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Sticky: Political Funnies & Other Internet Findings
3 years ago  ::  Dec 28, 2012 - 2:19PM #721
Cesmom
Posts: 5,672

Any guilty Bnet posters out there?  lol



Our need to learn should always outweigh our need to be right

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.
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3 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2013 - 12:52AM #722
TENAC
Posts: 29,859

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
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3 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2013 - 1:04AM #723
TENAC
Posts: 29,859

Dec 28, 2012 -- 2:19PM, Cesmom wrote:


Any guilty Bnet posters out there?  lol






Thats funny. 


Sounds like southern grammar rules to me!

Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
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3 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2013 - 11:36AM #724
Cesmom
Posts: 5,672

Our need to learn should always outweigh our need to be right

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.
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3 years ago  ::  Jan 15, 2013 - 10:11PM #725
TENAC
Posts: 29,859



Not really funny though.

Moderated by Stardove on May 16, 2013 - 01:28AM
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
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3 years ago  ::  Jan 18, 2013 - 8:20PM #726
stitch813
Posts: 5,519

Jan 10, 2013 -- 11:36AM, Cesmom wrote:


I like this one!

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3 years ago  ::  Feb 07, 2013 - 8:17PM #727
TENAC
Posts: 29,859

A Republican man in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one


afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.
He looked across the restaurant and asked,
 
"Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
 
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested
that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
 
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a
hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down,
and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea.
 
He also glanced across the restaurant and asked,
"Is that Jesus, over there?"
 
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give
Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
 
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a
Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth,
sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey!  How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Budweiser
.


 


He too looked across the restaurant and asked,


 


"Isn't that God's boy over there?


 


The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give him a cold beer.  "On my tab," he said loudly.


 


As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."


 


The Republican felt strength come back into his legs, got up, and walked out the door, thankful to Jesus.


 


Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said,  "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening, and grateful to the Lord, he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and walked out the door.


 


Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.


(I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!)


 


The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me...I'm collecting disability."

Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
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3 years ago  ::  Feb 16, 2013 - 2:20PM #728
TENAC
Posts: 29,859

Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
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2 years ago  ::  May 04, 2013 - 6:31PM #729
TENAC
Posts: 29,859

Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
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2 years ago  ::  May 04, 2013 - 6:39PM #730
TENAC
Posts: 29,859

Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
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