Post Reply
Page 1 of 97  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 97 Next
Switch to Forum Live View
Sticky: Political Funnies
7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 4:00PM #1
TENAC
Posts: 25,608
Why not a thread from email forwards we think worthy?!  Maybe it should go at the top with the saloon and other "non-political" musings.
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 4:00PM #2
TENAC
Posts: 25,608
Language is the source of misunderstandings"
Antone de Saint-Exupery

When in England at a large conference, Colin Powell was asked
by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just
an example of empire building' by George Bush.

He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has
sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to
fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land
we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that
did not return."
It became very quiet in the room.
**************

Then there was a conference in France where a number of
international engineers were taking part, including French and
American. During a break one of the French engineers came back
into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush
has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help
the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?"

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers
have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred
people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency
electrical power to shore facilities; they have three
cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a
day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water
from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen
helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and
from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many
does France have?"
Once again, dead silence.
*****************

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that
included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian
and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself
standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel
from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in
English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral
suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many
languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why
is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences
rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe its
because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it
so you wouldn't have to speak German'
You could have heard a pin drop!
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 4:02PM #3
TENAC
Posts: 25,608
Indian Chief, "Two Eagles," was asked by a white government official,
"You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and
his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage
he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then
calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it. No taxes,
No debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, Clean Water; women did all the
work, medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing;
all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to
think he can improve system like that."
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 5:01PM #4
Find1Answer
Posts: 7,261
Indian built small fire, stand close to it.
White man built big fire,  stand far away.
"I don’t care if the federal government is telling me to buy my employees Jack Daniel’s or birth control. What gives them the right to tell me that I have to do that? That’s my issue, that’s what I object to, and that’s the beginning and end of the story."

This hint that Potter had merely swaddled an anti-government rant within a "religious" blanket illustrates the main problem with Justice Samuel Alito's majority opinion in Hobby Lobby: it takes claims of religious scruples for granted.

http://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-mh-expanded-hobby-lobby-20140702-column.html#page=1
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 7:26PM #5
drawout
Posts: 5,909
TENAC

Why not a thread from email forwards we think worthy?! Maybe it should go at the top with the saloon and other "non-political" musings.



Great idea! lets try it

'When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.' - Mark Twain
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 06, 2008 - 4:45PM #6
drawout
Posts: 5,909
I'm trying to help TENAC. Its a good Idea,but are you going to make me do all the work?
You know whats gonna happen ..http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/pol … epub.shtml
'When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.' - Mark Twain
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 06, 2008 - 8:30PM #7
TENAC
Posts: 25,608
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez,
the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who
said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the
people, by the people, for the people, shall not peris h from the
earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro,
who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1
836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If you
say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws an eraser at Pedro, another student shouted

"Duck"!

The teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?

Pedro says "Dick Cheney 2006!"
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 06, 2008 - 8:39PM #8
TENAC
Posts: 25,608
In 1923,

Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men
were considered
some of the worlds most successful
of  their days.

Now,
80 years later,
the history book asks us,
if we know
what ultimately became of them.
'


The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas
company,
Edward Hopson,
went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney,
was released from prison
to
die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,
died abroad, penniless.

5. The president
of
the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,
also committed suicide.

However:
in that same year,
1923,
the PGA Champion
and
the winner of
the
US Open,
was
Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92,
died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
at the time of his death.

The Moral:

Screw work.
Play golf.
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 06, 2008 - 8:40PM #9
TENAC
Posts: 25,608
[QUOTE=drawout;192684]I'm trying to help TENAC. Its a good Idea,but are you going to make me do all the work?
You know whats gonna happen ..http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/pol … epub.shtml[/QUOTE]

lol....noooo, I got a bunch of these.

I will add a couple few days to keep it fresh, but I would think with all the politically minded on this board, there would be hundreds being sent to them daily.
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Jan 06, 2008 - 8:44PM #10
TENAC
Posts: 25,608
While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.

After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.

Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating."

"Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock...

"we've never had a Democrat in the family before!"
Any man can count the seeds in an apple....
.......but only God can count the apples in the seeds.
Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 97  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 97 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook