Important Announcement

See here for an important message regarding the community which has become a read-only site as of October 31.

Post Reply
Page 1 of 2  •  1 2 Next
11 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2007 - 12:30AM #1
Posts: 25
I don’t feel that I’m spoiling my granddaughter by giving her what she needs as soon as I can. I don’t see the point behind waiting until a child becomes overly fussy and fretful when their patience breaks. I figure as she gets older she’ll understand that sometimes in life you have to wait. But I wonder at what point would it be considered spoiling her by giving in too quickly? Is there really a way to know that?
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Oct 18, 2007 - 9:04PM #2
Posts: 2,179
Theres a difference between what a child NEEDS and what they WANT.  They are not always synonymous.

Also, how old is the child?  An older child can learn to wait and develop patience, while a younger one needs to have NEEDS met.

so, what exactly are you talking about?
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 4:39AM #3
Posts: 25
[QUOTE=IHOP;7239]Theres a difference between what a child NEEDS and what they WANT.  They are not always synonymous.

Also, how old is the child?  An older child can learn to wait and develop patience, while a younger one needs to have NEEDS met.

so, what exactly are you talking about?[/QUOTE]

My granddaughter is 18 months old. I don't think she's old enough to understand the difference between a want and a need. That will come with time, IMO opinion anyway.
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 12:19PM #4
Posts: 2,179
My 15 month old is able to understand the words "no" and "wait."  Those are important due to safety issues even.

The necessaries are: food, clothing, love, and attention.  (and sometimes clothing is optional :D :D )

Too much food, you have to worry about obesity.  Too much clothing results in too much laundry.  No such thing as too much love, except if the love doesn't teach any boundaries.  Too much attention, then the child is unable to entertain themselves.

So, at 18 months, yes, distinguishing between a need and a want may be difficult for the child, so the parent must do it for them.

They may want another banana.  They may be hungry enough for another banana.  But as a Mommy, I know that if she eat this third banana, then she'll have constipation issues.  So, I offer something else instead.

I guess my point is, that it IS possible to spoil an 18 month old, however, it is possible to set limits without depriving the child either.

(did I make sense?)

(and sense we have no details on the situation you are presenting, I am making NO judgment on what you have been doing)
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 12:39PM #5
Posts: 326
Ok..I'm gonna add a further do so..I will tell of my own personal situation.
I raised 3 boys by myself...I also have a younger brother that my mother raised.
I taught my boys that they were not the most important people in the world.
I taught them that the world was cold and mean..and it is.
I instilled a sense of self opposed to self esteem..which I think is detrimental to no one is "good enough" just cuz they were born..being good is something you achieve..not an entitlement.
So now they are grown..they work hard..are successful and happy.
Everything they try to do is successfull.
My mother raised me that brother is 19..she didnt raise him that way.
He never had any all.
He acted up at school..she made excuses for him..he dropped out at 16..Mom just said "I dont think they challenged his intellect enouh..he got bored".
So now he is is 67..and cannot retire cuz of the extra car payment, for a 300 pound spoiled 19 year old..she is gonna die at work probably...meanwhile he sits on his ass all day eating and playing video games.
THAT my spoiled.
Thinking the world revolves around you..
Thinking you are special and above everyone else
Believing that mom and dad are servants and givers of frivolous gifts
Thinking that a family means just you.
That is spoiled.
It is crippling..when Mom dies..I'll get a knock on the door from a spoiled, 300 pound man who has had life handed to him....I'll answer the door..but my wallet will remain closed.
If you dont raise a kid..he eventualy has to raise himself.
As for grandparents..spoil away!!!!
Then send them home..hehehe....
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2007 - 2:53PM #6
Posts: 1,360
That's just evil Steve, but true. My mom spoils my little sandtrout and then sends him on home. So of course every day he asks, "Go to Nanas?" It's a grandparents right to spoil....unless you are living with the child, that's a different story. Kids can't be spoiled all the time or they will grow  up to be unlikable.
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2007 - 4:30PM #7
Posts: 1,020
I agree with you 100% Stevegraywolf.  That was the way I raised my kids too and they are both happily married, gainfully employed, and own their own homes.  And, I plan on spoiling the heck out of the grandchildren when that time comes.  hehehe
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2007 - 7:11PM #8
Posts: 21
You're a grandparent, so you get to spoil as much as you want, unless you're the main caregiver. 

I have a 15 month old.  She knows, "no," and "just a minute."  Everytime I make a decision, I think to myself, "If I keep doing this, what effect will it have when she's 13?"  If you can see a 13-year-old stomping her foot or distaining you, don't do it.  That's my theory, I'm just a first-time mother of one.
Quick Reply
11 years ago  ::  Nov 09, 2007 - 8:10AM #9
Posts: 8
Are you the main caregiver for your grandbaby?
If not, then spoil away!! It's a grandparent's right to give on the child's every whim. :) That's waht MY mother says anyway...haha

If you are the main caretaker, in that you're raising her. I still think that she is at a very young age. She is just not yet fully capable of true manipulation, and at that age period they are in full "selfabsorption" mode. They know what they want, how they want it, and they want it NOW. They just don't have the capacity to understand that other people have other needs as well.

So. I think that while you can start trying to help her learn that some things you have to wait for - you also need to teach her that the person she loves the most will come through when she needs you. And meeting their needs (even when we might THINK they are unreal needs) is part of that.

Pick your battles, as well.
My 21 month old is a bit demanding, and in full tantrum mode right now. There are things that I KNOW are unsafe or unhealthy for him, and so those thigns I might put up with a tantrum for. But other things, that are just not a big deal - why fight on everything? Why make life a constant battle with a child? Because let's face it - they have more stamina, more energy, and stronger lungs and many times they can outdo us. :)

I think you can spoil children, but not with giving them things. I think you spoil them with inconsistency and with lack of understanding.
Quick Reply
10 years ago  ::  Jan 09, 2008 - 9:31AM #10
Posts: 7
There have to be boundaries and rules not matter what these others replies state.

I posted PLEASE HELP ME yesterday involving my 7 year old calling me names and telling me he hates me because I try to instill some discipline and my husband doesn't.  The response to my post was interesting; I was called a "control freak" etc.  I don't know what these people's credentials are when it comes to child upbringing but I have been a teacher for years and I've seen kids hit their parents in front of me and speak horribly to their parents.  Do I want my kids to act like that?  I don't think so.

I just want what wants best for my kids and if I choose not to have my kids flying on a small plane then my husband should take that into consideration.

Look at all these lazy  twenty year old slackers today with an education but who really don't want to work as hard as their parents and think the worlds owes them somethikng.

So poo poo to the ignorant people who think letting your kids do what they want is okay!
Quick Reply
Page 1 of 2  •  1 2 Next
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing

    Beliefnet On Facebook