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Switch to Forum Live View Son still will not believe me HELP
6 years ago  ::  Jan 01, 2008 - 11:45AM #1
maimeo
Posts: 1
I have been accused of reporting my son/daughterinlaw to DSS in the West  Coast. Im in the East. I have recorded phone messages with the social services(it was allowed) wanting to know why they call me concerning the welfare of my grandchild, I'm 3000 miles away. In addition to talking with the DSS director I had sent letters out and received correspondence indicating that it was not me.
My son and a dui and my daughter in law was upset(she had the right to be upset). Also my daughter in law filed for a divorce (took her friend). I know this is confusing please try to understand.
Now my son is blaming his brother for doing it.

I have been told by DSS that the complaint was not from me nor from a male. I have sent all the proof to my son and daughterinlaw. Still I am not allowed to tallk to my grandchild(who is 2yr) not allowed to get pictures of my childchild. Plus when my sons brother went out to visit he was not allowed to take pictures in case I was a picture. This issue was 4/07.

When I had open heart surgery 6/07 the first words I said was "I didnt do it". Then in 7/07 my daughterinlaw and grandchild came home but never once called or brought my grandchild to visit.

If there is anyone who has anything to help me get my family back together.
thank you all
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 01, 2008 - 3:36PM #2
windwizard
Posts: 748
When I read your post, my heart filled with sorrow for you.  I am a grandma of a now 3 yr old, and I could never imagine not having contact with her. It  would break my  heart im certain. I must say though I dont think your daughter-in-law really believes you did anything, she is using this as yet another way to hurt your son. He did something out of context in this marriage, didnt he?  I do work as a clairvoyant, and although I never make promises or guarentees on what I offer, I do relay any messages I get with hopes you will understand the content.
I feel strong on the issue of something your son has done to anger this woman, whether intentional or not she currently holds what appears to be all the cards where this child is concerned.  Try to talk with your son and see what is really going on --- perhaps his brother might have a bit more insight as well.  Do not push anyone, or threaten......slowly but in time I do see you visiting with this child, but not right away it will be some months down the road.
Again I feel your pain and pray all works in the best interest of this little child sooner than later.  Afterall what is best for the child is what is best for all concerned.
May God be with you ......
~~WIND~~
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 02, 2008 - 6:15PM #3
shelbystretchneck
Posts: 9
Grandma, I too am a grandma with an idiot daughter and sil.  Sometimes our kids are stupid and it is not our fault.  Sometimes adult children use their children as a weapon against Grandparents. I too have been completely cut off from my grandkids who live only 300 yards away.  One is just turning 3 and the other 6 months.  My situation is just as unreasonable and stupid.

I know you did not call DSS.  Let's pretend though just for one second that you did.  Is it wrong to be enough concerned about your grandkid's welfare when you are 3,000mile away to call?  You know, if the kids are ok and nothing is wrong then the parents have nothing to be concerned about.    DSS will not remove children from a home or anything else if all is kosher.    This is just one more person looking out for their children.  As a parent they should be grateful not vengful.

But maybe it is not entirely kosher.  Maybe they were afraid DSS would not only find out something but maybe do something about it.   

Now let's get back to what really happened or in this case did not happen.   You did not call DSS.   You do not owe any proof of this for the reasons already mentioned.   your kids are mad.  You just happen to be a handy target, one they can punish.  They feel a need to punish someone, and Grandma you are the easiest one they can do this to. 

Unfortunately it is our grandkids who suffer for this.  This breaks our hearts the most.   
They are the parents and they do hold all the cards.  Unless you want to fight this out in court to claim your grandparent's rights there is not much you can do at this point.

Sometimes our kids and sons or daughters in law are just angry people angry at the world.  Angry because they have a sense of entitlement or a sense of powerlessness or what ever.   The bottom line is they are adults and if they choose to stay this way it is their choice.  They will continue to raise the kids as they see fit.    Sometimes I wonder, are they jealous when their kids have a good relationship with grandparents.   

Anyway these are parents without confidence in their own parenting and strike out at us because of their own sense of inadequacy.  Have you been told you criticize or don't approve of them in some way?  I bet you have heard this even if you never said a negative thing.  They do this because under everything they feel they are inadequate.   You can not fix that.
Once they cut you off you can not fix anything.

It is really really hard to be in our shoes.   If you need to, talk to someone who will listen but don't expect to resume a relationship with your grandkids.  The parents are childish and are unreasonable and will not let it happen.

We need to fill our lives with other things and people.  So sorry this has happened.   (((HUG)))  You did nothing wrong.

