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Switch to Forum Live View How do you teach to be honest to your kids or grandkids?
5 years ago  ::  Nov 12, 2009 - 4:20PM #1
Busybee123
Posts: 15

Sometimes I feel it is so hard to teach kids that to be honest is a good thing. Because to tell someone the truth sometimes hurt her/himself, and it might damage their relationship as well. Then they will get scared to be honest too. I don't know what is the best way to tell them to be honest is a good thing. Maybe we have to teach that sometimes it is better not to be honest??? Like we have a word "White Lie." Thoughts???

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 12, 2009 - 7:46PM #2
REteach
Posts: 14,439

Role model.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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5 years ago  ::  Nov 12, 2009 - 9:56PM #3
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

"role model" yep.


Dar

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 13, 2009 - 9:28AM #4
Farmergirl
Posts: 57

No brainer.  Modeling.

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 13, 2009 - 11:41AM #5
piecesofthewhole
Posts: 1,380

I don't know if I agree that this is a "no brainer" question.  Honesty, when truly examined, is complicated (or so I find).  I think there are layers and levels to both honesty and dishonesty...


With my kids, I definitely stress honesty as a virtue... and it takes all sorts of forms... This morning, for example, one of my girls told me she lost her sweatshirt...well, what she said was, "I think I left it at school, but then I went and looked in the lost and found and it wasn't there...why didn't they put it in the lost and found"...so that quick to pass blame, I feel is dishonest...I had a talk with her about accepting responsibility and fault (but not dwelling)... But on the other hand, there have been many times where i pretended to be scared, or surprised by them "suddenly" popping out at me... and that's not really honest either.


 


i think it's multi-layered.

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 13, 2009 - 11:46AM #6
Tolerant Sis
Posts: 4,201

If you are choosing to be less than honest, you should also tell your kids why.  


"I know Grandma's pie didn't taste good, honey, I think she left the sugar out of it.  But it would hurt her feelings unless we tell her we liked it."  


"Mr. Fisher knows he has a wooden leg, dear. That's why it's so hard to keep up with you when he walks you to the playground.  But there isn't anything he can do about it, so when he asks you if he's walking too slow, the kind thing to do is say 'no'."  


"Aunt Sally's baby is having trouble learning not to bite people, honey.  But when she asks you if you're hurt, it only makes her feel worse that she can't stop Nate from biting if you make a big fuss."


"Yes, I know Uncle Bill's pants didn't match his shirt.  He probably got dressed in the dark and didn't notice.  But we don't need to point it out to him, because there isn't anything he can do about it right now, anyhow."

First amendment fan since 1793.
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5 years ago  ::  Nov 17, 2009 - 1:52PM #7
Busybee123
Posts: 15

Thank you all for your advice!


I understand that children learn from what their parents do. They reflect us! That is why sometimes I struggle with, because when we get older there are things that go well by not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes we need to find a way to balance you with other people, especially, when we are belonged to groups or communities.


I think telling your kids “WHY” is a great idea! The kids may also understand my struggle as well. I like the expression “multi-layered.” I think it really depends on the situation and the person we interact with.

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 25, 2009 - 2:43PM #8
Rethink-thinking
Posts: 1

Children will learn better from the ones that are sorrounding them. They are very good observers and will copy that and do it either in your face or somewhere, somehow behind your sight. As an adult, you need to have the judgement to condone some behavior and deter others. The key is consistency. If you dont want your child to do something, talk about it with them, and if you think that its hard to talk to kids, especially yours, then revisit your strategy and encoperate elders to help you talk to them. When teaching children, not only should you emphasize on what not to do, but also what needs to be done and reward them. It would have been better if there was a "case" in your question to respond to.


The policy of "do as I say, not as I do" will not work best when you are teaching someone, including adults to something you want them to do in a way you want it to be. I believe communication, not only by talking the talk, but also being in the act, would help you develp the childrens' learn a better way of life.

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2009 - 1:25PM #9
Busybee123
Posts: 15

He, Rethink-Thinking!


Thank you for sharing your thought! I totally agree with you and especially the part you talked about that "communication is , not only by talking the talk, but also being in the act."


It is amazing that I also learn a lot from being with my kid, which is a great thing.

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