affects us all Love Addiction. One of the reasons I wanted to discuss it is because I grow up with a person who was emotionally and psychologically distant and because of that I have to be careful because I can easily be attracted to someone who is distant or withholds love.
The love addict information was taken from loveaddicts.org/ambivalent.html
Here is that characterists of a love addict:
Love addicts come in many forms. Some love addicts carry a torch for unavailable people. Some love addicts obsess when they fall in love. Some love addicts get addicted to the euphoric effects of romance. Others can not let go of a toxic relationship even if they are unhappy, depressed, loney, neglected or in danger.
Some love attacks or codepent and other or narcisstic. Some love addicts use sex to manage feelings; others are sexually anorexic. What we all have in common is that we are powerless over our distroted thoughts, feelings and behavior when it comes to love. fanasties and relationships.
Here are 40 questions to determine if you are a love addict or not. If you answer more than a couple with yes, you are a love addict.
- You are very needy when it comes to relationships.
- You fall in love very easily and too quickly.
- When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing—even to do important things. You can’t help yourself.
- Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.
- When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner.
- More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.
- Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go.
- When you are attracted to someone, you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good for you.
- Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner. Falling in love over time does not appeal to you and is not an option.
- When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy. The rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people.
- When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship.
- You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.
- Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.
- In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.
- You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship.
- You cannot stand being alone. You do not enjoy your own company.
- More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.
- You are terrified of never finding someone to love.
- You feel inadequate if you are not in a relationship.
- You cannot say no when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you.
- You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be. You will do anything to please him or her—even abandon yourself (sacrifice what you want, need and value).
- When you are in love, you only see what you want to see. You distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies.
- You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships. You are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation anxiety (what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with).
- More than once, you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing.
- You love romance. You have had more than one romantic interest at a time even when it involved dishonesty.
- You have stayed with an abusive person.
- Fantasies about someone you love, even if he or she is unavailable, are more important to you than meeting someone who is available.
- You are terrified of being abandoned. Even the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible.
- You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds.
- When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous.
- More than once, you have neglected family or friends because of your relationship.
- You have no impulse control when you are in love.
- You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with.
- More than once, you have spied on someone you are in love with.
- You pursue someone you are in love with even if he or she is with another person.
- If you are part of a love triangle (three people), you believe all is fair in love and war. You do not walk away.
- Love is the most important thing in the world to you.
- Even if you are not in a relationship, you still fantasize about love all the time— either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life someday.
- As far back as you can remember, you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies.
- You feel powerless when you fall in love—as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell. You lose your ability to make wise choices.
oneThthe or more of the following:
Sunday, November 27, 2011, 7:51 PM
Due to the economic status of the economy and how it has affected the Real Estate Industry which I am in it has caused me to be finacially devastated. I hate to say it but I will not be attending the COR for a while I will have to travel local until things change financially. So, I need you to know that no one has said or done anything to me.
PEACE AND LOVE!
Sunday, November 27, 2011, 2:22 AM
I would like to pose a question and the question is where is all this media and concern about Bishop Noel Jones when he giving to the needy or helping others?
Where was the web and the media when we fed people thanksgiving dinner and passed out free food and blankets along with the Salvation Army? And were runnin' around sweatin' like runaway slaves?
Where was all this news when Bishop announced that he has adopted a whole town in Jamaica and is feeding and clothing those people out of his own pocket?
Where was the media when he announced that the church hasn't paid him in a year?
Now, here's one for you what about when he flies into "Nowhere" Mississippi and preaches a sermon while accompanied by other preachers who don't like him and won't even stand up to say Amen and Bishop doesn't except money from the church but gives them money and leaves. And then has to go over a mountain, down the hill and through a cave to get home.
How about when he loans people his money and he can't get it back and instead they tell him he ain't sh@!. You got the picture.
Why don't we stop drinking hater ade and support him! How about his friends call him up on the phone and see if he's o.k. or if he needs anything.
This can't be easy for him.
You know some church folk act like gangbangers! Cause' someone ain't from your set or your hood you have to hoo bang on em.'
Some of us ain't no different than gangsters except we dress well and show up on Sundays!
Like me tell you something about us at the City of Refuge, yeah, we fight amongst our selves cause we family and you know family knows where the pots and pans are but believe this we stick together. AND BELIEVE THAT!
Bishop, It's O.K. We'll Be Right!
KEEEP YOUR HEAD UP BISHOP WE GOT YOUR BACK!!!