I must say I agree with wind wizard.  Your dil knows you did not do this as does your son.  Your grandkids make a great weapon against you because the parents know it does hurt.  It give the parent a sense of power and control they do not seem to feel otherwise.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 03, 2008 - 9:03AM #4
IreneAdler
Posts: 2,849
Am so sorry that you are being denied access to your grand child. IN the end the child suffers as they lose out on a loving relationship- can't have too many of those.


Maybe it’s time to consult an attorney regarding grandparent rights regarding seeing your grandchild.  And I suggest this independent of whether or not anyone believes that you contacted DSS. Rather, since there is a divorce here your rights regarding visitation of your grandkid need to be protected.


Irene.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 03, 2008 - 9:03AM #5
IreneAdler
Posts: 2,849
Am so sorry that you are being denied access to your grand child. IN the end the child suffers as they lose out on a loving relationship- can't have too many of those.


Maybe it’s time to consult an attorney regarding grandparent rights regarding seeing your grandchild.  And I suggest this independent of whether or not anyone believes that you contacted DSS. Rather, since there is a divorce here your rights regarding visitation of your grandkid need to be protected.


Irene.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 03, 2008 - 10:47AM #6
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
There is more to this story.   My father in law could have written a "my son won't let me see my grandkids" letter.  And you would all JUMP to bash my husband and I.  However, daddy-dearest, would neglect to mention his failure to support his children financially, mentally, and spiritually.  He would neglect to mention calling the MOTHER of his grandchildren a "Trashy whore who will be put out with the garbage".  He would also neglect to mention that he took his daughter's children out to the zoo, lunch, mini-golf, and a movie while not even coming to visit his son's children, who were in town after a 14 hour drive.  He would neglect to mention that his son TRIED to bring the kids to see him, after the 14 hour drive, but he could never make time to be home or meet his son anywhere.
How about we get the WHOLE story before automatically assuming that the complainant is always right?
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 03, 2008 - 9:40PM #7
IHOP
Posts: 2,180

Tmarie64 wrote:


How about we get the WHOLE story before automatically assuming that the complainant is always right?




Short of the other person posting on here, there's always going to be an unheard side.  the best we can do is ask clear questions, follow up on the answers, and bring our particular experiences to help round out the story.

Thanks for your side T.

Shelby adn maimeo.... can you expand on your experience, possibly viewing their point of view?

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 12, 2008 - 4:46AM #8
Pochahantus
Posts: 134
[QUOTE=maimeo;178799]I have been accused of reporting my son/daughterinlaw to DSS in the West  Coast. Im in the East. I have recorded phone messages with the social services(it was allowed) wanting to know why they call me concerning the welfare of my grandchild, I'm 3000 miles away. In addition to talking with the DSS director I had sent letters out and received correspondence indicating that it was not me.
My son and a dui and my daughter in law was upset(she had the right to be upset). Also my daughter in law filed for a divorce (took her friend). I know this is confusing please try to understand.
Now my son is blaming his brother for doing it.

I have been told by DSS that the complaint was not from me nor from a male. I have sent all the proof to my son and daughterinlaw. Still I am not allowed to tallk to my grandchild(who is 2yr) not allowed to get pictures of my childchild. Plus when my sons brother went out to visit he was not allowed to take pictures in case I was a picture. This issue was 4/07.

When I had open heart surgery 6/07 the first words I said was "I didnt do it". Then in 7/07 my daughterinlaw and grandchild came home but never once called or brought my grandchild to visit.

If there is anyone who has anything to help me get my family back together.
thank you all[/QUOTE]
Sorry to hear about your problems. Why not try to have DSS talk to them and tell them flat out it wasnt you or his brother who did the calls.

It is hard on all involved when DSS comes into play especially when the calls that are made are untrue. Even if eventually they are unfounded(which means they didnt find any proof to justify the call or accusations being made) it still causes much stress on all involved.

But if the calls are justified in anyway shape or form then you go into a whole different ball game. The Accused parent(s) try to look for a way out of the mess they have gotten themselves into. Which 9 times out of 10 doesnt work in their favor.

But in either case the first reaction is to find out who did it and take action accordingly. Trust me I have been on the recieveing end of this ever ending YOYO of false calls and lies and manipulation and it is no fun and my case was due to a family member and her best friend.

So be patient and understanding with your Son and daughter in law they are probably both hurt by this and just are lashing out at the closest thing which is you. DSS always calls to different family members during an investigation sometimes to filll them in on what is going on and in the process come up with potental Foster home with in the family either by asking or making note of how they react or what they say or just by the family member saying Ill take the child/ren if needed. So that is most likely why they called you.

But having them tell your son personally should clear up any doubt.. But pray and just be patient this will go over and hopefully your Son gets the help he needs and they both wake up and realize the children need their grandparent(s)..
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