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Switch to Forum Live View Should I run away with her???
8 years ago  ::  Dec 16, 2009 - 1:12PM #1
Posts: 1

im a 24 asian guy in love with my gf whos 19, we got strict parents who dont want us to be together, we been together now for a year and a half, we got caught once before and they split us up for 4 months and now we got bak together for 4 months we have been caught again and her parents want us engaged on the spot but i havent been speaking to my parents for a good couple of months so i got no financial backing. religious wise its wrong?but we cant help it, i want her she wants me, now her mum will be telling her grandad 2moro she been caught again and things will get taken from there. what do i do? i dont have many people supporting me esp family!

i believe i found the girl i want to marry and both families dont want it to be, they are being hypercritical, my religion views are not the strongest but hers are. i have been brought up with a white mother and a pakistani dad.

she comes from a full pakistani family and have 'reps' that they care about. everyone seems to be against us and now that we have been caught her mother is going to tell her grandad tomorrow and the fireworks will start, what should i do? i dont have my dad because i fell out with him over it the last time when he said he would help me then went against his word and my older brother wont help because of my dad. i have my mum but she isnt a religious lady and theyll just see her as being white.

im in love with her and i dont want anyone else except her. what should i do?

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8 years ago  ::  Dec 18, 2009 - 8:25AM #2
Posts: 882

Salaam brother!


Thank you for putting your question to us and seeking our advice; you are most wellcome to it!

Brother let me just clarify this at this stage that I'm just a laymen who expresses his thoughts so please dont take what I say to be authoratative at all from an Islamic legal point of view and for a trustworthy Islamic position on anything, advice/guidance should be sought from qualified scholars

After reading about your situation and circumstances brother, basically what I think is this:

There is all the Islamic advice of how one should not disobey their parents etc, and have patience untill they find a girl for you; one with which their happy with, or untill one comes along with who'm their happy with too, but i am thinking here brother that this case may be best decided on the disposition of both you and your gf; will you both be able to keep away and heed the advice of your families?;

given what has allready happened, that after being parted you both couldn't stay away from one another, I think the answer is, probably not, therefore, in this situation the best action to take may be to protect yourselves from sin first and foremost, and that will mean to get married with or without your families/parents support/consent and there is a dispensation in Islam for marriage being valid even without parents [or a wali's [guardians] consent [but there may be a problem to this depending on which school of thought you both follow; if you are both Hanafi's [most people of the indian subcontinent are], then there is no problem, but there may be if you both adhere to any of the other 3 schools; there could be an allowance here of adherants of other schools skipping to the Hanafi opinion on this, due to the circumstances and/or a fiqh of minorities applying, but this should be clarified from a scholar]

If brother you think your family [and your gf thinks her family] will be so upset that their discontent wont heal, then it is really upto wether you both can constrain your feelings for one another and stay away and give precedence to your family relations more than the relations between you both [which will be the best option in this scenario], but if you both feel that this upsetting of your families will be only temporary and soon they will inshALlah accept it and be happy with you both, then I think taking measures to stop you both from sinning will be best and thus to go ahead and get married


hope this helps brother


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8 years ago  ::  Dec 20, 2009 - 11:31PM #3
Posts: 1,430

Salam brother,

You say the sister's family wants you engaged.... then what's the problem?

I think you two could get married but for now she should still live with her parents until you finish school and have the financial means to support her.

Just be honest with her parents and draw a plan with a timeline of how things will happen (insha'Allah). But if you keep violating her parent's trust and "getting caught" not only you're risking your afterlife dearly, but you're also risking that her parents will deem you untrustworthy and not let you be with the girl.

All the best,


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