Post Reply
Switch to Forum Live View Dating a Muslim man
4 years ago  ::  Apr 08, 2010 - 12:59PM #1
Iqbalmayah
Posts: 2

This is my story. I am forty-one year old dating a thirty-year old Pakistani man. He wanted to get  married a couple of months ago, but I refuse. I know he needed a green-card and why should I marry any men for those reasons. He still have remain in my life and tell me he love me. Of course I know better but part of me want to believes him.  He want no children with me and that is a clear indication that he does not want a future of with me.   Am I correct to think this way ?  Doesn't  all Muslim men want children ? He have also have shown me that he can be abusive. He have choke me, said words to me that had mad me cry..  I just really hate myself for remaining in this wacky relationship !

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Apr 08, 2010 - 5:17PM #2
Ceren
Posts: 1,430

Peace.


There is no need to be ashamed of being in the relationship.  But you need to get out. Now.


You seem concerned that he doesn't want to have kids with you. You should not be concerned about that. YOU ARE THE ONE who does not want to have kids with him.


Why would you want to have children with a violent man? Would you want him to choke the children as well? Would you want him to insult the children and leave them crying as well?


You deserve better.


Please visit: www.ndvh.org/  to find more about domestic violence. Deciding to leave an abusive partner is not an easy decision. There's people that can help.


All the best,


Ceren

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Apr 08, 2010 - 9:12PM #3
Iqbalmayah
Posts: 2

Thank you for your advice.. You are correct what he does to me he do to our children if that was to ever happen.  I have broken up with him numerous of times but some how some way he have remain in my life.  I know in my heart that I must leave him and find a man that truly love me and that would not abuse me.  We only see each other twice a month and he have manage to abuse me. I could only image if I was to married him and live with him.  I am such an idiot !

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Apr 09, 2010 - 10:04AM #4
Ceren
Posts: 1,430

Apr 9, 2010 -- 7:23AM, Abdullah. wrote:


Hi Iqbalmaya welcome!


Hmm, this seems like a very fishy relationship, so i'd say, if your fairly sure that you can stay away from him, then kick him out of your life, and if you feel you cannot, then get married to him [providing you are a christian or a jew that is; if not, then such a marraige wont be valid with God, unless you convert to Islam or iether of the two aforementioned religions] as soon as possible to save your self from sin!


All the best


Peace.




 


Assalamu `alaykum brother,


Did you read her message???  The man is VIOLENT!!! He has CHOKED her!!! Why on earth would you tell a woman to go marry an abusive man???

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Apr 09, 2010 - 10:08AM #5
Ceren
Posts: 1,430

Apr 8, 2010 -- 9:12PM, Iqbalmayah wrote:


Thank you for your advice.. You are correct what he does to me he do to our children if that was to ever happen.  I have broken up with him numerous of times but some how some way he have remain in my life.  I know in my heart that I must leave him and find a man that truly love me and that would not abuse me.  We only see each other twice a month and he have manage to abuse me. I could only image if I was to married him and live with him.  I am such an idiot !






You are not and idiot! Women from all walks of life enter abusive relationships.


Breaking an abusive relationship can be hard. You don't need to do this alone, you can have the help of friends, family or women's organizations that can help you break this cycle.


You can change your phone and not give it to him, file a restraining order, move, anything it takes to get him out of your life. Women DIE EVERY DAY from violent partners.


You deserve better. This is not how relationships are supposed to be. Your partner is supposed to respect you, love you, protect you, make you feel like you're the most wonderful woman on earth, etc, etc. Don't settle for this... the more you are in this relationship, they more "closed" you are to meeting someone to have a healthy relationship.


Don't be embarrassed, talk to friends or women's organizations and let them help you!


All the best,


Ceren

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Apr 09, 2010 - 2:16PM #6
Abdullah.
Posts: 882

Hi Iqbalmaya welcome!


Hmm, this seems like a very fishy relationship, so i'd say, if your fairly confident that you can stay away from him [and this is obviously the best for you as you know; he also seems like a bit of a nutter if he's throttling you; this can be very dangerous Surprised so try your best to leave him], then get him out of your life, and if you feel you cannot, i.e that your most probably going to continue to have an intimate relationship with him, then get married to him [providing you are a christian or a jew that is; if not, then such a marraige wont be valid with God, unless you convert to Islam or iether of the two aforementioned religions] as soon as possible to save your self from sin!; 


All the best


Peace.


ps: in the unlikey event? that you do continue the relationship, you can tell him if he abuses you, he can forget about a green card via you! Wink,

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Apr 09, 2010 - 2:31PM #7
Ceren
Posts: 1,430

Apr 9, 2010 -- 2:16PM, Abdullah. wrote:


He also seems like a bit of a nutter if he's throttling you; this can be very dangerous  so try your best to leave him], then get him out of your life, and if you feel you cannot, i.e that your most probably going to continue to have an intimate relationship with him, then get married to him [providing you are a christian or a jew that is; if not, then such a marraige wont be valid with God, unless you convert to Islam or iether of the two aforementioned religions] as soon as possible to save your self from sin!; 




Salam brother,


I would think that this is a situation where you choose the lesser evil.  Yes, fornication is a sin, but homicide and domestic violence are also sins.


So I don't understand why would it be a good solution for a woman to marry someone who has tried to kill her. That does not make any sense from a logical point of view or from an Islamic point of view.

Quick Reply
Cancel
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook